my 7 years relationship with japanese man

hi, this forum is seems interesting.I have a Japanese boyfriend for more than 7 yrs now.I am a Filipina. We meet here in Philippines last 2006, ahd he went back to japan 2008. 2006-2008 weve been together always,and from 2008 until now,we are in a LDR.Im 28 right now and he is 35. We have been talking about marriage,our life to be when we got married. But so many questions were bothering e now. we are in a relationship for more than 7yrs but why he don't introduce me yet to his family and friends? is it usual for Japanese man? what do u think on our relationship? I really want to meet his family but he said he will send message first to his family before he introduce me which is he didn't did, I also told him that I want to get married and he say he like that also but he is not asking me or proposing to get married. He want me to visit to japan every year so that we can meet and spend our time together even 1 week, but that's all. after meeting him, I go back to my country again and we meet in Skype only. sometimes I want to give up in our relationship because I feel he has no plan for our future. Please advice, I don't know what to do. should I wait more?

In my experience, when a guy is serious about a relationship, you will be able to tell by his actions. If he is content with seeing you only 1 week per year and only talks about marriage, but doesn't take any action in regards to buidling a future with you, I'd say you are wasting your time with him.

While it is normal in Japan to only introduce boyfriends/girlfriends to the family if you plan to get married in the near future, 7 years is a very long time to be kept a secret from everyone. Maybe he is afraid his family will not approve of you, because your are a foreigner, but it's also possible that he already has a girlfriend/ wife in Japan and is only having a little fun with you on the side.

Do you usually stay at his place when you visit him in Japan, or do you stay at a hotel together? Has he given you a reason why he hasn't spoken to his family yet? Can you call him at home whenever you wanna talk to him, or do you have to wait until he logs into skype? Has he ever visited you in your country after his return to Japan? Have you ever asked him, why he is hesitating?

It's hard to give good advice when we know so little about your relationship with him, but his complete lack of action even after such a long time in a LDR definitely sounds like he is more than happy to keep things the way they are.

Tell him, that the next time you visit him in Japan, you want to be introduced to his family. If he fails to do so, end things with him immediately and find a boyfriend who appreciates you. You've waited long enough.

Hi. Thank u for your reply. Everytime I go to japan, we stay in his house, but that house is 3hrs far from his family. We stay in hotel in the place that we plan to tour around after that we will now stay in his apartment and I stayed there until I go back to ph. I cant see anything that will prove that he has a wife or girlfriend already. Everynyt and every weekend, we do skype. When he is in his family, sometimes I sent him a message and sometimes I call, and I cant heard anything that he is hiding something to me. He visit here sometimes when he has a business trip but for pleasures, he doesnt want because he said he cant take long leave. Im just cant understand why for that 7yrs, he didnt tell to his friends nor family about us. 7yrs and he still not know when we should het married. Tonight, I told him to try not to skype for 1 week but he dont like. He want to see me everynyt. Irs really hard for me, maybe before I understand our situation but now, I dont.

Hello confusing lady. I'm in a similar situation. I met a Japanese man in 2007 and we are in a long distance relationship for more than 5 years. I'm same age as you and he is same age as your boyfriend.
Everything seemed to be going very well, we also talked about marriage and things like that, he even sent me presents. Things deteriorated in communication for the last 2 years.
Since things begun deteriorating and he became less communicative and more distant, I begun communicating with other men. I refuse to waste my time waiting for this man, when I can try my chance with other guys. You can do the same too. But, I suggest you not mention to him about the communication with the other men. I made this mistake with my long distance boyfriend and he became super angry and jealous.
I don't know which type of man your boyfriend is.
Anyway, good luck. He is not the only man.

To the above patient lady

op is not asking how to cheat.

OP

give him a time boundary about marriage and check how he reacts.

op is not asking how to cheat.

I'm not suggesting to OP how to cheat.
Communicating with other men and exploring her options, doesn't qualify as cheating.

give him a time boundary about marriage and check how he reacts.

I'm sure she has already done this, but he keeps stringing her along.

My point is that she has options.
Of course, it's confusing lady's decision what to do.

Hi.
Thank you for all yoursuggestions. I appriciate it. To patient lady, I also thinking about it but maybe next yr, when he didnt anything this yr to make a way that we will be together. He notice last week my silence and cold heart to him. He ask me the problem and we talk sincerely. He is now planning to tell to his family about us, about me. Thought, he still thinking when to tell, I dont know what relationship he have to his family , he really afraid to the reaction of his family. Im giving him this yr to do this. I know I waited long without assurance to this relationship, and trust his word saying "wait", but next yr will be a new beginning, because im ending our skype this yr.

If a guy is in love with you, he probably wants to let the world know you're his girlfriend and show you off to everyone.
My Japanese ex boyfriend called me when he's back in Japan with his family.
He passed the phone to his whole family to let them talk to me.
Despite them speaking little English, we had fun talking although I was a little shy at first.
And when we went to his workplace, he was happy to introduce his co-workers to me and tell them "This is my girlfriend."
I am not Japanese btw.

Hi mandy, thank u for posting. I have question, if u have a good relationship with them, why he become ur ex?

We broke up because I didn't want to get married but he wanted to.

7 years is too long to be kept a secret from everyone. I really feel for you. I don't know why your guy is keeping you a secret for all these years. I agree if someone really loves you, they would tell/show you off to their family and friends already. Also not afraid to talk about the future with you if he really wants to be with you. My boyfriend told his family and friends about me already when we first started. Now I'm on vacation staying with him and his family. Despite the language barmier with his family, they still treated me so kindly.

I live in Japan now and realized that the young generation Japanese guys(10s,20s,30s)can be very indecisive, afraid of responsibility and do not want to take the lead. But on the other hand they're tender,thoughtful and usually with good temper. They don't usually take initiative in a relationship and need girls to push them.So maybe try push a little?

Minnie,

it seems to me that's she is trying that, but he's still not acting on it.

Hi guys, thank u for all support or concern or advice..I think a little push is all I need, because he already told to his father about us, but our big problem is they disagree. For this, I cant do anything but we will still try to talk to his family..

I am in the same boat with you, except I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years. He did take a while to told his family about us, and yes - his family dissaproved, especially his parents. - but as years goes by, his family started to recognize our relationship.

I guess your boyfriend, like mine, maybe hiding the relationship simply because they fear the family rejection.

See how it goes, I hope your boyfriend's family will be able to see past your background differences and accept your relationship.
If not, you know what to do.
Either way, I wish you all the best. :)

Guys, put 2+2 together. You two are not meant for each other. Neither of you are committed, and both of you are waiting for the signal to jump ship. Your relationship has been mutually beneficial up til now but that is as far as it goes.

Japanese guys in their 30's rarely take Philippine women seriously. Sorry to be blunt but the Philippines are just a place where J-guys go to occasionally learn English, do business, and get secret girlfriends that can't bother them in Japan when they get tired of being around them.

7 years and never met / heard / talked to his family - obviously there is some kind of secrecy happening.

It does sound secretive. He tried to talk but they disagree. Hmm try to push him in to taking you to meet his parents to change their mind. Hearing is different from seeing.

Hi all. We already got married. After meeting the parent of my japanese boyfriend, that my husband now, they are kind to me and agreed with our marriage..after a long time.

Congrats! So any advice for the other posters? Why do you think it took 8 years?