How to back my japanese ex-girlfriend

Hi, everyone.
My problem is my gf, broke up with me some months ago and I want to back her.
First of all we have (had) - Long Distance Relentionship, I think all are undestand how hard is it.
We met with her on one website (about exchange language) on August 2012, after 1 months talking, we falled in love with her. All was great for 9 months, we were together spend all our days with each others millions mails and many weeks on skype, planned about comming to each others every year, to have our family in future and live together when she will end university.
She is 17 and I'm 19.
Last time when we was together we fighted much case I was jealous, didn't want that she would have guys- friends, I was not that I used to be. And in June 2013, she left me. For all this time I was trying to make all things good. Apologized many times and texted her very often called to her so often (it was my stupid mistake, I ddin't give her time to undestand what's happened), asked her to be with me and so on. She or ignored me or talk to me like she don't know me.. it made big distanc beetwen us. All her friend told to her that she will forget me as fast as she can. When we talked with her, she was so cold to me, it made me feel bad. Then she registrated on one website in August and start meet new guys friends.) In september she offical told me that she don't want to speak with me anymore and that I will never called to her, she ended keep in touch with me, without give any chance.. This last two months september, october, I was called to her every one or two week to know that she is ok, can we start speak with her or spend time,but always were same words "I don't need a lover , find another girl, never call me" It's so violent. And yesterday I fould she registrated on new website and again new guys and so on, she called with they skype spend time, also hang outand so on. It's really sucks when I write her for months just she will forgive me, but she always close door and always open for anybody who want be in her life.. when I asked her just give me chance and trying to be better man, but she always told me - "no".
I know we are to young, but I truly love her and want come back her. I will do all for be with her. I was reading one question, guy asked about.. his japanese wife left him and you helped him.
I hope that you will help me too. Thank you!

I'm sorry to say, but you got to move on. She made it clear already. Calling her everyday, texting her, and even bothering her friends will only push her away. Which already did happen because she said she doesn't want to talk to you again. And I'm just going to say, You guys are really young. She's 17, she probably doesn't know what she wants at that time. Maybe even now. By the way, it really doesn't matter if she's Japanese or not, restricting someone or trying to control them is a turn off. To make it worse, is bothering them so frequently after the breakup. Learn from it. Not trying to be harsh, but it won't work out.

Yeah, I undestand it.
But what if I will give her time, won't contact with her for months or two. Maybe it will work?

Sorry man, that ship has sailed... Time to move on.

Calling/texting her etc. too often now that she made clear she is finished with you could be seen as harassment. This would mean trouble for you.

Yeah guys, I know, I was wrong. I just felt like I can't lose her so wrote to her often and so on, I was "stalker" as she said to me.

But I undestand all my mistakes, all things that I did wrong. I know that I need her. She told me after broke up, that maybe she still love me, I know that for now, maybe she already not, or trying to do all for forget me, or already forgot. Don't need to tell - "forget her, she is not suit for you" Case if it's true, I wouldn't write here and trying to apologize to her for such a long time. If need wait weeks , months, I'm ready. I don't need another girl and want to back her and be better for her.

No offense but I'm willing to bet that you might be scaring this girl. She already mentioned "stalker" to you, that should be a big sign.

She doesn't want further contact, leave this girl alone. Brutally put: she has 0 interest in you now. If she had any at all then she wouldn't act this way.

Further pursuing her can cause her stress and discomfort. She will hate and loathe you the more you annoy her and keep messaging her.

There have been several high profile stalking murder cases on the news in Japan recently. People are on edge about this kind of thing. Your actions as described by yourself are stalkerish. Back down now before it gets worse, she might even contact the police.

Come on guys, what are u talking about?
She told to him that he is "like stalker" Case he wanted her back by asking many times. She don't want to be with him, not case he wrote her much and called often.
I know dude how hard you are. We were broke up with my gf, was many problems. You should to not keep in touch with her, wait when she will write to u first! I didnt keep in touch with my gf for some months, after she wrote me first. She loved u, she can't forget her love after some months or years. On this time u should working with yourself hard, becoming better man. Just do it! Don't listen people who tell u that u can't do this, If they can't do anything, they will tell u that u also can't do this. Go to your dream, all in your hands, If you love her true, you will with her together, I promise!)

At the above user, he sounds like he's stalking her. Many things he said tells us the girl doesn't want him to bother her. Plus he hasn't met her in person.

No I mean I did it only in first days, when we broke up, after this I gave her space. We was trying be together again, but I was jelous that she spend much time with others guys, so we fighed again. Last two - three months I called to her only 5-6 times to know how is she and if she can forgive me. Now we end keep in tocuh with her. I want to back her, I will improve myself like told Ostin. I just want be with her. I know I wasn't right, I did bad things, but I changed. How I can get second chance from her?

MOVE ON young man. If you really love then you will respect her. Otherwise, you are nothing but a annyoing and stalker from her point of view. You are making it worse. It obviously she moved on and pretty much she hated you already. Why wasting your time when she hated you already? This is not like a romantic movie, this is reality. I used to have this same situation with you when I was 21 year old in love with 22 year old. I was crazy for her until she dump me and I did like you did and I waste many months of that. Take my advice, go find other woman who can love you better than her.

You can't get a second chance unless she gives you one, and at the moment she isn't willing to do so. So leave her alone, and if eventually she decides she likes you after all, let her contact you. If I were in her shoes I'd probably have changed my phone number and email address by now.

It sort of worries me that you can't take several 'no's from a distance... makes me wonder about girls physically near you who might say 'no'.

I'm sorry for what happened with your relationship. As a random stranger, I'll give you my advice and I hope this can help you bring yourself back up.

Dealing with these types of situations are tough, but to be honest I think that the relationship you have with the girl you love is finish. I'm not trying to be mean or anything, it's just how some girls are once they decide to end a relationship. I get were you're coming from since I myself has also been in a long distance relationship, but you have to know that you have about a 98% chance that a long distance relationship is not going to work out.
The constant texting, emailing, and skyping isn't enough in maintaing a relationship. It's just hard. PERIOD!!!!

When it comes to girls, our thoughts go through a lot when dealing with relationships. Breaking up is hard for many people while others break up with one other because they are just being jerks, but right now all you need is to move on. Yes moving on is difficult and believe me, majority of people have gone through heartbreaks as well. What you need is to let go of your past and move forward in life because a heartbreak shouldn't be a reason for you to be unhappy. Come on now, there are soooooooooo many beautiful and awesome women out there for you to someday love since you're only 19. 19 years old is just a stepping stone for you to learn more about the true meaning of love. A girl will one day love you for who you are and so don't give up just yet.

You have a long way to go in your journey. So don't waste it being depressed. Do something for yourself and be happy.

I wish you the best of luck V^____^V

PaulLM3, why did you sign on as Ostin(guest) and give yourself hope? It's obvious that you posted as Ostin, as the poor English grammar is identical to your posts.

You're way too young to be pining over someone so young. Get over it and move on. You're damaged goods in her eyes and she'll never see you the same way she once did. There are many more girls on-line to chat with.

What are you talking about? I know this guy he is my friend, but I'm not such a person as you think, to send msg to myself, or how it's called.
Maybe not all people are neative speakers like you?


I asked how to back ex-gf, I know I was wrong. And I give her time as much as she needs, I won't ask her anymore to be with me or speak with me. Only want to be in her life, if she will want it to.

And I'm not such a guy like "here are many more girls on-line to chat with." it's ur way of thinking and from my point of view is a losers way, maybe you never loved, so can't undestand it.

----
I found a solution.
It's like in song, or where I found it
"let her go, if she will come back she is urs forever"

She has made it pretty clear she doesn't want you in her life, you lost her by being to clingy and desperate. You say you've changed but its pretty apparent from your posts and actions that you haven't.

Use this as a learning experience and move on.

You are 19 AND this is a long distance relationship, you don't even know what love means.

So, what language were you two using when you started communicating?

I agree with most of the above posts. You need to except the situation and move on with your life. Try meeting someone your own age also, 17 can give you legal problems in Japan.

I can see you are more than a little upset with some of the feedback you are getting on here. Don't ask for help if you won't except honest answers. Welcome to the Forum.

Okay, thanks for your answers guys.
I know, I'm sucks for her and she didn't left me, it's I lost her.
I let her go,( as I already did). And maybe in future will write to her. Whatever. And I as I told, I won't find any other girl, just wait much as need months, main that she is great for me and I won't give up. Just will try to call after some months to be in her life.)

You really have no understanding what love is, by what I see. You love them, respect their decision and leave them alone. I'm not talking about only for a few months, just stop period. If she loves you or miss you, she will eventually go back to you. You know, you are harassing her, by doing those.

I'm sorry for hearing about what's happen to your relationship with JP girl. When I see through all of the comments posted here, I also agreed that you might have to move on next love or leave her alone until she contact you first. I think you are too young to understand what makes her happy. If you really love her and if you really want to be better man for her, you should do what makes her happy. Right now, You are just thinking about your feeling. Where is hers??? It's not love, it is just obsession(I did not want to be harsh, but clear to you). You have to be mature and grown up! She wants to go next,
then you should let her go and congratulate her next step with saying "sorry for scaring you by texting and mailing too much. I did not mean to be stalker, I was scared to loose you. Now, I will think about your happiness since this is the last chance to show my love. good bye".
Just be calm, just be away from her....Time will solve everything and ease your hurting heart. Maybe,while you keep distance from her, your mind also will change.... or She might change her mind... or maybe nothings changed in her heart... or maybe you might fall in love other girl...anything can happen, and nothing can be wrong! Anyway, The time when you and she can talk calmly and with maturity will come in the future definitely. If then, you guys might be go back to become friend again (there might be the chance to go back to be lover back later). It might take 1year or 3 years...5years...I do not know... But you or she will sense the time when you guys can talk properly. Right now what you need are time, distance from her, and maturity. Be away from her, look at yourself... you have to admit you are obsessing her. Time will solve really good way to ease your feeling. One of my favorite Japanese song ,"Hanamizuki" by Hitoto Yo(u) , says "I hope you and the one you love have one hundred years together." in its lyrics. You can not insist she is "mine! mine! mine! " to her like kids who grab their toys and wouldn't let it go.... She is not toy and there is different way to show your pure love by let her go free and wish her and her new partner's happiness go good.