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Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/6 19:08
Okay, for a bit background I'll start by saying the following. I'm an American girl in my mid-twenties and I met a Japanese man on this website in his late-twenties. We hit it off really fast, because it turned out we had a had a lot in common. As time went by we confessed that we liked each other. He and I talked every day on LINE and skype (talking, texting and video chatting on skype). Everything was going really well. Now, I may add that during the time he first contacted me (he found my ad on japan-guide first and sent me a message on LINE) he was off from work due to a hand injury. Then one day he informed me that he would be returning to work soon and I understood and told him that "maybe we wouldn't talk as much anymore because he would be working" because I know how work is in Japan for some Japanese men. However, when he did return to work, he still remained in contact with me for a few days and he would be the first to contact me letting me know that he was off and if I could talk with him on skype.

However, one day when I was talking to him (a Friday for me and Saturday for him, which was last week), he told me that he would be working Sunday and that maybe we could talk after he comes home. Something in my gut told me that we wouldn't be talking that next day, but I said okay and we continued video chatting for the next two hours after he told me that. So the next day, I work up in the morning around the time he would be getting off from work and waited for him to text me on LINE, but he never did. Later that evening I text him and said that probably he went to sleep after he came home from work because I know how much work made him very tired and that we can talk next time. Normally, he would have read my message and eventually replied, but he didn't. And not only that, he hasn't read it since that day (which has been a week now.)

On Friday (4/4/2014), I decided to send him a message (I didn't message him since that previous Saturday), because I remember him telling me that he has the weekends off. I waited and waited, but he never "read" my LINE message like he normally would, and he didn't even bother to contact me as usual to let me know we would talk like. He didn't even read it on Saturday either. I've been so confused as to why he is suddenly ignoring me. Then, I remembered that we are friends on skype, so I signed on both Friday and Saturday. Yet, he never came on, but it said his "last seen" was on 3/31/2014 at 7:13pm which would be 8:13am his time. I was not online during this time, but he never sent me anything. I thought, maybe he could have saw that I wasn't online and then signed off (because he doesn't have many contacts on his own skype and mostly came on to only talk with me)

Why would this guy, who has said the sweetest things to me and made me feel so happy, told me he loves/likes me, says he wouldn't go anywhere, I would always have his heart and never to worry and many of kind words suddenly do this? Considering this guy is older, I would figure that he wouldn't do this, but maybe age has nothing to do with it. When we talked previously about Japanese people suddenly doing the disappearing act from japan-guide, he informed me that he wouldn't do that to me and the only reason he would is if the communication was really bad, meaning we couldn't understand each other. However, he told me that isn't the case with us because we understand each other just fine and not to worry about him leaving because he wouldn't and how I would have his heart always. He always told me that he wasn't like other Japanese people and his way of thinking was more American, which I can say is true by the way he thinks and talks about certain topics because he is very fond of America, especially my culture (I'm black, btw). That is not to say he can't understand the Japanese way of thinking, because he does.

Is it possible that he cut ties with me by deleting his LINE app? Not deleting his account, but the actual app from his phone? Because a mutual friend also text him on LINE said that he didn't read their message either. Or maybe there could be a problem with his LINE and that's why he hasn't contacted me? But if this is the reason, why hasn't he tried contacting me on skype? I've been trying to analyze this situation with different possibilities, but my thoughts all equal up to me being played (using me because he was bored from being off from work), him losing interest that quickly by cutting his ties, or maybe he is so tired from work he just hasn't contacted me yet. He doesn't seem like the type that would become so overwhelmed with feelings that he would run away, because he told me that if he ever had to leave/stop talking to me, he would say so and that he always says what's on his mind and doesn't shy away from situations. In other words, he isn't afraid of confrontation if its needed.

I asked advice about this from a very close Japanese friend of mine, who is like my brother and he informed me that this situation also happened to him with a girl he loved and she stopped talking to him for nine months (except this girl is Japanese and from Japan). In fact, just recently (last month) he told me that she finally contacted him and apologized for disappearing. He told me not to worry about it and maybe he could be busy or just needs time to himself right now. However, the guy that I like, doesn't seem like he would do something like this, which is why I'm so shocked, confused and hurt right now.

So to recapture a bit:
1.) He hasn't read my messages on LINE for a week (I haven't heard from him since Friday of March 28, 2014 and it is now Sunday, April 6, 2014). But he also didn't read someone else's LINE message either.
2.) He hasn't tried contacting me on skype either. (PS: he has skype on both his phone and computer) And it still says, "Last seen" on 3/31/2014.

So, I know he could contact me on his computer if he wanted, unless he isn't thinking about signing on to check because I didn't think to sign on until Friday 4/4, whereas he signed on 3/31).

Any advice or thoughts on this would be helpful. Has this happened to you? Also, if you are a Japanese guy (especially between the ages of 28-29) what do you think his reasoning is for doing this suddenly? Do you think he used me during the time he was off from work because he was bored? Suddenly lost interest in me by cutting ties? Or maybe there is a possibility that he is busy or needs time to himself because we talked so often? I'm not sure what to think right now considering we would talk every day for hours, especially since we liked each other very much and I miss talking to him a lot. Now this is happening and it's confusing me greatly...

Thank you in advance for replying.
by Confused Girl (guest)  

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/6 23:25
It's only a week, don't be so peranoid. Give it a few more days and see if he contact you or not.
by kiki (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/6 23:47
Kiki

I know, but I suppose for me it is unusual because he isn't the type of person to do this without some type of contact informing me that he wouldn't be able to talk or etc. He is the type that would have said something by now and would wonder the same thing of me, if I did this to him as well.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 00:22
Confused Girl, do you have his home address? Try writing him a handwritten letter and send it to him. A week is not very long but i can understand how you must feel if this is uncommon for him to do this. Write him a letter and explain how you feel and that you miss him. He may respond back if he really cares about you as he said he did.

If no home address then all you can do is wait to see if he contacts you. I also went through this before and I sent a letter. It turned out my guy suddenly caught cold feet and wanted to distances himself from me and he did for about a 1-2 weeks. We talked it out and have been dating for 1 year now. Sometimes guys may feel strange when it comes to feels of a girl and back away. Maybe your guy just needs some talk from you. :)
by Nami (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 00:34
It's only a week, don't be so peranoid. Give it a few more days and see if he contact you or not.
by kiki (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 00:39
Oopps my phone repost my message.

Anyway, Sometimes work get so busy there that some people don't have time to even check or reply back to the messages. You said he didn't even check a mutaual freind message either, so just give it a few mkre days.
by kiki (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 01:40
Nami,

Yes. I do have his address because he gave it to me so I could write him a letter, but I never got around to it because he wasn't sure how to write his Japanese address correctly and was unsure if it was right or not. Either way, I do have it and it was correct. That thought hadn't occurred to me before. I think I will do that, just to see if he would reply back. Hopefully, he will.


Kiki,

I will wait a couple more days to see what will happen. I suppose if too much time has passed, I will ask him if everything is okay. I've been signed on skype waiting to see if he will come on, but he hasn't yet. Yeah, I realized how busy it is for work there in Japan. He has mentioned to me how hectic and tiresome it can be.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 06:31
He maybe sick, lying in hospital or more probably he just got to know someone in real life in Japan...anyway the possibilities are endless.
The internet is a great way to meet new friends but unless I met them in real life and spent time with them, I usually don't let myself "fall in love" with someone I know online.
Take it with a grain of salt darling.
by Been there, done that (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 06:33
Be sure to keep us updated.
By what you said I think he really likes you but he may be very busy.
Just like Kiki said he could be busy with work or working overtime. My ex-bf didn't contact me in over a month because of his work. Some Japanese men put their work first and everything else 2nd or 3rd
Just be patient. I think he will contact you when you least expect it. We can only give advice but I think its best if you hear from him what the reason why he hasn't contacted you.

Best of luck to you both! I hope it all goes good
by Sarah (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 06:53
If you really send him a letter be sure you wait at least a few days before mailing. For example, don't send the letter tomorrow. Wait a week or two if you still haven't heard from him. The last thing you want is to send the letter this week and then he contacts you this week lol. Depending on what you say in the letter you'll have some explaining to do when he gets it. Unless he is the type that would forgive you easily. If you don't mind me asking you said he hasn't signed on skype in a long time. Do you think maybe he deleted you??
by Ken (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 10:23
Been there, done that,

The thought did cross my mind that he could be sick or maybe he has been working extremely hard lately. For now, Ifm just waiting to see if he will respond back or not. But some type of closure would be nice so I can know something. I noticed many Japanese people I have met on here suddenly stop communication without no warning or reason. I never say anything about it and eventually move on with it. However, my feelings towards this guy is different from the other people Ifve met, because he and I established a relationship. So, I think itfs only natural for me to wondered what went wrong.


Sarah,

I will be sure to do that. He could be working overtime, Ifm not really 100% sure. He and I talked about Japanese men putting their work first before other things, but he told me he isnft like that and feels that his family and friends are more important, despite how tired work makes him. Ifm really hoping he will contact me soon because I miss him a lot, haha, even if itfs to just say he canft talk anymore. I just want to know something, especially if he is doing okay.


Ken,

I already had in mind what I would say in the letter and itfs nothing mean, haha. Ifm not that type of person that would lash out at someone. Yes, I was thinking earlier that he could have deleted me from skype for various reasons (one in particular), but Ifm 100% positive now that he didnft and that he just hasnft been online in a few days. I remember before we confessed our feelings to each other and we were just talking as friends, he told me he was always signed online on skype no matter what. I noticed that too whenever I signed on or whenever we were done talking, he would stay on. He was confused as to why I always signed off and just leave my skype status as onlineand I told him why. Shortly after that, I noticed he started to sign off skype too, lol, but I donft know his reason why he signs off now.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/7 15:01
He could really be married.
by JumpinJackFlash (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/8 00:37
JumpinJackFlash,

I highly doubt he is married. In fact, I'm 100% positive he isn't.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/8 00:40
I really wouldn't send him anymore messages or write him a letter. That might make you look too needy or obsessed. It has only been a week!

I was going to say that, if it doesn't say "Read" on LINE, then he may have blocked you. But if it is the same for another friend, then he probably just hasn't been on. Just give it time.

I have been using this site for a few months, and this has already happened to me a few times. I'm a guy, and it seems that only girls will message me. Most will be flirty or very sweet, and say things like "lets talk every day!" or "lets be friends always and never lose contact!"

But they will eventually disappear. I just had one of the girls reconnect with me after 3 months, saying that she had been very busy. The other girl, who I was pretty close to, has been gone for months and I don't expect to talk to her again.

It isn't a big deal! This seems to be a thing that just happens. Maybe it is a japanese thing, but maybe it isn't. Keep in mind that it can be stressful to keep up with foreign friends, especially for those who are not very very skilled in english. It doesn't matter what they tell you, they can still disappear. And so what? They are free to live their lives.

Give it at least a month before you send a letter. I would probably be uncomfortable with someone who sent me too many messages and even a physical letter just for a week's absence. And even though he says he thinks like an american (and he probably has similar traits), he is still japanese, so keep that in mind. It is normal for them to just stop keeping in touch for a while.

Like someone else has said, he may have found potential romance at work or in his life, and doesn't need you anymore. Even though japan-guide isn't a dating site, I'd say the majority of people come here with ideas of romance. If his need for romance has been fulfilled in person, why would he need to keep up with you?

No offense, of course, just being realistic. You don't know what could have happened, so just give it some more time.
by CameronJp rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/8 01:05
CameronJp I agree, but maybe he could have deleted the app from his phone. That is a possibility because when I deleted mine once, my friend contact me on facebook wondering why I wasn't responding back to her. So a deleted app won't inform the other contact you deleted, it just appears as you never read their messages or answered their calls. So maybe he deleted it for some reason? But as for his skype...idk. That's a different story. I hate to say it or even suggest it...but maybe he could be avoiding you or done talking to you if he hasn't signed on to check to see if you have been on. I know you said he only has very little contacts, but if I know I deleted my app and only had skype to talk with the person, I would sign on skype to inform them of what happened. Maybe he didn't like you as much as he claimed? I'm hoping that's not the case... :(

Did you already send the letter? If so and he receives it, depending on how this guy is, he may think you are needy or maybe he won't and will be happy he received something from you and the letter will make him contact you. I'm hoping it's the latter for you, but if you did send it and he doesn't like that...it may drive him even further away if he had plans to contact you again.

I think also you should consider that maybe he could be sick and just hasn't responded back to you since he didn't read the other person's message either. Doing too much might make you come off as a crazy person, lol. I would know because I have been in your situation too and nearly went crazy trying to figure out what went wrong. The boy I was talking to stopped talking to me, but unlike what CameronJp said, the guy I talked to didn't seemed bothered by my messages. In fact, it gave us a chance to talk it out. And guess what? We've become closer because of what I did. So, it could depend on the guy. But you don't want to take a chance and seem like a weird girl because not all guys are like the guy I did that too.

Give it some time. I understand he is someone you really care for, but just wait a while longer. You might get some good news. If not, just move on. If it was meant to be, it will come to pass soon enough.
by Kim (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/8 02:54
CameronJP,

Thank you for your advice and responding to my question. You could be right about some of it. Ifm not entirely sure what the reason could be and there could be millions of reasons as to why this is happening. Ifll just give it more time to see what will happen. I honestly believe that the letter or messages could be non-factor in my case or could annoy him. In the past, if I asked him an odd question (not goddh but a question I was nervous to ask him) and I would ask him if it made him feel uncomfortable, he would answer and always tell me gDonft worry. Itfs okayh while smiling and he would also tell me that I could ask him anything and that it doesnft make him feel uncomfortable. I say this to say that he is very forgiving towards me and I think for him sending a letter wouldnft bother him. He may be shocked, but feeling uncomfortable, I highly doubt it. Also, once I wasnft able to answer his call or respond and he sent me multiple LINE messages wondering why I wasnft answering him because he was worried. So it isnft just me, because he has done the same to me also.


Kim,

The skype thing is the main thing I wonder. Regardless of LINE, he would have said something to me on there by now if thatfs the case. There were times I wasnft signed on skype and he would call me, when I signed in thatfs when I noticed the missed call from him. I would apologize and explain to him that I was offline, but he always would smile and say that it was okay and not to worry (he says that a lot to me). I have two skype accounts and on my other account, sometime last week I added on the status thing that I was no longer signing on for a long time and if someone wanted to contact me to do so by LINE (I only meant on that account, not both). Now, I have talked to him on my other account twice (or maybe once) since that message, but I donft think he checks his gHomeh on skype to see that that my other account said that. Ifm wondering if maybe he saw that on my other account finally when he signed on 3/31/2014 and assumed I was mad with him and thatfs why he hasnft been coming on? Because there have been three times when he assumed I was mad with him and he seemed a bit hesitate to talk with me because of him thinking that. For example, he would say gare you mad at me?h, gcan we talk if you arenft annoyed?h He never upset me or anything of the such, so I never understood why he would randomly ask me that (if I were to ask him about it, he would never answer why he thought I was upset with him), but we would eventually would sign on skype and we would video chat like he never asked me.

Honestly, I have not tried to contact him in a while, but I did send the letter already. I sort of regret sending it so early, but itfs too late now. That letter could either really mess things up even more or give me some type of reason behind this if he responds. My intuition is telling me that he would respond after reading the letter.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/8 03:00
I don't think now he deleted his LINE app from the phone now, because he used that actively for talking with his friends, but I could be wrong about that and maybe he could have deleted the app from his phone and made a new account or just not responding to anyone at the moment. Because my friend that sent him a message still said he hasn't read it yet. However, this friend is closer with me than him, so maybe he hasn't read the message yet because the friend is more my friend than his and he doesn't want to talk to him either? I'm not really sure and I think I'm over thinking about it, lol.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/8 03:31
I forgot to add, he was sick. He had hay fever for a while last week. The week before it seemed worse compared to last week. Unless it reverted back to being worse than before. However, he still kept in touch during his hay fever despite me telling him to rest. He would tell me that he will be okay because he wanted to talk to me. But, I don't know if he still has it or not, or if he is in the hospital, family problems or what. But, I'm still just waiting it out to see what happens.

As far as finding romance with someone else, it is likely, but I think it's a less likely reason because of something he once told me. So, I'm not really considering that for being a reason.
by Confused Girl (guest) rate this post as useful

I'm not so sure it was random... 2014/4/9 17:57
Sorry to say but you seem a bit clingy, maybe desperate even. Men intuitively pick up on this trait and some men choose to use this to their advantage. Constantly hassling someone you have never met is a turn off. Fact of the matter is the guy is probably married and his wife found out about his little fantasy romance on the side, hence him severing all ties. Your letter, as we sit and wonder in anticipation pending its arrival, is furiously headed to an address that does not exist. I suspect you will not hear from this guy again.....or, alternatively, he was in an accident and is in a coma....either way it time to move on, NEXT!

So says Big Ed...
by Bid Ed The Talking Horse (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Why did he disappear randomly? 2014/4/9 18:30
Okay some negative responses here..but yes you don't know why he's done this. Just be patient... do you have other contact information? FB? Email address? Message through Skype? Try contracting through there before writing a letter (after waiting it out abit..which can be painful I know). Because even I have had friends that I spoke to EVERY day for 4 months straight and boom they disappear! Some return and some don't...it's almost like you have to be prepared for this situation... So just wait it out for now and see what happens....
by KNGRX3 rate this post as useful

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