How to convince her mother?

Hi everyone, I hope you will help me with some suggestions.
I have met a beautiful girl and we love each other so much, we use skype and facebook to stay in contact everyday, but one day I was talking with her and her mother broke into her room, I was a little bit nervous because she was observing me.
the problem is that my girlfriend's mother always tell her daughter that I am decieving her, but I am really so sincere, I have even wrote a letter for her mother to show her my respect and my true feelings( a friend helped me to translate it in japanese) but she still think that I am lying to her daughter.
I hope someone will help me to solve this problem and make it clear with her mother .

Do you live in Japan?
Have you met in real life or just online?
How old are you and the girl?

There are no simple answers to your question because so much is unknown and there could be any number of reasons for her mother's stance.

At any rate, whether your relationship is being carried out only online or in the 'normal way', since you're having a relationship with the girl and not her mother, there's not a lot you can do about her attitude to you other than continue to treat her daughter with decency and hope that with time, she'll soften her views.

I'm guessing, from the way you write, that you're still young and possibly not very experienced at relationships.

Don't see this as 'a problem' but simply as the normal reaction of a parent worried about their child's well being.

All you have to do is make her daughter happy and she'll come around in time. If that takes a while to happen, then just learn to live with it because it's the way of the world.

Ryo Mani- I agree that the mother is just trying to protect her daughter. I think if you can be understanding and sweet while respectful of the mother's feelings, you can gain her trust. I wonder how old your girlfriend is. I can see you are 25 from your profile here.
I imagine her mother does not want her daughter to move away from her. Maybe if you can come to Japan and meet the mother she will see how much you care for her precious daughter.
I wish you much luck for a happy future.

@Saru Bob
I don't live in Japan and we will see each other in summer (maybe not) .
we are 25 years old.
thank you for your answer it's very helpful and wise from an experienced person.
I had girlfriends before but I have never been in contact with their mothers.
so this is new to me and like you said, It's better to try to live with it because it's her that I want not her mother.
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@Hirosumi
thank you for your answer
She is 25 years old
I am really planning to see her mother because I want to make it clear face to face this time, even my girlfriend she said it will be a good step forward and I really want to do that !
thank you for wishing me luck and happiness
your answer is very helpful and very encouraging.

I have to agree with Saru Bob, there is a lot of unknown here. Before reading anyone else comment I ask myself,

How did you meet her?
Have you met her face to face?
Is this an online relation?

Anyhow I�fm going to keep it short and straight to the point�c I�fm guessing you don�ft live in Japan, so get your butt on a airplane and fly to Japan and stay there for more than 1month to show her mother how much you love her.

By the way, pick your more wisely �gbroke into her room�h did she knock down the door or use picklocks to open her door while you two are chatting..

Ryo Mani,

You probably wanted to spell "deceiving" and not "decieving."

Anyway, I think it's just a misleading translation of "damasareteiru." We in Japan, commonly use that expression when we want to say "You don't know this guy."

"Damasareteiru" literally means "you are being deceived" and it doesn't necessarily mean "he is deceiving you." It means "You may think he is intelligent and sincere, but you are being deceived by the magic of the internet. He may be sincere now, but once he starts dating you, he can soon be fed up with the long-distance relationship, and hey, he can't even spell 'deceiving.' So don't waste too much of your time when you're supposed to be studying or doing your job. He may be a good Skype friend, but remember that he's not your date...yet."

Her mother still let's you Skype, right? I think she's being fair enough.

and hey, he can't even spell 'deceiving.'

That, coming from someone who apparently doesn't know the difference between "lets" and "let's," hmm ?

He's asking for advice, not an English lesson.
I usually make alot of those mistakes. Guilty! O.o
Anyway, meet her mother in person and show how sincere you are. It's normal that her mother is overprotective of her daughter, especially when they don't know you in person.

Some good points being made. Younger people tend to be more embracing of internet relationships. Her mother is likely to be as skeptical as any older person would be. Not just that you can't be trusted as a stranger, but just skeptical of the relationship itself.

Both points can be addressed with a visit.

That, coming from someone who apparently doesn't know the difference between "lets" and "let's," hmm ?

Whoops! Sorry!

@ UCO : well giving me english lessons it's not very helpful you know, it's not my native language so it's normal for me to make such mistakes and that's how I have learned the english language !!
I speak perfect italian and french so please stay calm it's not you who will teach me languages.
and please learn to go straright to the point not off the topic !
By the way, my girlfriend told me that literally, her mother told her that I am lying to her which means that I am deceiving her in english meaning not Japanese.

@ Seiko :My first contact with her was made here in this website, we are having a distant relationship, we love each other and everything is perfect except this little problem that maybe will be solved by time.
I don't have the enough amount of money to take the trip for the moment. that's very awkward you know .

@ kiki : thank you for the advice and that epic comment about the "english sensei" .

@ ChicagoMike : yes maybe it's the generations gap effect, but I will solve this problem, now or in the close future .

@ UCO : well giving me english lessons it's not very helpful you know, it's not my native language so it's normal for me to make such mistakes and that's how I have learned the english language !!
I speak perfect italian and french so please stay calm it's not you who will teach me languages.
and please learn to go straright to the point not off the topic !
By the way, my girlfriend told me that literally, her mother told her that I am lying to her which means that I am deceiving her in english meaning not Japanese.

You are the one who is getting overly worked up here. Uco's spelling correction was actually relevant to the advice she was giving, and wasn't offered in malice. Like you said, making mistakes is how you learn the language, but you don't learn anything if those mistakes are never pointed out.

The bottom line is this: you need to make the trip very soon. The mother's opinion of you will only worsen the longer you wait, as she sees her daughter obsessed with that guy from halfway across the world who can do nothing of substance for her. And your "girlfriend" could grow tired of the situation, as well (her mother's constant scolding is of course not helping).

At first Big Ed was under the impression that the young lady was maybe a teenager and mommy was looking out for her little girl...
Imagine my surprise when I find out she is 25!!
Tell MOM to get lost, why is she breaking into the room! You are adults, do what you want with who you want. Mom may not approve but it's out of her hands IMO. Tell her to find her own foreign boyfriend and move on!!!

Okay, sorry for causing a fuss. I didn't mean it.

As to compensate, I'd like to dig into this topic a bit more, while I usually stay out of Love and Relationships threads.

So what does she say you are lying to her about?

@ ... : well, thanks for both of you for being very helpful in my situantion here.

@ Firas : Like I said before, it's not possible to take the trip now, I need to save money, I don't have anyone to give me or help me with that, the trip cost 10 times my salary !!. I hope that will never happen to us, I agree with you, I need to make something concrete to show her my good intentions.

@Big Ed The Talking Horse : I agree with your opinion, it's our life, we have to make decisions for ourselves, we are old enough to do that I think !!

As I understand it, the girl still lives with ther mom (how else could her mom have "burst into her room"?), so there's still a lot of trouble the mom can do. For example she could just refuse him entry to their house, and they would have to alway meet outside, which could get tiring.

If my understanding is wrong and the girl lives on her own, then there's not really any problem. A parent disagreeing with their child's relationships is quite common, that's life.

Ryo,
How to convince her mother?
(1) Sincerity (genuine , not fake nor pretend) and
(2) financial stability(steady job/income) - probably the biggest unspoken concern of your GF mother.

I have met a beautiful girl and we love each other so much, we use skype and facebook to stay in contact everyday
...the trip cost 10 times my salary
That doesn't sound encouraging and indicative of steady jobs/incomes.
Do you have a steady job? what about your GF?
Are these daily activities at the expense of some household work she needs to do to assist her mother?

The mother-daughter bond (more so if your GF is the only child) is much stronger than your current bond with your GF.
25 yo means nothing if you are not financially independent.
It takes time and patience and money apparently in short supply in your case.

Die-hard(er) romantics want you to believe love conquers all, at the end of the day, a weak financial foundation ruins every relationship. sooner or later

BTW - where is the father?

@ Uco : thank you for coming back to the main topic, and I really don't know why she think that I am lying to her, she don't even know nothing about me.

@ Firas : thank you, your point of view is quite logic.

@ Yet Another : she lives with her mother because her salary is a little bit low, she have a brother but he works in another city just like her father.
Talking about the money, here in my country the wage is very low, so your point of view, "NO MONEY, NO PARTY", it's very illogical because you don't need money to love someone, otherwise only rich people can feel love which
is the opposite in real life.
Money don't buy you feelings, but I'm aware that can help in my situation.

@ Uco : thank you for coming back to the main topic, and I really don't know why she think that I am lying to her, she don't even know nothing about me.

Well, I was wondering what she thinks you may be lying about, not why.

For example, is she saying that "I will go to Japan." is a lie? Or is she saying "I love you." is a lie? Or is she saying that you are lying about your income or upbringing? What is it?

By the way, I meant to be on-topic for the whole time.