Are my feelings genuine?

So I met a guy online via a language exchange website. I was looking to improve my Japanese and noted that he lived in the same prefecture as me so I took him on. We send messages back and forth in English and Japanese daily and have been doing so for roughly 4 months now. We talk about almost everything and we�fve met in person twice. Initially, I didn�ft really think much of it. We were just language exchange buddies but after the first meeting, I came away feeling quite sexually attracted to him and also a little bit horrified because he isn�ft my usual type.

These days, I find myself looking forward to his messages and the second time we met and parted, I felt the same feelings as before plus a little sadness. I do think about him a lot but I�fm not sure if my feelings are genuine or whether it�fs some kind of sexual frustration. I haven�ft been in a relationship for about three years now.

He�fs a really nice guy. He�fs probably helped me more with than any other language exchange partners I�fve had. We have similar morals; we often agree on things, but I can�ft help but think we don�ft have a lot in common either. He�fs a drinker; I�fm not. He likes sports; I don�ft. I like otaku type things; he doesn�ft. He�fs also a little insecure (he feels that he�fs not attractive) and as I�fve unsuccessfully dated this type in the past, I feel like I should stay away from it.

So as you can see I�fm a bit conflicted in myself. There�fs a part of me that reckons that because I�fm questioning my feelings, it can�ft be entirely genuine, but at the same time, it has only been a short time we�fve known each other so I feel like I should give it time. And then of course there are his feelings as well because as far as I�fm aware�cwell�cI�fm not really sure what he thinks.

Give it time and try.;)

I think you should keep a good friendship as online/penpal friends. Keeping a good friendship with online/penpal friends are extremely difficult.

Thanks for your feedback.

Has anyone else had a similar situation?

As far as being confused and scared about suddenly becoming intensely attracted to a Japanese L.E buddy goes, I am RIGHT there with you! ... Although he is an awesome friend, he is NOT my type at all ( and I am not sexually frustrated in any way - unless I think about him ). So, I don't understand why my heart feels like exploding and my brain feels like going crazy from thinking about him so much and actually wanting him like this. Trying to act normal and uninterested ( more than regular friendship ) is starting to kill me, but I don't know what to do. Is it real? What is going on with me? Why is it that no matter what I do I can't overcome this feeling and it is actually getting worse instead? As a foreigner girl, would he ever feel the same way about me? Would it ever work with guy like him ( having all these differences and stuff )? Will I lose him as a friend if he finds out about my feelings? Y U do dis to me universe?!! .... So, yes, you are not alone! I am just as lost and terrified. Knowing that, I hope you feel better a little. I wish you the best of luck! Fighting! :3

I would like to also add that imo if he kept in contact with you daily for 4 months and met you twice without hitting on you and you are still in good relations, I don't think he is uninterested. :)

Hi Minerva. Thanks so much for your feedback. What's your story? How long has this been going on with your language exchange partner?

I know what you mean about the daily contact but he just makes no hint whatsoever which I know is quite common with shy men in this country. I'm still unsure and still frustrated. Maybe time is key...

Its been a little over a month that I started feeling this way about him, but it feels like a year already. Maybe if I wasn't desperately trying to put a lid on my emotions, and wasn't so afraid of my " I feel nothing " mask to accidentally slip off my face, things would be much better. But with the way it is right now, I feel truly suffocated! haha
Just like you, I have no clue about how he feels about me. You know, J-people are almost impossible to read. I truly envy them.

You said he is both shy and insecure about himself. You are also a "foreigner". All those are enough reasons for him not show any signs. To me, what I mentioned in the previous post were signs ( though, of course, I can't be sure).
If you can endure it, giving it more time is a good idea and also important ( since you are not sure about your own feelings right now either ).
I suggest you first try to find out what he thinks about dating non-Japanese, in general. Unfortunately, to some J-men friendship is fine, but getting emotionally involved is a big no no ( this is too cruel I could cry! ). Also, if the past two times you met up wasn't with just the two of you, you may want to invite him on a one on one meeting next time. Try to pick places that are famous "dating sites", but make it look light-hearted. If he agrees and shows up, that would be another good sign. See how the day will go. Casually asking about his type and stuff like that, even if it is just over mail, would also help you to see where his interest lies.
I don't suggest making any obvious moves before you are sure both about your feelings and his.

Anyways, sorry about the long reply! I hope it helps. Good luck with everything and keep me/us posted on how it goes. Best wishes~

His opinion on Japanese men with foreign women was that he thinks it looks a bit strange because foreign women are too gorgeous for Japanese men. Insecurity at it's finest. I've never asked him his type before but he has said more than once (when the topic has arisen) that he is very shy and wouldn't know how to talk to any girl.

The times we met, it was just us too. I invited him out the first time and he invited me out the second time. He also drove us an hour outside the city and didn't ask me to contribute for petrol even though I offered. His memory is sharp. He remembers a lot of things I say which makes me feel bad when I can't return to favour lol.

I agree about not making any moves. There are some quirks that irk me a bit. For example, he seems to live in this one t-shirt lol...

Common replies of a polite J-man, then. He may not be as insecure as he seems or as shy as he claims, though. %50 ( or higher ) of it could be J-etiquette for men, which (while could be confusing/misleading) I actually respect. What he said about dating non-J could easily mean that he doesn't like it, so you might want to keep that in mind (unless you don't mind becoming FWB with nothing else to it).

Based on what you have said so far, I can't say he definitely "likes" you, but I am %90 sure he is "interested". I leave that %10 in case he is just happy he has a female foreigner friend, but I kinda doubt it is just that.

If there are too many things you can't live with, instead of waiting for your feelings to develop, maybe you should get rid of them all together while you can. Otherwise, you may end up being frustrated and annoyed all the time even if you two get together. You seem to have a good friendship going on. I would suggest trying to maintain that and looking elsewhere emotionally.

I think I'm just gonna leave it to time. If the feelings grow, they grow, if they don't, they don't. I am his first and only foreign friend in japan. If he's interested, he's interested. If not, so be it. I didn't really expect to date or take an interest in anyone here funnily enough.

How long you been in japan anyway? Sounds like you've experienced quite a bit.