Should I give up on us?

Five months in a long term relationship with my boyfriend who is a Japanese. He does not speak English,very litlle,still learning and me zero Japanese.
We met online,and then we met once in Japan, and after that meeting, he confessed and we started an online relationship.
I am very new in Long Distance Relationships.
Even when we started,I already have worries about it. But because I really love my boyfriend,and I know he loves me too, I want to hold on. My boyfriend is a very busy man, he always have work that requires him either to work overtime or to work on assignments outside his city. We only have time to chat in the evening when his home until we both go to sleep. But throughout the day he send me text messages and very loving ones.
My problem is lately,we been having a lot of misunderstandings. Mostly as a result of I think his "sometimes poor choice of words" that tend to be hurtful.I always tried to understand him. But the thing is, he seemed to be really struggling with not only words, but sometimes, he does not express any remorse or emotions. He just say sorry when he think he hurt my feelings. End of discussion. This is really very hard for me. I want him to understand the "why and the what" of things. I love him but I am feeling tired and often find myself just crying feeling frustrated. Shall I hang on, on the hopes that it will work out? or should I just give up on us? I really don't know.
I know he is doing his best to express himself. I am doing mine too,but the distance between us,his busyness. Sometimes I cannot handle it.
I don't know if I should give up on us. But I love him so much.
Please talk to me.

I mean. Five months in a Long distance relationship- sorry

Red, this is one of common issues for foreign LDR. This is Japanese culture where Japanese man does not normally express his feeling to his love one and the conversation tend to be indirectly unlike western where conversation is mostly directly. You have to understand that it part of Japanese culture and even he is trying his best to express his feeling to you because you are not Japanese. If you can't accept it then end this relationship because relationship will never work it out if both of you guys can't work it out and respect each other cultures & values. Many LDR foreign couples do not last because of cultures conflict. But that doesn't mean LDR never work. There is always possible to work as long you and him work it out together to balance it. My girlfriend is Japanese and we have no issue with cultures because she is well blended in Western cultures but we sometime have problem with miscommunication even though her English is doing well but it not her mother tongue. Miscommunication caused negative argument like she said something negative in English but she doesn't mean that which I sometime got wrong assumption and get hurt. But we work it out quickly and we are still learning from each other. Things get alot better when we are learning and take amount of patience.

I'm gonna be honest with you, LDRs are not my bag. I honestly believe that while some people are just lucky enough to make them work, most of the time, these fall a part unless a) the people involved met before the distance started or b) the couple in question begin making plans to come together somehow thus terminating the "distance".

My advice however - start learning Japanese. It should help both you and him to communicate better.

I've heard it said that Japanese men are not particularly good at expressing their emotions like members of other cultures might be. They express their "feelings" as it were, through actions and the fact that he is making the effort to talk and keep in contact with you is one of those very "actions" I was talking about.

As the guy above me said, both of you need to have patience. Cross-cultural relationships come with challenges.

To adventureguy and Jemineye,thank you very much for talking to me. It means so much to me.When I wrote my post we just had a big misunderstanding.I was broken into pieces,I really wanted to throw the towel in. But I love him so much. The moment I read your posts,I felt happy and hopeful.
I am so grateful to you. Thank you.

We discussed about our recent misunderstandings,and I know in a way he understood me, and I told him that I misinterpreted what he said, I told him that I was sorry.
Then days after that talk seemed different for me,he still text me the same as before but I noticed that except for the usual "kisses" before and after his messages, he do not address me the same term of endearment as before, he would simply say "Baby".Also,he never say "I love you" like before. He used to tell me that before I tell him "I love you",this past week, I was the one who said it first before he replied with his "I love you too." And only once. Very different from before.
Then he would always send me his photograph,last time he did it was a very "not his normal" one.It usually pleasant and smiling, and this one it's like he is in a frozen stare.
All this really makes me worried. Are these signs? Or is it because he's been very tired and busy? I can't believe he's feelings changed that fast.
Last night I told him of the news that I am going to Japan and we will see each other again for the second time. He received it well and said although he is busy he will manage his schedule well.
I asked him, to be honest with me if he wants to see me again, he said yes, he wants to see me again. So we are off to bed and we said goodnight.I stayed online rereading our conversations. Then I noticed that change in calling me more "baby" than his term of endearment which is "my love". And no usual I love you. And I so paranoid now!
I made a big mistake again this morning, asking him about it. That I feel he does not love me anymore, because no more i love you and he only call me baby, not My Love.
I am worried, and afraid he will misunderstand that again.
It is really so hard. But I love him, and I really feel so lost.

Don't so be paranoid. Maybe he's tired. When I went to visit my boyfriend, he said the same thing about managing his schedule because his work gotten busy. When I went down he's usually at work, but alway find time to take me out or we just snuggle at home XD He told his parent and even his neighbors to take care of me while he's at work. Sometimes they don't say "i love you" ad much, but their action speaks for it. You don't need to say it all the time. Just loosen up and when you get back down to japan. Just have fun and spend as much time with him as possible. Writing message and expressing emotion in person is alot different because you can't see some things through messages. Anyway, good luck :)

To the poster above,thank you for your thoughts,I really appreciate them. I feel a bit better.
I hope he will not misinterpret it again.
And I and my feelings "will be held hostage by Whatapp" today until he text me later at break time.
You are correct about "Writing message and expressing emotion in person is alot different because you can't see some things through messages".
That is the real low down of LDR, and much more so with me when my man knows very little English.
Thank you again.

He's been busy with work lately, and always in a rush when we are texting. But he never fail to text, but contents not as loving as before.
I asked him about this, he said that I should not worry, that "women worry so much on details, and men don't." I really want to believe this. But I feel he's been different.
Are Japanese men really have this tendency, specially when they are busy with work?
It's getting colder, and lonelier.

You said he never fail to text you. Why are you so worried. If you read some of the other thread you would realize you are lucky he message you instead of dissapearing. I could understand that when a person is busy, they rush texting which would appear as cold depending on how you read it. When I'm at work, i text really fast and short because my time is limited and by the time I get back home, i sometimes fall asleep without knowing. Same with my bf, but at least he text and call me. You should have a little trust in your man for your ldr to work.

Yeah, i know I should trust him more. But I guess it's the mighty distance that makes me feel so insecure.
You have a point there. Thank you for talking with me

Do you think hard on how to put things in a simple way?

In my case I know it's easier for me to express myself in a not so good Japanese than English because I don't have to worry people won't understand. It's very hard to write something and have people who don't master a language understand it that way.

From my own experience using Japanese, through texts there are many misunderstanding of the actual intent. When one friend tells me "bestu ni ii yo" I tend to see it as how people say it in anime (usually in an annoyed tone) while she didn't mean it that way.

It's better to use clear words to make sure he understands you well. I can also understand him because talking in a language you're not proficient in is very tiring so when you are already quite busy with work it's very hard to read and write long messages.

If he's making the effort to reply every day, I think he must have strong feelings for you.I know people in relationship who are happy when their boyfriend replies within a few days.

Hi, I just wanted to recommend you to watch Densha Otoko, it like explains a man and his feelings. They look like they are hard to express themselves, they need a lot of courage :3

The character in Densha Otoko is a hopeless otaku at the beginning. He can't even talk to her without hesitating on every word.

I don't think it's likely her boyfriend is like this. He also doesn't say his feelings because he's too dense (or in denial) to see that the girl likes him from the start.

It's true that Japanese guys don't tell their feelings so much but the reason is different in Densha Otoko I think.

Thank you for taking time reading my post and giving your advice,they give me hope.

@meneldal,yes, that is so very true with what you said. I am now,trying my best to write more simpler and easy to understand words, sentences.And the part where you said, talking or writing in a language is tiring...I remember he mentioned that before too.
@lagalaxia, thanks for your recommendation. But my boyfriend is nothing close to your/meneldal's description of the character.He is a confident,accomplished man in his field of work. Which makes me insecure, really!
We are still the same, when I first wrote my post here. He is very consistent with his usual 4-7 liners text.
Last week, my first cousins who are from Washington DC, asked me to join them to travel to Japan since they know I have been there so many times. I agreed, and of course I was very excited to tell him.We only communicated thru text,he said he is happy to know we will see each other soon, but guess what after that line comes the, but I am a salary man. I do not know if I will be busy that time. My enthusiasm died that instant, I don't know if he felt it but after some moments, he replied saying that, he will try his best to have some time with me.
I am excited yet afraid. I am so excited to see him again, and in such way I will know if there is something there still. But I am afraid, that its still a long time before that meeting in the fall,so many "what if's"
What is wrong with me!!!

What is wrong with me!!!

(a) too clingly like Saran/Glad wrap
(b) naggy
"nag nag here and nag nag there,
here nag, there nag, every hour nag nag
Old McDonald had a wife, EIEIO"
(c) your (poor/pitiful) man has no room to breathe, he needs to focus on his working life(his bread and sushi) while working
(d) Focus on the basics/essentials, not the frills and momentary thrills

BTW - are you working as you seem to have a lot of spare time?
Keep yourself occupied - not with inane and meaningless stuff

Detached observer(Yet Another)

@ Yet another--I had a good laugh reading your post --thank you! I really need that.
But then, nag? I don't think so. No way.
Saran/glad wrap, well maybe when your LDR relationship thrive only on "one liner text messages" and yet still misunderstandings galore! You need a good "cling" to survive it!
And lastly, I work,I own my time(I have a children's clothes line,I am a designer).

Apart from your Nursery-rhyme-of-a-mantra, that I can still hear playing in my head (haha)
I appreciate this : (d) Focus on the basics/essentials, not the frills and momentary thrills.

Thank you again

Online / Long Distance Relationships!

Most of these don't go well over a long period of time for the obvious reasons. I too have a thing for Japanese people, but in my case women not men. When I lived in Hawaii it was easier because any girls I dated most times visited me in Hawaii on their vacation time or made time to come see me. On the mainland here in the USA it is harder it seams to get a Japanese lady interested, and even when I do it seams to die off after a few months mainly because of the distance. There is not a whole lot that can be done online, over the net, Skype, etc. & if I had the means to go to Japan, or love there I would.

Most cases regardless of the location if its long distance & there is not a way for you both to be together, its going to bottom out at some point & its not fair for either of you to hold on to something that is just going to hurt even more in the long run. The longer you love someone, the harder it is to let go.

Don't put yourself or him threw it if you really love him, set him free or find a way to be with him in real life.

No hate to either of you, and I hope you can find a way to be together.

Good luck!

5 months is not a long term relationship may be for you it is--- The main problem is that he can,t speak english and the way you are expacting he can,t express his feelings to you-So please just try to understand him and if it possible just learn a japanese that you both will communicate good and understand each other--- i personally in relationship with a fhilipino from last more then 4 years she is in Japan and i am to far from her--and now we get marry with each other but till now we are far some time she visted to me for 2 weeks---In japan life is to much busy i know that bcoz my wife is working we mostly talk in lunch time break and when she go home in evening time--there will be some time misunderstanding between us to but we never give up we are still adjusting and try our best to make our relationship more strong--all you need to adjust my friend---just try to understand your boy friend thats the only way to make your relationship stronger---my advise is that if it possible and if you have a time please learn Japanese so it will be good for you both to communicate and understand each other well

Red, Japanese people tend to take work very serious and normally get very busy. My girlfriend is like that and we don't talk much because she is working. It sometime made me feel lonelier or wondering if she not interesting to talk to me but in reality she just a busy at work and so tired. She will text me when she can. That is common in Japan unlike in Western countries.