Onsen - bathing with children

Do my son (10 years old) and I have to go seperate or is my son allowed in female section?
I am a mum travelling with my 10 year old son. We will travel from Tokyo to Takayama to Kyoto and have a few days to spare to go elsewhere - tips welcome!

I believe that you will have to go to seperate baths if your son is ten.

However, certain onsen may have private family baths or kazokuburo which you should be allowed in together

I was checking local (Japanese) question forums about this; while opinions vary, the general consensus seems to be up till 6 or 7 years old, early elementary school age. If the boy is tall/looks well grown for his age, some women might find it uncomfortable. (Beyond certain age, boys "look" at female bodies, though the mom might not notice it.)

I also suggest staying over at an inn where they have "family baths" (kazoku buro) or "rent-to-yourselves bath" (kashikiri buro), which you can use for a limited time just by yourselves.

Sorry to say I will not feel comfortable seeing a boy in the same onsen with me.

I'm pretty sure that most 10 year old boys would be aghast at the thought of being made to go into the female section at an onsen. I can assure you Jane that at that age boys are far more likely to be acutely embarrassed by their own nakedness when surrounded by strange women than interested in anything you might have on display.

As others have said, if you want to take him to an onsen, kazokuburo or kashikiriburo is the way to go.

At 10 yrs old, is it not possible that he can go to the men's section and bathe?

Undoubtedly, it may be a challenge at first, but wouldn't it also give a huge sense of achievement?

The same "rules" apply in all onsens (i.e. the same etiquette applies and you do the same actions in the same order - undress, wash, rinse, then bathe). If you teach him these things, he can't really go wrong.

Alternatively, gender-mixed onsens still exist (though mostly in Tohoku it seems). At Nyuto onsen, for example :http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3650.html.

I was unconfortable with girls in the Men's side of the Baths. Men will bring thier daughters into the hot spring with them. I am bnot sure how old they were, but I would guess that they were under 8 years old. I have gone to Japan four times, and this has happens to me about once or twice on each visit.

I am now used to it, but the first couple of times, it did bother me.

I don't mind at all if toddlers go to the opposite gender onsen, but ten is absolutely not OK. I was in a very local Akita onsen once where a ten year old or so came in with his grandmother and he was totally inappropriate with staring at people (at me mostly). Very uncomfortable. I got out and complained to the owners.

Gifu Prefecture Piblic Bath Association include Takayama states children can be taken bath with either their parents age up to 12 years old.
Kyoto City Office Public Health Council states children can be taken bath age up to 7 years old. So that it is slightly different rules apply depending on where you take the bath.
I believe children age over 8 years old should take the gender side of bath room no matter whom he/she is together.

I think your son would love to visit the Maglev Exhibition Center for one of the days you have to spare.

http://www.linear-museum.pref.yamanashi.jp/english/index.html

At 10 yrs old, is it not possible that he can go to the men's section and bathe?

I totally agree with the others about 10 year olds not being appreciated in or even forbidden entering women's baths, but at the same time, I think it would be quite difficult for the boy to go to a public bath all alone if it's his very first time.

When I was a twelve year old girl, I was led to our own home bath in Japan for the first time in 5 years and I didn't know how to use it and was too shy to ask my family. Before that, when I was about nine I went to a YMCA shower room in the U.S. alone for the very first time and just stood there annoying my mom waiting outside. Again, I was timid and shy and scared of others coming in even though each shower had walls around it.

The beginning of adolsence, such as ten, is a very sensitive age. It would be great if the boy is with a male friend or father, but if not, I insist that you start with a family bath and that the mother tells him precisely how to use it. Once he gets used to things, he might want to venture into the men's bath, rules explained beforehand.

Have a fun bath time!

I agree with Uco, I think that unless he grew up in Japan, a boy that age would be very uncomfortable going to a men's bath by himself or bathing in the women's bath with his mom. Book a room which comes with a bath.

It's not all that different from going swimming.

I assume that the boy is capable of getting changed and showered on his own.

I would very much expect a 10 yr old child to be able to listen to instructions (how to use the bath), and then be able to bathe without an adult.

most people don't go swimming nekkid.

depends on where you're swimming ;)

Is that why I kept getting funny looks in my neighbourhood swimming pool? ;0)

Seriously, there is a tendency for Japanese people to assume that their customs are very difficult for non-Japanese to understand. This is not always so.

In the case of bathing, it's really not difficult. You wash before you bathe. It's the same drill everywhere, and most onsens have the same layout, so it's not generally confusing as to what to do and where to go.

If you need it, here are scores of cartoons showing you what to do. There will probably be one in your ryokan room, in case he forgets or is nervous.

I assume that a woman travelling with a 10 yr old will have to let him go and do other things by himself (go to a public toilet, for example), and that this isn't a problem for the boy.

I also assume that the woman may take the boy swimming (or similar activity that involves segregated changing rooms) in their own country, and/or that the boy will have experience of getting dressed and undressed and washed/showered on his own for sports at school.

Surely this sort of thing is a reasonable target for a 10 yr old to be able to do?

I also assume that the woman may take the boy swimming (or similar activity that involves segregated changing rooms) in their own country, and/or that the boy will have experience of getting dressed and undressed and washed/showered on his own for sports at school.

Depends on the country and era you grew up in. For example, my dad was always surprised that kids at my high school didn't shower after gym or sports. The showers were there but no one used them (at least not without a bathing suit on), so I didn't really encounter shower rooms until I was in college.

I did try an onsen when I was 12 and it was a huge step at the time. Doing it alone among strangers would probably have been impossible.

Surely this sort of thing is a reasonable target for a 10 yr old to be able to do?

Can't hurt to ask him, but I would not be surprised if the boy felt more comfortable waiting outside in the lounge instead.

Going to a public restroom is very different from bathing naked in front of naked strangers. Some schools have done away with community showers after gym class; they now have semi-private showers.

And I imagine many western (especially American) parents might have reservations about allowing their child to enter a bath alone with unrelated adults.

Fair enough.

It must just be me who expects that a 10 yr old can do these things.

On the nakedness front, I would have been quite OK with bathing naked in front of strangers at that age. However I would have gone to great lengths to avoid bathing naked with my mother! The idea of a family bath just wouldn't have worked for the 10 year old me.