Dealing with nose comments

I`ve been living in Japan for six months as an ESL teacher and am getting tired of people constantly commenting on my nose. If it was just the kids I would understand, but everyone does it. When they first meet me they will always say `your nose is so big`. I have a prominent nose that I`ve always been incredibly embarrassed about - growing up I was bullied for it at school to the point of wanting to get a nose job just to make the taunting stop. A Japanese friend explained to me once that big noses in Japan are a an object of desire, so people intend it as a compliment. Is this true or was she just trying to make me feel better? And as an educator how should I respond to remarks like this? Up until now I`ve just laughed them off to avoid an awkward situation but I feel that it`s partly my job to educate kids about how to be tactful when meeting foreigners, after all if I don`t teach them what`s appropriate, who will?

I feel that it`s partly my job to educate kids about how to be tactful when meeting foreigners

Exactly! Why not just tell them straightforward during class? The kids will learn, and they'll tell their parents.

No matter how good the intentions are, if a person doesn't like to be said something then they shouldn't be saying that. Just tell them that you don't like it, or if that isn't enough, ask other teachers for language assistance. School children in Japan are educated to "hito no iyagaru koto wa shinai (You shouldn't do what others don't like being done.)"

That said, I also feel that there is something lost in translation here. What they are saying is not exactly the same thing as "big nose." They are probably trying to say "takai hana" which means an eminent nose or a prominent nose. It can also be interpretated to "noble nose" or "stylish nose." You may want to teach them these alternative, or more accurate expressions instead.

Either way, I agree that it's not right to have them keep on calling people "big nose" when the country is trying to welcome more and more foreign visitors, especially when they don't even mean it.

There is indeed an expression which is closer to the English "big nose." It's "deka-bana" which is quite insulting.

Tell your students that "big nose" is "deka-bana" and that if they want to say something nicer they should use other expressions.

They do mean it as a compliment, as Japanese (including myself) consider that we have "low" nose (actually low at the nasal bridge), which some of us/many of us consider an un-stylish feature.

But still, you could teach them that it is rude to make comments to people (though well intended) about their physical features - that is what my mother taught me. I guess some people think it is OK to make comments about physical features with foreigners - "they look different, so no problem mentioning it, right?" kind of reaction might be kicking in. But it should be taken for granted that people come in all different shapes, so you could teach them not to comment on physical features.

You could embarrass them into not making any further comments by saying something like "watashi no umaretsuki no hana desu ga, sore ga douka shimashita ka?" (It's the nose that I was born with, so, what about it?) with a smile. Or even "Sore ga douka shimashita ka?" (So, what about it?) with a smile.

Oh man do I feel your pain- I get the "big nose" comments in conjunction with the "small face" comments- it makes me feel like people see me as some kind of giant nose-monster! Though they mean well I usually tell people that in the west commenting on someone's nose is never a good thing, in fact, most western people prefer small noses and "big/tall nose" or anything that suggests your nose sticks out is quite an insult. Many people, like you, OP, have been bullied because of their noses and I'd hate for an unsuspecting Japanese person to make them feel bad.

"Small face" is just odd- not really an insult, but often the people telling me have smaller faces than I do, just arranged a little differently.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I guess my question is how to let people know it's rude in a way that will not cause friction. Is it bad for me to say "that's not very nice"? or "that's an offensive thing to say"? People in Japan are well meaning so I really don't want to hurt them by responding negatively to something they didn't mean maliciously. Also I'm on the JET Program and am supposed to be a "cultural ambassador" of sorts. I feel like we're expected to suck it up when people say tactless things because reacting badly will reflect poorly on our home countries. In the onsen when women gawk at me and comment on my body I feel that I can't say anything because I'm supposed to be friendly to the public. "Sore ga douka shimashita ka" sounds okay, can I use this with my colleagues who are senpai? Do Japanese people say something if a rude comment is made about them, or do they ignore it to avoid confrontation? I'm thinking about doing a lesson around cultural sensitivities around the world but my kids are so shy around foreigners that I don't want to discourage them further by making them second guess what they say.

Hi again.

I think the golden rule in communiation is to (A) accept the idea of the other party and then to (B) go ahead and offer your alternative ideas.

In other words, I think things would go down better if you first make it clear that you understand that they mean well: "Having a prominent nose is good in Japan, right? Thank you for the compliment." And then you can say that it's usually not appreciated in the international world: "But many people in my country do not like to be told that. Please don't comment about people's noses."

Accepting the local culture while informing what is odd about it; that's probably what "cultural ambassadors" are supposed to do.

"Sore ga douka shimashita ka" sounds okay, can I use this with my colleagues who are senpai?

This is a sarcastic expression, so you can use it to almost anybody who understands that you took the comment as an insult.

For example, if someone comments on your nose purely out of goodwill and you respond back with the above expression, the person won't understand what you're trying to say. But if you first teach them that commenting on the nose is not good, and that person still makes that comment, then by hearing you say, "Sore ga douka..." they will take it as a mild reminder to let them remember that it's insulting.

Do Japanese people say something if a rude comment is made about them, or do they ignore it to avoid confrontation?

Japanese responses come in all different shapes and sizes. But when we talk about one of the biggest themes in school education which is "bulling," we say that ignoring is the same thing as accepting the negative action, so it's usually considered best to "respond, but in a way that wouldn't hurt others."

Hope it helps.

I had similar comments in North-America and Japan..both times in a swimming pool dressing room..where I just minded my business..without looking at other people..

Being a nice man I just said that my nose wasn't the only big thing...it visibly embarrassed the guys and I bet that they never talked about noses again..

Also I'm on the JET Program and am supposed to be a "cultural ambassador" of sorts. I feel like we're expected to suck it up when people say tactless things because reacting badly will reflect poorly on our home countries. In the onsen when women gawk at me and comment on my body I feel that I can't say anything because I'm supposed to be friendly to the public.

I don't think you are expected to do that, and if being part of JET almost pressures you to act friendly and suck it up, that's not a good thing either...

Since you are a cultural ambassador, you should be saying how you feel (as someone from another culture) what is acceptable and what is not. In addition, as I said earlier, making comments about people's physical features IS considered very bad manner in Japan. It is just that since non-Japanese people obviously look different, some people think it's OK to say things about you being different, without giving it a thought.

You could say "Nihon de wa, hito no karada ni tsuite iroiro iu no wa, ii manaa na'n desu ka?"
(In Japan, is it good manner to say things about people's body?) And let them realize that they are being rude, because in Japan it is NOT OK to say those things...