Disappearing friends while studying

Hi all!
So want to get some input from everyone.
I've been studying Japanese for over a year now. I went to Japan twice and have fallen in love with the culture, and especially the language. I've never been more happy in my life than when I was in Japan using this new language I've been studying hard for.

Now here's my problem... my biggest motivation for studying has been meeting new people and making friends through using this language. However, they slowly always disappear! Especially the friends I make through language exchange apps.

I really love the language and the culture, but when the biggest motivation of making friends is becoming disheartening when they all end up disappearing in the end, I'm feeling a bit down on studying now.

I have (had?) a couple of really good friends, who I met both times I went to Japan, and have been talking to for a year. However, recently even they have started to fade, from messaging every day to once every 4 days if I'm lucky.

Anyone else have this issue? Maybe I'm being too casual with them... no idea. I thought I was really good friends with a few of them.

Any advice is appreciated, I really love the language and the culture, I just want to know I can actually make some friends that don't disappear without a reason.

People are not study tools. You say those conversations brought you motivation, etc., but what do you think they brought those people?

I guess I should clarify. The motivation comes from wanting to be able to express myself better next time I meet them. I don't try to use anyone as a study tool.

I really do have a genuine interest in the person as a friend when I'm speaking with them and I like to think they enjoyed talking to me as well, but maybe not if they are disappearing. Again, it could be because I'm just not fluent yet, and the conversation isn't as interesting for them?

Maybe I'm too old or too Japanese or whatever, but I thought people could only handle as much as messaging once every 4 days with a couple of really good friends.

At least I've got lots to do with my career, studying, family life, social life and relaxing , so I can't be sending messages to every "friend" on facebook. I was also talking to some (pretty real) friends of mine over lunch the other day, who told me they also can't handle people who need to be texted every day, unless you've just met and have lots to talk about.

Just out of curiosity, do you messages back and forth every day from dozens of friends in your home country? How do you and all your friends manage to do it?

Sorry, I meant to write "do you send messages back and forth every day between dozens of friends in your home country?"

See? Just a typo is so time consuming.

Anyone else have this issue? Maybe I'm being too casual with them... no idea. I thought I was really good friends with a few of them.

If you search the forums you'll find that this is a common occurrence among language exchange penpals. Typical issues that arise include that most of the relationships are rather topical, language exchange is time consuming and effortfull, and people get busy. So it's hard to keep these things going without a lot of effort put into it on both sides of the conversation.

" I have (had?) a couple of really good friends, who I met both times I went to Japan, and have been talking to for a year. However, recently even they have started to fade, from messaging every day to once every 4 days if I'm lucky."

I think that your expectations are too high and unrealistic. I have friends in Japan that I have known for eight years, and who I see a few times a year. We typically email one another once a month or, even less.

People are busy and they may not know you well enough to be in regular (or as you desire, constant) contact. Indeed, it took me several visits to Japan and seeing the same people regularly before any kind of consistent contact commenced (and before I could genuinely call them friends).

I've had my Japanese friends for a couple of years now. 2 even came to my country! We don't message every day all the time. Sometimes there's even a 2 week gap in between and in my opinion that's totally understandable. We all have our jobs and other friends we can't neglect. I don't send messages to my other close friends for several weeks too. I read them and reply much later when I do have time to spare.
I think your expectations are too high.

Out of sight out of mind. Long distance friendships are hard to keep up just like long distance romances.