Adults living with their parents

Is it normal in Japan for single, 35 year old man to live with his parents? In my home country this would be highly unusual, but I know that it's more common here for people to live with their parents until they get married. However at the same time I've heard about the term 'parasite single', which seems to indicate that it's considered strange, so I'm a wondering what the 'norm' is in Japan today.

Hi,

In Japan, many of young college students have to start job-hunting one year ago of graduation.
This is because almost all "normal" companies do recruit-activity only for prospective graduates who graduate next year.
If he can't get an offer during this period, it is difficult for him to find another normal workplace.
So they may give up looking for good workplaces and getting married.

But this is the extreme negative idea!
I simply think that there is no merit to live separately from their parents daringly, especially in case of unmarried.
Living with parents is a kind of virtue, I think.

In conservative families, it's even expected for a man to live with his parents forever even after marriage. The idea is that it's the children's turn to look after their parents, so it's not that they're not independant.

Then is it normal in Japan for a single, 35 year old man to live with his parents? Well, it's normal, but conservatively you're expected to be married by that age. And if you're not married for one reason or another, a lot of parents do insist on the son to live away.

However, living with parents itself is not considered a bad thing at all if the son has a job, is paying for utilities and food, and is offering a helping hand to the parents.

That said, in reality there are many 35-year-old single "parasites" who rely most things on their parents, from housework to payment. This is considered a bad thing (although it's unfortunately normal).

By the way, Japan doesn't share the custom of sending your kids to a dorm once they're 18. If college or work is commutable from home, they stay there. Here in Japan, housing is often expensive and work can be quite hard especially for newbies, so in a way it's practical. A lot of girls are even expected to live either with her parents or her husband.

But if you're a Japanese girl, and you meet a Japanese guy who's 35, single and lives with his parents, you do tend to think, "Could he be a mama's boy?"

If college or work is commutable from home, they stay there.

Not many places have a good college within commutable distance, however. Where I am, most students are from far away and live away from home.

Not many places have a good college within commutable distance, however. Where I am, most students are from far away and live away from home.

All my son's male friends and our neighbors commute(d) from their homes here in Yokohama, to various colleges in Kanagawa and Tokyo including the so-called Top Six Universities. Nowadays, universities do have new campus way out in the suburbs, but students still seem to manage some 2 hrs of commuting time which is normal here in Japan. Students do tend to move away from home if they don't live near big cities like Osaka and Nagoya, though.

But if you're a Japanese girl, and you meet a Japanese guy who's 35, single and lives with his parents, you do tend to think, "Could he be a mama's boy?"
This is what people think in my culture when adults live with their parents. In my country we don't have dorms but young people tend to move out of home between the ages of 18 and 22, usually into a house they share with other young people. Most people work part time jobs while they're at university so they can afford to move out of home. People who live with their parents beyond the age of 25 are seen as 'moochers' (similar to 'parasite singles').

It seems that in Japan people have different opinions about it and that some families expect it whilst others prefer their sons and daughters to move away. Maybe it depends on what part of Japan they live in. Is it normal for unmarried men in smaller, more 'conservative' cities outside of Tokyo and Osaka to live with their parents? What about men who move away to attend college in another prefecture, then get a job in their home town so they move back in with their parents after they graduate from college?

In conservative families, it's even expected for a man to live with his parents forever even after marriage. The idea is that it's the children's turn to look after their parents, so it's not that they're not independant.
How common it is in Japan for families to have this view? What happens if the man gets married? Is it expected that his wife will move in with him and his parents to help look after them? Who will look after her parents if she moves in with her husband's family?

In Australia accommodation is becoming very expensive like Japan, so it is becoming more and more common for sons and daughters of all ages staying with parents (even married) to try and save money or/and go to University.

Universities have dorms, but they too are not cheap, and it is not the same sort of culture as 'Colleges' in the US.
If possible, kids attend a Uni close to home.

I think it is good for kids to stay and keep their parents company.

Actually, this issue has been discussed on this forum before, and I remember that I wasn't surprised to see someone writing that the traditional way in Japan is similar to that of many Latin countries.

Anyway, I don't know how "common" what is, but it's difficult to judge from the surface. You might see a man living with his parents and without a wife, but he may be financially independent and looking after his aging parents. You never know.

What I wanted to point out in my previous post is that, at least in Japan, you won't be frowned upon just because you're old and living with your parents. It's the way you live with them.

Are you sure the parents are not living with the son?