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Home - Question Forum

Bi-sexual. Will she hate me?

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Bi-sexual. Will she hate me? 2007/2/14

Hey. I'm a 20 year old bi-sexual guy, and I have a Japanese friend coming to England to visit me. I met her while travelling in Australia, and when I left she gave me a goodbye letter explaing how she feels about me. I feel the same about her, but I never told her that I'm Bi-sexual. Obviously I don't want to lie to her and I have to tell her when she arrives here as it's not really the thing to say on MSN. I also don't want to hurt her. Do Japanese people accept this is it a big no - no? Any help please
Thanks

by english guy86

in my opinion... 2007/2/14

*in my opinion*
If she have an affection(sweet emotion) toward you, she might be hurt.
But I think she don't hate you because you are bisexual.
If anything, if she get some not good feeling toward you (if ever), I think it's because you don't tell her for long time.
In my opinion, I think it's better for you to tell her before she go to England to visit you...
Because if she have some sweet emotion toward you, it might be useless for her to visit you...
Anyway, I think she don't have bad feeling only because your sexuality...
Take care!!

by Luka rate this post as useful

hi 2007/2/14

it depends on the person, not the ethnicity.
she might accept you, she might not.
in japan there are a lot more bisexual rock bands and stuff, so if shes into jrock she'll probably accept you

by livy rate this post as useful

. 2007/2/14

As you already know that there is some kind of romance between you and live far away from each other, I think it is only fair for her to know before she visits you. It is a lot to investment if she is interested in only straight guys.

by . rate this post as useful

additon 2007/2/14

She perhaps will be hurt if you didn't tell her before she visits you. Probably she would think, "why didn't you tell me before?". BUT it doesn't mean she will dislike because of your sexual orientation. It is not no-no but Japanese in general are close minded on this stuff. At the very least, you will know where she stands. Good luck.

by . rate this post as useful

my guess is... 2007/2/15

I�fm a Japanese woman, and I�fd say about a half of Japanese women do not like gay/bisexual men.
The another half may like the idea to have gay/bisexual men friends however most of them may not want to have a bisexual man as a boyfriend since it is tired to worry about both men and woman as love rivals.
So I would guess the percentage she wouldn�ft mind might be less than 10%.
However I think you should tell her anyway, (it�fs better before she leaves Japan but if you can�ft, you can wait till she arrives. it�fs up to you.) since this is the real you and you�fd better not to hide that from somebody you want to have a relationship with.
Also she may like the fact (even if the chance is rather rare), who knows?
Good luck!

by a Japanese woman rate this post as useful

Thanks for your help 2007/3/3

Hey, thank you for all your hepl. She was shocked when I told her, she even offered to introduce me to her gay friends, and didn't understand why i said why no!! Thank you again for all your help you have all been great!!

by English guy 86 rate this post as useful

Half don't likr gay men 2007/3/3

WOW someone said about half of Japanese women don't like gay men. How judgemental. In the western world maybe that figure is the same, however I find as a gay man women are the most tolerant, they love spending time with gay men because they don't feel treatened or perhaps they can just enjoy the company of a man with no strings attached. I am going to japan in 2 weeks with my male partner and I can only hope that we are treated with respect by all Japanese people. In these times people need to understand that regardless of sexual preference, if some someone is nice and respectful, they should act the same way towards them.

by Lee rate this post as useful

. 2007/3/3

Well Lee, I believe A Japanese Woman wasn't trying to be judgmental on a personal level, but the statistical estimate of hers does reflect her interpretation of the real situation, where perhaps half the female population are judgmental on gay/bisexual men.
I mean she did explain clearly that the other half are pretty okay with making friends with them just as you imagined, provided they (the bisexuals only obviously, not the gay men) won't become their boyfriends.
I believe what A Japanese Woman because when yours truly previously traveled around Japan with another male's company, we could detect the frowned and surprised looks by the hotel staff when we checked in. They did not seem keen to communicate or welcome us at all and I felt offended at the lack of service. That's until when only one room key was finally handed to us did I realise they had mistaken we were a gay couple. When we got the issue cleared up and explained we need two separate rooms, by that time they were all smiles and joking with us. I suspect Japan might not be as open to gays as it should be, unless you are Ken Hirai.

by GEORGE W. ROUGE rate this post as useful

. 2007/3/4

I agree with G.W.Rouge. The poster simply brought up the hard fact. Wheather you like it or not, Japan is not as open as European countries about gay/bi yet. It is completely up to the individual.

by . rate this post as useful

I will be prepared 2007/3/4

OK, nothing against A Japanese woman point of view, I was just a bit shocked that these statistics were considered the norm. George it was very interesting reading about your hotel experiences in Japan and I guess we will have to be prepared for Japanese Hotel staff being rude to us and avoiding us just because we are gay. I understand it is a different scene in Japan compared to Europe or Australia (where we are from) but we are friendly people and are really looking forward to our trip in 2 weeks. Maybe we should ask for two keys for our room or twin beds rather than one double bed. Maybe this will result in friendly hotel staff.

by Lee rate this post as useful

Excuse me 2007/3/4

But I am not the one who posted it! Please check the ID. It is "a Japanese woman" not "A Japanese woman's view". Thank you.

by A Japanese woman's view rate this post as useful

Sorry 2007/3/5

Maybe some misunderstanding I did mean to say "A Japanese womans" point of view, not that the post from from "A Japanese Womans View". Thank You.

by Lee rate this post as useful

. 2007/3/5

Enjoy the trip. Don't bother with getting two rooms, it will be an unnecessary waste of money.
Don't ever let what others think of you or what you believe they think, to ruin your joy. There are way too many humans out there who don't understand jack all in life and very intolerant of anything they don't like. The cynical ones are always the hypocrites because they fail to see the bigger picture in life.

by GEORGE W. ROUGE rate this post as useful

Have a nice trip! 2007/3/6

Yes, I wrote that I�fd say about a half of Japanese women do not like gay/bisexuals, but even so, I think most of those women do not hate gay/bisexuals or be offended by the existence of gay/bisexuals generally.
So I don�ft think gay people are treated particularly badly while traveling in Japan.
In fact, you would meet many nice people and would have much fun here since Japanese people usually like to welcome visitors. I admit some Japanese are too shy to break the ice with foreign guests, though. (Might that be a part of the reason, George felt not treated well at first in Japan??)
I guess still there is a chance that some hotels (especially so called �glove hotel�h) may refuse two men occupying a room with one bed, but a room with twin bed in ordinary hotels shouldn�ft be a problem at all.
Lee, I hope you have a good time in Japan!
To English guy 86, I wish you good luck in future!

by a Japanese woman rate this post as useful

To A Japanese Woman 2007/3/6

Thank you for your encouraging words. You have made me feel a lot happier about travelling in Japan with my partner. I got a bit worried there for a while. The good thing is we are not staying in any Love Hotels, just normal western style accommodation in Tokyo, Kyoto & Osaka. We are really looking forward to our trip and have done so since booking it in November. If people are rude to us I should just think that it is their problem not ours. We would never show each other affection in public, not even in Australia and definately wouldn't do it in Japan. Thank you Again.

by Lee rate this post as useful

Good feelings in General 2007/3/9

I have asked gay friends in Japan who lived also in Europe and the U.S. how Japan compares to those countries for gays and bi-sexual people. They have told me that it's actually easier in Japan to feel accepted, so I hope you have that experience. Enjoy the travel and the incredible welcome Japan offers visitors!

by ms rate this post as useful

. 2007/3/31

Well, if she was a decent person, she wouldn't judge your person, as only by sexuality. Tell her and make the best of it.

by MoonEclipse rate this post as useful

What was the question? 2007/4/12

ZIP
Ok, my flameretardant suit is on.
If she wants sex, are you saying you won't give it to her? Is this because you are "bi" or because you don't like her "that way"?
She's Japanese, you don't really think she loves you, do you?
Don't you think she just wants a cheap place to stay?
You better tell her you are gay. If you tell her you are bi, and like to have sex with some women, but you don't want to have sex with her, that seems pretty mean.
Besides, she just wants free rent, and free food, and anything else free she can get out of you.
Being gay means you don't have to pay, right?

by Bobby rate this post as useful

. 2007/4/13

Hmm... Just like in other countries, I think you can find people of two extremes in Japan. Those who can accept and those who are plain homophobic. *shrug* Just look at the amount of gay (BL) stuff in Japan, and you know there are people who can accept. It's the same everywhere, and I guess nobody can help it...

by akari rate this post as useful

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