attending a wake service in Japan

Hello everyone,
I have been asked to attend a wake service later on today (Sun) . I have checked the archives for similar postings and the Japan Guide article on funeral services in Japan. I still have a couple of questions though. Should I bring flowers to the wake? also, do I need to bring a rosary? I don't have a rosary but read the guests individually pray using a rosary. Finally if anyone could teach me an appropriate message for the family I would be very grateful.
Thanks in advance.
Alex

Alex,

No, you don't take flowers, and you don't need to take a rosary - unless that is something you yourself normally use.
You do need to take a small cash gift placed inside a special envelope available from convenience stores.

Alex, assuming you are attending a buddist wake, needing a rosary or not depends on the custom which differs mainly according to the region. For example, in greater Tokyo, it is quite common for hardly anyone to be carrying a rosary, but in conservative regions, everyone is expected to hold one when greeting the deceased.

It would be best if you can ask someone attending the same ceremony. If not, ask a rosary sales clerk (such as one in a department store) for advise. If you tend to live in Japan for several more years, it might be a good opportunity to buy an appropriate rosary fit for your gender and occasion.

The amount of cash also differs depending on your relationship with the deceased and the custom of the region. Best, go to a stationary shop or department store to buy the envelope and ask for advise there. The bills shouldn't be fresh, by the way. They should be fairly neat but used.

That said, non-Japanese are excused of any cultural mistakes they may make.

Thanks Dave and Uco,

Right, I see.
One more question, is at appropriate to wear all black? or is that only for the funeral?

Many thanks again

Alex

Alex, it is appropriate to wear all black, but it can be anything else as long as it's dark and plain.

Culturally, the idea is to show grief, but not to let them think you were preparing for it way in advance.

The wake is over now.
I used the rosary.
No flowers.
All black.
Thanks for the advice Dave and Uco.

Thank you for the feedback. Have a good night.