Confusing situation with a Japanese guy

There is a Japanese guy in my country that I dated more than a month ago.
I wasn't quite certain of my feelings toward him during the date. I liked him and wanted to give it a chance and see if we are good for each other. One date wasn't enough for me. I need more time to get to know him better.

10 days after the date, I confessed to him (online) that I liked him and his answer was: ''Thanks, but, sorry, you are not my type''
My reply to him was ''It�fs okay, never mind. I hope you find the perfect girl for you. Since I'm not your type, I would kindly ask you to cease contact with me.''

He didn't cease contact with me though.

We chatted again couple of days ago (after almost a month of silence) I was the one who initiated the conversations. Nothing clingy though. I didn't mention to him about seeing each other again. After all, I don�ft want to make it awkward for him.
The situation is complicated by the way. He came to my country recently and he has been working here for only several months. He is still young and new in the workplace. I understand that, no problem. However that's not all. His boss happened to be an old Japanese acquaintance I had in my university. She was in my university for one semester to practice her language skills.

Fast-forward; several years later, as I was browsing the web, I met him randomly in a language exchange website. I saw that he lives in my country and I sent him a message. I mentioned to him about my Japanese acquaintance and he told me that she is his boss.

I have been chatting with him online for 2 weeks and then we finally met personally. I showed him around my city and some popular tourist places, then we sat down, had a drink and that�fs it.

He asked me several times not to tell anyone of his acquaintances about him. (Meanwhile, I befriended some guy from his friend list, who happened to be his co-worker. I didn�ft know he was his co-worker, until he pointed it out to me)
He told me especially, not to say anything about him to his boss (the Japanese lady)
I told him not to worry and that I will not say anything. I kept my word and didn�ft mention anything about him to these people.

By the way, he is 23 years old, while I�fm 26.

Thank you for reading.

Any advices and opinions will be appreciated.

Dear Confused- I am also now a little confused. It seems you met a guy whose boss is an old friend from University days and you talked online to this guy and then went for one "date" to have a drink. You liked him but he said you are not his type. When he sees you know his boss he asks you not to tell anything about your "date". He also tells not to inform his co-worker about it either. Is this about right?
I think there is no question that he does not want his workplace people knowing he went for a drink with you and that you like him. His request is reasonable. Why would you tell his co-worker or boss anyway?
If your question is "should you continue trying to win him over" then the answer is "no". He is not interested. If the question is "should you tell the boss and co-worker?", the answer is obviously "no" also. I think you should look for relationship with someone else who thinks you are the right type. You will find him if you are open to it. Good luck.

If it was me, I would move on and forget about this guy.

I am significantly older than you and with age comes more life experiences with men. There are so many warning signs in your post that suggest you are only setting yourself up for disaster.

Focus on a guy who is truly into you!

Dear Confused- I am also now a little confused.

Another one (confused) here!

OP, what's the point of your post? It seems to me like a non-event from start to finish.

Dear Op

Seriously what are you confused about?Your post absolutely make no sense.

Thanks

I thought I was the only one confused!

I have no idea what you're asking, OP. I don't even know what the problem is!

It seems to me like he told you not to tell his boss or coworkers about you knowing/liking/going on a date with him, which sounds fine really because it's not their business.

I would forget about him and move on. Since you found out that he lived in your country, he must have thought it impolite if he didn't respond to your message at all. Also from the fact that you mentioned your Japanese acquaintance, he must have felt that you might do the same about him (mention him to your Japanese acquaintance), which he clearly does not want, so he meets you to ask you not to. That does not sound like he appreciates being associated with you as "oh, you dated once, huh?" and in the first place, he told you you were not his type. Period.

what's confusing about it?

you go out with a guy: he doesn't like you. he doesn't want to give people around him the impression he's going out with you.

simple as can be. considering how flat out bluntly he rejected you it seems pretty uncomfortable that you'd even keep talking to him afterwards. move on.

Thank you everyone for your replies.

hirosumi,

I think there is no question that he does not want his workplace people knowing he went for a drink with you and that you like him. His request is reasonable. Why would you tell his co-worker or boss anyway?

I agree. That's why I respected his wish and didn't mention anything.
The reason for my keeping my word wasn't because he rejected me, it was because I promised him not to tell these people about him.

If your question is "should you continue trying to win him over"

Exactly , that was my question. Thank you for your understanding.


katsura,

There are so many warning signs in your post that suggest you are only setting yourself up for disaster.

Would you please tell me what those warning signs are? Thanks.

Phoenixgoddess27,

It seems to me like he told you not to tell his boss or coworkers about you knowing/liking/going on a date with him, which sounds fine really because it's not their business.

Exactly.

AK and winterwolf,

Thank you for your answers.

Ok, everyone. He seemed easy going and happy to chat with me after we met on that language exchange website. He was the one who asked for my mobile phone number first. He was also the one who suggested we meet for the "date".
He lives in a different city from me, about an hour and a half with car distance. He took the time and trouble to come here just for me. I wasn't the one running after him.

By the way, his boss is significantly older than both of us, if that says anything.
He told me about not saying anything to his boss even while we were still chatting online.
Still, this didn't deter him from coming in my city to visit me.

After we sat down and had our drink, he was the one who insisted to pay. I didn't confront him at all, I respected his initiative.

What I wonder is if all these workplace obstacles are the reason for him saying "you are not my type" in a way or "knee-jerk" reaction to protect himself of eventual confrontation in the workplace? I mentioned to him about the workplace thing, by the way. I told him that i don't want to make it awkward for him and I respect his wishes.

All this is like an ancient riddle to me.

Thank you for reading.

Advises and opinions will be appreciated.

Thanks.

i cannot remember how often i said it, and i don`t say it to hurt anyone, but if a guy 20+ is into you, he will show you.
That guy dumped you once + he doesn`t want you involved with his workplace.
First thing my japanese wife taught me here is "japanese man don`t talk about wives/gfs in public" which includes working places as well.
And involving yourself with his colleague is never smart, even if you didn`t know, you mentioned he was on his friendlist ...
You are young, rather search for something real than trying to make something painful work

Rintaru83,

First thing my japanese wife taught me here is "japanese man don`t talk about wives/gfs in public" which includes working places as well.

I respect this completely.

And involving yourself with his colleague is never smart, even if you didn`t know, you mentioned he was on his friendlist ...

Right. I didn't know and yes, he was on his friend list. Due to his privacy settings, I couldn't know whether he was his coworker or just a random guy he met. I don't possess the ability of a psychic unfortunately :)

Thank you for your answer.

About the thing my wife taught me, just saying that is not natural for me. I usually like to include my wife, just she said it is sometimes better not too.

And the problem is not really that that one guy is a co-worker, just ... most men feel cornered if you invade his privacy (which includes befriending people he knows without asking).
I don`t mean any harm, just ... i found it not productive to sugarcoat the truth .. sometimes you just gotta say what you gotta say^^

Rintaru83,

Thank you for your reply.

I told him about the guy I befriended and I apologized to him about it.
His reply was that he didn't mind me talking with him. He asked me not to tell him anything about him.

I felt bad about friending his coworker and I made up my mind and unfriended him.

Ok, everyone. He seemed easy going and happy to chat with me after we met on that language exchange website. He was the one who asked for my mobile phone number first. He was also the one who suggested we meet for the "date".
He lives in a different city from me, about an hour and a half with car distance. He took the time and trouble to come here just for me. I wasn't the one running after him.

By the way, his boss is significantly older than both of us, if that says anything.
He told me about not saying anything to his boss even while we were still chatting online.
Still, this didn't deter him from coming in my city to visit me.

After we sat down and had our drink, he was the one who insisted to pay. I didn't confront him at all, I respected his initiative.

What I wonder is if all these workplace obstacles are the reason for him saying "you are not my type" in a way or "knee-jerk" reaction to protect himself of eventual confrontation in the workplace? I mentioned to him about the workplace thing, by the way. I told him that i don't want to make it awkward for him and I respect his wishes.

Just to add that when he asked for my mobile phone number, he forwarded it to his boss. Thanks to this, I resumed contact with her and we were able to talk with each other again, after not being in touch for almost 3 years.

Anyway, that's besides the point.
What I wonder is whether he is "testing" me to see what kind of person I am in certain situations, what my reactions are, etc.

I'm not in love with him, by the way. Sorry, I don't believe in "love at first sight" (no offence to anyone who believes in such things).
I was just happy to meet with a Japanese guy in real life. This was the first time I went on a date with a Japanese guy.
I wanted to give it a chance see if we are good for each other. That's it. I wasn't clingy and emotional with him at all during the date.

Thank you for reading.

Dear OP-

I honestly think that you are over-thinking this situation. I seriously doubt that a guy who you went out on one date with is trying to "test" you in any way.

It's not as complicated of an issue as you're making it out to be here... if he had romantic interest in you, then he'd find a way to let you know.

I also think it is strange that he seems so concerned about his boss or coworkers not knowing anything about his relationship with you. It's true that it's none of their business, but at the same.. it's none of their business! If you get my point, I'm trying to say that if he liked you, he shouldn't care about his boss or coworkers potentially finding out that he knows you.

From your description of this guy, he sounds like a jerk. Find someone who is genuinely interested in you and wouldn't care what their peers thought.

I'm a man, and as for myself, regarding this situation I wouldn't care what anyone else thought, and wouldn't let something silly like the fact that my boss or coworkers knew the girl, get in the way of initiating a relationship with said girl.

screw him you could do alot better than that punk ass bitch!!!!

Thank you everyone for your replies!

It's all clear to me, I'm not "confused" about this guy anymore! He clearly isn't interested in me at all, even as "friends".

Last week, we talked online (I wrote him first) asking him to specify why I wasn't his "type". Mind you, I didn't ask him this question in attempts to "beg" him to be with me or anything of the sort. I was just curious as to why he so flat out bluntly rejected me without even giving me a chance to be friends.

I told him that my telling him that I "liked" him was because I wanted to see him again, it wasn't meant to be implied that I'm pushing him to be my boyfriend or something.
His reply was "Sorry, but, no. We are completely different. I don't like talking about science on a friday night. I didn't enjoy you at all. I didn't care about any of your conversations, actually. I would rather be with a not so nice girl, but one who is fun to be with."

I then confronted him and asked him if he just wanted to sleep with me then. His reply was that he doesn't want to have sex with me at all, and that if I thought that all guys do is just look for sex, that not all guys are this way and that his intention to see me wasn't romantic at all as we "agreed" previously (online).

I did mention to him online (before we met personally), that I don't want anything physical on a first date. I didn't say this to mean that I rejected him though. I just wanted to see him and get to know him first, that's it.
I thought that he either misunderstood what I said and thought that I rejected him before we have actually met or there was simply no chemistry once we met personally, period.

Anyway, I unfriended/deleted him from my friend's list, even blocked him, so I'm no longer able to interact with him. Much better this way, IMO. After all, there is plenty of fish in the sea!

Thank you all again, for your thoughtful and useful responses!