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I tried to reply to your question any number of times. But, when your situation was considered, I hesitated.
Although I wanted to encourage you, I worried that it might make further bad situation on the contrary.
On the other hand, your questions have very heavy meaning for me.
Before I reply to your question, I have to solve one inconsistency.
It is about your words. : "Not because "WE ARE JAPANESE" thing, but simply as an individual human being.".
I'm an old type's Japanese of the middle age. Therefore it is impossible for me to tell you something without my attributes, But, at the same time, I'm sure that there is not the Japanese who has a name of "Japanese".
I'm going to respond your questions while harmonizing these two. Maybe you differ about some of views. Is it Okay to do so?
Your first question ; "Is it normal?"
I think that it is a relative matter rather than a normal thing.
I have kept deep respect and affection for my wife. Holding the family purse strings is my wife, in the same as other family. But, I also have not wore a wedding ring on my finger for the past about 30 years. It is because of "Kohazukashisa"(blushing very much to do so).,.......
Even if I am asked that reason,....ummmmm.....I confess I don't know very well why.
Probably, I guess that many(not most) of Japanese males will be feeling the same. But it isn't necessarily meaning the Japanese are shy.
I would use your disagreeable words here, ("we are japanese").
Japanese were fundamentally the cultivation's people(include "bushi=samurai"). The cultivation had needed many people's labor and cooperation, and it was the world an independent action is not allowed. The individual action was considered as the act which destroys society.
We live in the modern world. But, We have inherited certainly some of those genes. They suggest our strength and weakness. (Personally, I think we need to bear it in a corner of our mind, for future of the world and for ourselves.)
Of course, Although this is not the only reason to don't wear the wedding ring on,...
The second question : "What if their feelings fade do they have to keep their silence so as not to hurt others rather than to free themselves?"
I think you should never consider such a thing. There is half of the life for your own happiness, and is half for the happiness of others.
I handed my wife a divorce paper immediately after getting married. It is because we lived in faraway places, and were too green, till then. If she is disgusted with me, she will submit it to a public office even now. I'm going to accept it, because I wish her true happiness. Probably. large tears coursed will down quietly my cheek in the dark, though I never weep in front of everybody.
Although I have never said directly "I love you", I used to heap all sorts of letters. (Even they were not written the word of "ai","koi",and "love"). Supposing I said it. I shall be feeling like dieing. This is never a joke.
So, I may understand some of his feeling. But,....
Why did he have the past letter until now? Why doesn't he face the reality of your pain? Why?
Supposing he is my longtime intimate friend and he is in the face of me, maybe I "haritaosu"(please don't translate) him.
I hope from bottom of the heart that everything goes well. for you.
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