Living together: who pays?

So,

I'm looking at apartments and realized it could eventually become a good idea to ask my gf to move in with me.

It's a possibility for us both as currently she works outside of Tokyo but will look to move back here in the next two months after her contract expires. As for me, well I don't like where I live, hence, looking for a new apartment.

I could probably afford an apartment by myself without her (budget 150,000-250,000) but then on top of that I've obviously got bills and food etc and could become quite expensive. She also has a good salary and it isn't like she can't afford her own place herself either.

Would it be generally ok to ask her to pay half? Or mention it at least? Or maybe I can pay the rent and she pays for bills and food etc? In my country, couples moving in vary the costs. I guess it depends how much each other earn roughly, but it's quite common for people to pay half...but on the other hand some men do pay for everything.

Obviously, this is Japan so I'd like to know the general acceptance/rule to this. She's Japanese obviously and I'm European and probably ready to move in together.

Hmm, this question may belong to the "Love and Relationships" section. If two people are intimate enough to live together, they need not ask questions like these here. Moreover, she's not exactly "the general" Japanese if she's rich and dating another rich European ;)

But seriously, why not just pop the same question to her? Saying that it's common in your country but may not be in hers is a good way of approaching the situation.

That aside, I think a lot of couples here in Japan keep 3 bank accounts. One for him, one for her and one for the house. They will each contribute some of their monthly income to the "house" bank account, and from that account pay all the expenses concerning the house such as the rent, electricity and water bills. The amount of the income each contributes may depend on each person's income and may also change from time to time.

You can also let one of you pay for food, but that's not realistic unless it's always the same person who cooks for both people. A lot of couples draw out a certain amount each months, and roughly manage for home-making expenses other than the regular bills.

Meanwhile, you may need a lot of money when moving in to a new place, such as for furniture and your house atama-kin or shiki-kin/rei-kin. The person with more income may pay for certain things while the other may pay for other things.

It really depends, but that's just an example. And of course, there also is the "a man must bring home the bacon" tradition in Japan as well, so take it easy.

Until I cut back my working hours because I was pregnant, I paid half of our rent and my (Japanese) husband paid half. I think that's pretty normal here, especially before marriage.

If one of you earns significantly more than the other, then you can split it accordingly!

There's no set rule.
One couple I know has the guy pay for the rent and the girl for all the bills and general household crap, but he earns a fair bit more than her.
Several others equally split everything as if they were just platonic housemates.
Relative income to each other is the key, each side has to pull their weight to whatever extent they can afford however.

Thanks for the responses.

As it turns out, we were discussing and looking at apartments and she actually said something like 'this ones good, and it's only **** each'. So yea, she seems to be happy to split the bill for the rent.

She's taken the helm on this one now actually a little bit. I was a surprised when searching for apartments on Japanese speaking websites; they are much cheaper than when searching on English speaking websites. The Japanese really do get a good deal compared to potential foreigners.

Just thought I'd mention that point above for any would be searchers. You can usually find something much much better with more bang for your book than the English sites. The upfront fees can be quite high but it's worth it for what the budget can actually get you in terms of quality instead.

Justin,

Off the topic, but since you've mentioned it...
It is not just about "Japanese language listing" and "English language listing," by the way...

With local apartment listing, the apartments come completely unfurnished, utilities are almost never included, the rent agreements come in two years' term, a guarantor is needed, a deposit (of at least two months) is needed, key money (usually two months rent) is needed, etc. After two years, a renewal fee is charged, and you need to get the official document from your guarantor again.

With English-language listing, meaning those that cater to non-local residents (non long-term residents, in the view of estate agents), often the apartments come at least halfway furnished, sometimes utilities are included in the rent, the rent agreement can be in any length you want from a few months to a year or two. Often a guarantor might not be needed (or your school or employer name might be given as reference). And of course the landlords are those who are accustomed to (or willing to) deal with non-Japanese speaking residents.

So please note that it's not that due to what language the listing is. You are talking about completely different terms and conditions to both the property and the agreement.

In any case, good that things seem to be working out great between the two of you! :)