What would you give?

A Japanese visiting scholar has come to our university in California to study for approximately one year. (I am a grad student working in the lab that he will also work.)

He and his wife are a young couple with two small children. Is it appropriate to give them a "welcome" gift even if I am not going to visit their home? If so, what is a suitable gift for up to $40 US? Thank you for recommending a gift!

Eliot,

Is that commonly done in your lab or your hometown? If so, why not? And being it common will be a good reason for you to do so, and you can tell that to the recipient so that (s)he will know what it's all about.

If it's not common, why do you want to do it? That's the whole point.

You ask a very good question, and your reasoning is insightful.

This visiting scholar is the first one in our lab in at least 8 years, so I cannot say it is common to give a gift because visiting scholars are uncommon. However, I recognize that moving with children to another continent is a challenge, and they probably left behind many items that were too bulky to carry.

The transition must be difficult, so I hoped to ease their discomfort with either some food or some items to help the children cope with the stress of relocating. The little boy is 4 years old, and the little girl is two years old.

Since I have no children and do not understand Japanese culture, I am clueless about what to give the children or the parents. This is perhaps an area in which you might know some very important cultural insights. Thank you!

Does your lab invite the scholar or the scholar wanted to study in your lab?

It's typical aspect to have a welcome party or dinner with lab members somewhere at restaurant, common room in your institute, or even at a student hall. I don't think it's necessary to send a gift worth 40 dollars to a scholar comes to your lab. Just advice to the scholar and his family the place they can buy things in your town or web site they can find place to live. If you want to send something, a box of chocolate with a card is fine.

I generally agree with tokyo friend 48.

In Japanese standards, USD 40 would be a bit of a burden on the receiptant unless you have a good reason such as that being a custom of your hometown.

On the other hand, if it were in Japan, co-workers would organize a welcome party and it wouldn't be so unnatural for the whole group of workers to give one item worth about USD 5 per each worker.

But if you're the only close worker/scholar working with him, it's also not unnatural for you to give him perhaps a gift worth USD 10 tops. Or if there are other working equally with him, but only you want to give him something, make it less than USD 5. It's not the price that counts, but the gesture.

Food is always a great treat for families and children. Especially children would love sweats. Whoever gives them sweats is someone thoughtful, they'd think ;) And if kids are happy, the parents are.

But nowadays, many children have food allergy, or many parents prefer to avoid too much sugar for their children. Meanwhile, organic sweats are different depending on each country. If you know a good organic shop, you might want to ask the clerk for recommendations.

Sweats can be very unique, though. Many Japanese aren't used to things such as liquorice, so while chosing something very American, you'd want to throw in things like very standard and universal cookies. Just say, "I hope your kids aren't allergic." as you give them. That'll do.

But gosh, you remind me of my dad's young colleague who gave me a half-eaten chocolate bar when I was just starting to live in L.A. as a kid. I'm sure you'd choose something prettier than that, but it's still a great fun memory between me and my mom. He was such a good guy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! Uco and Tokyo friend 48 have provided some wonderful suggestions. You are exactly correct that I am the only other person working with him, so the $10 limit is very good to know. The idea of candy for the kids is great, and your idea is just in time for Halloween candies. (I hope that "Halloween" themes do not offend him since I do not know his faith.)

The caution about food allergies is greatly appreciated, and I would not have thought to mention it! You have been very kind to respond, and your responses indicate your great wisdom!

I am a native Japanse, and, a long time ago, was an exchange scholor in UC, with my wife and two children, 3 and 1 yrs old.
You don't need to use your money to help them.
First, you should go to airport to pick up them, They need a hotel room to rest a while, because they have 2 kids. Generally,
kids only eat food which they have eaten. you may buy hambergers and orange juice, or something like that.
I am sure that he can understand written English, but listening and speaking English are poor. He need your help to find apartment to live, and open bank account, sometime to take driver lisence. take him to school office for paperwork, and help to have social security number,if necessary.
It is not necessary to give him a special gift using money. All of your help are great gifts for his family. He might need your help to buy food for everyday living. Since they have kids, japanse food is necessary.
After their living become steady, you may plan to open a party. Lab party with pizza will be fine. In a sunny day, to go to picnic will be better for kids.
When they leave US, you may give some gift for memory,
I advise the Japanse visitor to buy T-shirts or something which have a design of University Ornament,Mark. for souvenirs of the Japanese Lab members. Bring back gigantic pine cone for memory. It's a huge size, never seen in Japan.
GOOD LUCK.

As far as Halloween is concerned, it's getting popular in Japan and the Japanese generally enjoy the idea (although trick-or-treating is rarely done). In fact, faith has very little to do with it.

Back in the late 60s when noone in Japan knew about Halloween, my father sent me a Unicef children's book from L.A. to me in Japan, explaining the custom and its history. My mother translated as she read it to me at my bedside.

I agree that you don't have to spend money, and that taking care of them would be better, however, if you happen to find a small token of welcome I don't think it's a bad idea to present it.

Thank you very, very much to everyone for your excellent advice. Each of you has given an excellent suggestion, and I am following your advice now to make the Scholar's adjustment as easy as possible.

Your advice about caring for the children is also important because his 2 yr. old daughter is having trouble sleeping.