Behaviour questions

Hi
I have some questions about japan society/behaviour expectations.

I learned there is a balance in give and recieve between people (giri), like when offering someone a gift a gift must be returned, etc. And the way tip is avoided to avoid unbalance in the giri.

Some "situations" occured to me in Japan. Where I live (Sweden) many people hold the door to the next person, not slamming it into their face. I heard this is not common in Japan, not sure why but it happened I once held a door for a girl at hotel entrance. Would this put me in a kind of giri situation? Like she feeling obliged to return the favour? Like if I had tipped her as a waitress? Or perhaps I just embarassed her?

Then another situation, yet a hotel. As my lugguage is rather bulky and heavy at the trip last days (15-20 kg) I feel embarassed leaving it for the female staff at Toyoko Inn hotels to carry out of the lugguage storage room (they look quite tired to me) so I often try to help or say it is alright. Also asking "daijobu?" several times.

Would this put me in yet another giri situation? Or maybe just embarassing her or maybe I make a relief?

Also my (bad) habit of asking people in certain situations where they seem distressed (like someone nearly losing balance in a subway that breaks suddenly) "daijoubu?", would this be bad considering they are in fact strangers. I work in health care so I cant help looking out for people, still I am a bit worried I embarass people while in Japan.

As I know shame is a seroius thing I would want to avoid putting ay burden on people around.


A final question.
I am about to write a letter to a hotel in Japan without email, asking for answer that way hoping for a reply by regular mail. I would like to prepay postage or send some coins for them to pay return postage.

Would this be considered inappropriate? Could it give the wrong idea to the staff, like tipping or would the coins be of use?

I try to avoid creating embarassment or another giri situation. Still I would like to return the favor of mail reply.

You are reading too much into things - "giri" and those "courtesy" things are completely separate.

Where I live (Sweden) many people hold the door to the next person, not slamming it into their face. I heard this is not common in Japan, not sure why but it happened I once held a door for a girl at hotel entrance. Would this put me in a kind of giri situation?

No. She will just think you are a kind gentleman from the West.

I feel embarassed leaving it for the female staff at Toyoko Inn hotels to carry out of the lugguage storage room (they look quite tired to me)
That is their job - but probably you would help cabin crew with heavy luggage on flights, right? They say thank you, and that's about it. That's the same thing. So, no, no "giri" situation.

Being caring to strangers is a good thing, so if they are apparently distressed, asking "daijoubu?" or "daijoubu desu ka" (polite speech for strangers) is fine.

I am about to write a letter to a hotel in Japan without email, asking for answer that way hoping for a reply by regular mail.

It there any way you can do this by fax?

I don't think you should be sending coins through the mail. Also, when you say postage, do you have any Japanese stamps handy?

If you really need to do this via snail mail, please see if International Reply Coupon is available between your country and Japan.

Also, would you be able to write it in Japanese? I don't know what kind of a hotel you are talking about, but would they know to type up the letter, in Japanese, or in English, or what?

I think you are confused with "giri" situations.

A giri situation is something you are not really want to do but force to that.
(eg1, you are giving a small present or gift to your neighbor, workmates, or classmates etc that you are not really want to do, for keeping good relationship with them)
(eg2, you do an extra work for your workmates which you are not supposed to do to keep good relationship and work environment balance in your office)
(eg3, you bought something from your friends which you are not really want to do or don't even use it to keep good relationship with them)

I think this is a typical aspect you would probably see in your country some way.

Holding a door open is not a "giri" situation. It's a commonsense to do that.
I normally hold a door to open while the others are coming or going, and they say "Thank you".

A hotel staff who carries a heavy luggage is not a "giri" situation. This is a staff's duty to do that.

No need to send reply coupons or money to hotel. This is also not a "giri" situation. This is a business situation.

Also my (bad) habit of asking people in certain situations where they seem distressed (like someone nearly losing balance in a subway that breaks suddenly) "daijoubu?", would this be bad considering they are in fact strangers. I work in health care so I cant help looking out for people, still I am a bit worried I embarass people while in Japan.

If you are talking about some standing passenger staggerring a bit because the train decelerated rapidly (but not to the extent of an emergency stop), yes, asking "daijoubu?" would fall into the weird foreigner category. If someone fell, or was otherwise similarly impacted, asking "daijobu desu ka", would not be unusual.

Thank you for your replies about the "giri" and so on. I will not think so much about that from now on in that matter.

I was trying to find out a contact way on reserving a hotel. That's why I want to mail them. The hotel (Tosho Kaikan) only offers online reserve for certain residents, then you are forced to do reservation by phone, which would be a hassle, trying to get dates and so correct.

I am writing in Japanese partly using a translator for the hard sentences. So far I have only seen a street address, no fax. Though, I have no fax here, unless you can fax through mail somehow of course.

Tosho Kaikan accept visitors outside islands with different accommodation charges. I think you can still make reservation online.

You can send me a direct message the reservation message written in Japanese. Then I can check the grammar for you.

Thank you Tokyo friend 48
I am not making a reservation until possibly mext november. So no rush, I just wanted to find an e mail. The mail is rather long but I can pm to you (I got an account) if you wish.

But if you think it is possible to use the online form, but it says for island residents so I dared not to use it in case my reservation would not be attended.

I think you're fine overall. Just having such a conscientious attitude will ensure that you'll never be looked at too poorly. Your post is support for the theory that Sweden and Japan are rather similar socially.

If I had to comment, though, I'd say I agree with the above 'guest' about the train. If someone was just stumbling a bit from fairly normal train operation it would be better to not say anything. They're riding the train as best they can and mostly succeeding, it's best to leave them to it. If they've actually fallen over or dropped their belongings, it's more than appropriate to help of course.

As for the hotel porters, I think it's fine to offer to carry your own luggage, but I think you might embarrass them if you ask too many "daijoubu?'s". To me it sounds like you could be calling their ability to do their job into question.

As I said, though, I think you're basically fine. Don't let such things worry you too much, make sure you have a good time. :)

Harimogura,
Must be the reason why I feel so relaxed and "home" in Japan :)

I understand it sounds like I doubt the ability of the staff if asking. Only reason is I know it is heavy (compared to the small suitcases of th businessmen) amd they look rather tired trying to haul it out of the storage room. I dont want to be a burden so I often feel awkward if someone helps me too much (even if its their job (!)). Again abad habit...

"giri" is not for such frivolous things you are concerned with. The word is not used commonly on everyday occasions but more in owing life to someone, committing a crime for someone, etc. that belong more in Yakuza, mafia society.
Watch some yakuza movies and you will understand.