Yes, of course the "customer first" mentality IS definitely here, I mean I believe it is stronger here than in the UK or continental Europe (to the extent I know). What I'm wondering is in your particular unfortunate case, if you've done your part as well, meaning, to convey well enough to the vet what he should do in view of the nature/trauma of the cat. I assume you have noticed that if a Japanese & a non-Japanese come, they tend to listen to the local (which we experience as a couple a LOT, believe me).
My sense is that probably your boyfriend said OK to the attempt with a net, who knows. that is why I mentioned at the end of my last post that you should come up with good tactics beforehand :)
Your words are that it was the vet's goofiness, but maybe the net approach worked with every cat he knew before. (The only thing he was stupid about (clearly) was not asking you what he planned to do, and ask you if that is OK.) And I am sorry to say but shouting and crying upsets everyone. So if you thought he was goofy, maybe he thought you were hysterical.
So I don't think it was a matter of putting "kindness" above anything, but it was matter of being matter-of-fact in the face of professional (though goofy) personnel who was doing what he knew. Maybe it was a lousy vet, I can't tell and I (or you) won't ever know, but shouting, crying, then saying thank you and just trying to leave without waiting to listen to the vet, no matter even if it was calm attitude, does not sound right, I feel. And to make it a calm exit, I feel that you should have paid for his attempt, quietly, without confrontation, and left it at that.
He did his best, to no avail and to everyone's (particularly the cat's) upset, which I feel sorry for, but you added to the discomfort too (by shouting and crying), so it's both ways, in a way; pay your dues, and leave quietly. No room for "kindness vs. confrontation" to come in.
I guess... I agree with your boyfriend you probably shouldn't have cried there, but the "not being considerate of vet's feelings" I don't agree with :) Maybe he didn't know how to express it better.
My European husband, who has spent many years in Japan, by the way, said that the vet should have told YOU (before he went with the net) what he proposed to do with your cat, and asked if it was OK, dumb vet. But a quiet exit, meaning paying, would have been better.
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