Dining Customs

Hi,
1)When eating in Japan (or with Japanese people) is there ever a time or setting when it will be inappropriate to say いただきます(itadakimasu)and ごちそうさまでした(gochisousama deshita)? For example, when eating with friends or especially if the food is a pre-prepared meal or looks unappealing.

2)Can one be said without the other?

3)Is there an age in which these notions generally fade away or are left out of dialogue?

Thank you so much in advance for answers.

Speaking as a foreigner, it totally depends on the people. Some people say it before/after every meal like clockwork, and others I've never heard say it.

It will never be rude for you to say it no matter the situation, so if you want to play it safe, say it. Or, take your cues from your friends/the people you're eating with. If someone says it, go ahead; if not, skip it and that's fine.

At enkai or with friends, I've never said it/heard it said. The kids at school say it in concert before and after their meals. There's even a song with it in Elementary school!

1)When eating in Japan (or with Japanese people) is there ever a time or setting when it will be inappropriate to say いただきます(itadakimasu)and ごちそうさまでした(gochisousama deshita)? For example, when eating with friends or especially if the food is a pre-prepared meal or looks unappealing.

No, not unless you're not eating at all.

"Itadakimasu" literally means "I am going to have this now," so even if you're just taking one bite, you are expected to say it. "Gochisousama" literally means "I have tasted (the honorable) food," so no matter how aweful it was, as long as you're finished eating you are expected to say it.

These words are basically aimed towards the chef, but also to mother nature who brought you the feast. It has nothing to do with how good or bad it was. You can even say "gochisousama" and leave the table when you want to show you're so unhappy you want to leave.

2)Can one be said without the other?

That's like asking if you can say hello and not say goodbye, or say goodbye when you forgot to say hello. The answer is "Yes, you can, but you're expected to say both, but then, people often get away without saying any of these and get right to the topic."

3)Is there an age in which these notions generally fade away or are left out of dialogue?

No. But children are often strictly educated to say these words so that it would become a habit, while you don't usually go up to an adult and say, "Aren't you going to say thank you to God, hmm?"

Itadakimasu and Gochisousamadeshita have 4 meanings.
1. Let's start / finish eating.
2. Thank you who give me this meal.
3. Thank you who cook this meal.
4. Thanks to all ingredients (fish, meat, vegetables, etc) . I will take over your life.
Even when I don't say these words, I always say them in my mind.