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First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 03:31
Hi All,

I met this Japanese girl online sometime last year and we have been talking until now. I am going to Japan in December and we have decided to meet up for the first time.. At disneysea... What is the dating etiquette over there.

Over here, to show a guy's sincerity, he usually pays for everything. What about over there?

Also, as per Japanese custom of exchanging gifts, I will be bringing a small gift from my country to pass to her when we meet.

So some "basic" questions:

- Who pays for the entrance fees
- Who pays for meals
- Can I hold her hand?
- Do I have to send her back to her station?
by Matt (guest)  

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 14:13
A few years ago, I had a discussion with a group of people including a British, Americans and Japanese, and it seemed that the payment etiquette is quite debatable.

Talking with fellow Japanese women, it also seems to depend on the person. Some women say that a guy has to pay, while others say that it's offensive for a guy to pay when women have equal rights and sometimes even earn more.

So long story short, why not just tell her that where you come from it's the custom for men to pay, and offer to pay. Otherwise, perhaps you can split some things while offering to pay some drinks or meals.

Can I hold her hand?

I wonder where you come from anyway. Don't you think that's too much on a first date, moreover a first meeting, unless it just happens naturally? But at the same time, I think that a guy who is natural about holding hands on first dates don't have to ask that question.

Do I have to send her back to her station?

To the nearest station to her home? It depends on how far that is and how much time and money you have. Most people live like 2 hours away from Disney Sea, some paying express fees to go home. In that case, it's more common for you to walk her to wherever the mutual spot is for you two, and then perhaps text her to make sure she gets home safely.
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 14:22
The fact that it didn't seem to occur to you that all those things could be settled by discussing them together makes it seem to me that this relationship is not starting well.
by Firas rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 14:51
Firas, are you sure you're on the right thread?
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 16:50
What relationship? You haven't even met yet. Are you sure this is a date?
by yllwsmrf rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 18:50
if you pay everything and you touch her hand, it means you buy the right to touch her hand by money.

if she is sophisticated and you pay the entrance fees, she will buy your lunch. then you may buy dinner.
by ken (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/6 19:02
Since you say you are meeting in person for the first time, I don't know if it's going to be really a "date" in the romantic sense anyway (and noone knows), but MAYBE she arranges for the entrance tickets beforehand, then MAYBE you can pay for the meals, etc.

As for holding hands, that sounds a bit fast, unless things "naturally" develop that way, and about sending/accompanying her to her station, be sure to look up the train line from her address so that you can get back to your hotel without any problem (again this will be a matter of how things flow on that day).
by AK rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/8 02:24
Well, I'm Asian too(south east). And from my part of asia, when a guy is interested in a girl, he at least pays for something/everything.

However, going dutch here also correct.

So Japan being asia, is there much difference in "dating culture" or whatever you call it?

Sending her back is not mandatory. But over here, girls like that gesture. How do Japanese find that gesture?

Lastly, holding hands here even on first dates is "normal" if its "natural". Is it the same there? I mean, we are messaging daily and all. So yeah.

by Matt (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/8 04:36
Do you only e-mail or do you use Skype?

The problem with meeting when one hasn't seen the person is that you might both like one another , or one of you will have second though...so take it easy.. Even if you see one another on Skype..it is only a face..

Several times the other person or I got uneasy the very second we saw one another on a first date, so we went our separate ways at once...

Then there was the time when a person and I that had cut short a first meeting, literally bumped into one another many months later ..and laughed at that terribly embarrassing first time;

We went in nearby cafe and talked for a long time...we didn't fall in love but are still friends..
by Red frog (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/8 12:21
So Japan being asia, is there much difference in "dating culture" or whatever you call it?

Of course there is! The "dating culture" differs greatly depending on the average cost of things, the geometry, the custom in general, so it will differ not only depending on the country but also depending on the person and situation. And how many countries are there in Asia?
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: First Date Etiquette (Male meeting Female) 2015/7/10 04:05
Need more info OP,

Do you two consider yourself somewhat dating already (I know you haven't met IRL yet)? It's not uncommon for people who haven't met IRL, but who talk daily online, to basically consider themselves "in a relationship" with the other person.

To answer your questions, you first need to answer that question. If you both consider yourselves to be basically "dating online" already, then I would imagine that things would move faster than normal on the first date as long as neither of you end up really uncomfortable or feeling awkward because of the first meeting. In this situation, holding hands seems a given to me.

If however, you are not "dating online", and this is just a "friend" who you talk to often, then you may need to determine whether this is seriously a date at all, or just meeting your "internet friend".

So, either confirm all this with the girl, or post more info here about the nature of your relationship. Do you guys say "I love you" to each other? Do you talk face to face on Skype, or on the phone, or just text? Does the girl realize your feelings and is she clear that you are meeting for the purpose of dating, or does she think she's meeting a friend? Better make sure your on the same page with the girl.
by Heh (guest) rate this post as useful

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