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Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/11 13:33
How am I supposed to determine who is "close" enough to us to give them an omiyage? This is in regards to my children's school friends/classmates. Is there an unspoken "rule" about how to make that decision? Also, what if my child likes a certain friend, but I am not all that close to the mom? Or vice versa. Like if maybe I occasionally talk to the mom/they help me out with questions I might have, but my child is not all that close to their kid?

Or am I supposed to just simply give one box full of omiyage to the whole class? (Not everyone knows we are going on a trip.)

If I am supposed to give to the whole class, am I supposed to give to the other class(es) too (i.e., same age group but different teacher)? If not, what if just a couple of friends are in the other class this year (not the same class as my child), how to handle that?

One child is in yochien (two classes/teachers) and the other is in elementary (4 classes/teachers).

I also plan to already give a number of omiyages to some of my child's very good school friends' families (we are good friends with the moms and their children and often have playdates). Is it better to give a prepackaged "gift box" type of gift or is it okay to just collect smaller bits of snacks here and there and put it in a nice bag to give to them? Or is either way equally appropriate?

Do other Japanese mothers have a hard time figuring out omiyage etiquette or is this aspect of Japanese culture so commonly done that they don't really stress out over it?
by menj (guest)  

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/11 18:00
I normally give Omiyage to my very close friends(Japanese native).
I won't give Omiyage to whole class.
by tokyo friend 48 rate this post as useful

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/12 10:53
I'm not a mum but I'm a teacher, and from what I can observe most students give omiyage only to their close friends and teachers, not the whole class. If your child does club activities then they might want to bring omiyage for everyone in the club, but not everyone does this if they can't afford it.
by Jenn Jett (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/12 11:36
Okay, thanks. So I will just plan to get for close friends. Now regarding giving to the school staff, do I have to get for the entire school staff? For the kindergarten, I suppose I can get some food omiyage with 20 pieces of e.g., individually packaged cookies, but for the elementary school, I only really am in contact with the principal, vice-principal, secretary, and my child's teacher. Do I need to give to all the rest of the staff too?
by menj (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/12 12:17
Like if maybe I occasionally talk to the mom/they help me out with questions I might have, but my child is not all that close to their kid?

If someone regularly helps you out, then I think yes you should give them omiyage.
by Firas rate this post as useful

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/12 21:38
For the elementary school, I found out there might be 10-15 staff members plus about 30 teachers, so am I obligated to give to the entire 40-45 (!!!) staff members (like getting a huge box of maybe about 50 individually wrapped treats to put in the teachers' room)? I'm guessing there's no other way to do so without offending anyone if I just give to the ones I mentioned in my last post?

Regarding the mothers who might occasionally help me out, I already have the mothers who DO help me out on a regular basis on my omiyage list, but I was asking more about the moms who are more, for lack of better words, kind of borderline. Hard to explain the dynamics, but although, yes, they are helping to explain things to me every now and then, it's not like it's *really* out-of-their-way kind of helping me out. Just more simple things that they might not otherwise small talk with other Japanese mothers. And again, it's only occasionally, not all the time.

E.g., explaining to me what time the sankanbi was to start, pointing out to me which of the displayed photos to choose/order from included my child's class (so that I don't waste my time trying to look through all of the many photos), clarifying how to do the summer yochien "homework" (not very difficult to explain), etc.

If I do have to get something for these mothers, would it be acceptable to get an even smaller omiyage of less than 1000 yen (vs the recommended 1000 yen - 5000 yen) -- more like a mini token instead of a typical omiyage? Maybe like a small candy or trinket for their child? Or would that be undesirable omiyage etiquette?
by menj (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/13 03:33
No need to hand any Omiyage other than your very close friends.
I believe the most teachers won't accept Omiyage from their pupils/parents other than any particular reasons to accepts these days.

No need to worry about Omiyage so much.
It's nice to hand Omiyage to very close friends and family, some teachers who help you alot, but not all pupils and teachers necessary.
by tokyo friend 48 rate this post as useful

Re: Omiyage etiquette 2016/7/14 06:36
Augh, I can't help but worry now. So may I ask: Which mistake is worse in Japanese culture?

To not give and possibly offend/disappoint (and potentially cause hurt feelings in the relationship)?

or

To give and make the recipient feel obligated/indebted to you (if you weren't sure to give but ended up doing so)?

If giving, can the obligatory feeling be minimized by getting something on the cheap side (or will that be offensive in itself, by giving the impression that you don't think highly enough of the relationship)?
by menj (guest) rate this post as useful

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