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How do I refuse a gift? 2016/12/28 06:58
I have a pin pal in Japan and we have known each other for about 8 months. Christmas came around and I thought it would be a great idea to get him a gift. I gave him some homemade honey because my mother is a beekeeper and a small stone statue about the size of an apple. He ended up getting me a Sword art online book from reki kawahara, several rare Pokemon cards signed by the artist and his Great Grandfathers helmet from WW2. Those are amazing gifts way better than what I got for him. I feel really bad about it. There is no way I can accept his great grandfathers helmet. How could I give it back to him and tell him I cant accept it with out offending him?
by Muffin Man25  

Re: How do I refuse a gift? 2016/12/28 18:02
He must be relatively young if he had a great grandfather who wore a helmet in WW2.

Just tell him what you wrote here. You can even ask him if his parent, who is the child to the helmet owner, knows about this, or why he is giving you such precious gifts.

The point is to insist that he should keep the precious item rather than that you cannot accept it.
by Uco rate this post as useful

Re: How do I refuse a gift? 2016/12/28 21:58
Keep it, when you have an opportunity to tell him that it is too much to keep the helmet, if he accepts, return it then. When his brain cools down, he might want to return it(it often does).
The direct return gift as you have just acceted is very much rude.
by tokyo friend 48 rate this post as useful

Re: How do I refuse a gift? 2017/1/14 23:20
I understand how you feel about receiving such a gift, but I think you should receive it and he'll be pleased more if you do so. He just want you to be happy with those presents, and there's nothing wrong with its receipt. But even if you do, the following is the usual way or 'ceremony' of accepting the gift in Japan.

you can tell him that you can't received it as it's too valuable a thing. And if he still insisits, ( he does! ) you can say the same phrase again. And he'll still insist, then you can say, "Well, I don't think I should, but if you're sure it's all right, I receive it. Thanks a lot." This is how we usually exchange in the gift-giving situation.
by magicalpw (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How do I refuse a gift? 2017/1/17 12:03
Also in Japan, there's a gift-giving culture where if someone gives you a gift, you're expected to give them a better gift in return, and so forth. So he is probably just using Japanese gift manners. I think you should accept the gifts, except maybe ask him if he's sure about the WW2 helmet as that might be a family heirloom. If I were you, I'd keep the gifts and give him a big thank you, then next time an opportunity comes to send him a present, send him something equally as special as what he sent to you.
by Jenn Jett (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How do I refuse a gift? 2017/1/17 12:06
He must be relatively young if he had a great grandfather who wore a helmet in WW2.
Just tell him what you wrote here. You can even ask him if his parent, who is the child to the helmet owner, knows about this, or why he is giving you such precious gifts.

The point is to insist that he should keep the precious item rather than that you cannot accept it.


Yes I agree about the helmet. It sounds like an important family heirloom and the parents might not know that he sent it, so it's definitely not rude to query it. As for the signed Pokemon cards, they have less sentimental value, so if he wants to give them then I think it's fine to accept them.
by Jenn Jett (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: How do I refuse a gift? 2017/1/17 19:40
Also in Japan, there's a gift-giving culture where if someone gives you a gift, you're expected to give them a better gift in return

Just to set the records straight, according to Japanese conventional manners, the gift in return should be something of either an equivalent value or half the value of the original gift, at least in cases like these.
by Uco rate this post as useful

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