Tattoo translation

Hello guys :) I decided to do a tattoo with one of my most favorite quotes. "To you my heart I surrender". Some one who is learning helped me with a translation but he said thet he's not sure wether this translation is right or wrong. He sent me this "あなたに私の心を私は降伏させる". Thank you for your help :)

Looks okay, but it is less poetic and rather wordy for a tattoo; why not keep it in English?

It is meant to go down the spine thats why :) but thank you for the help :D

降伏 means "surrender" in the sense of "capitulate." So while it's used to talk about, say, admitting defeat, it doesn't mean "surrender" in the sense of "offer or entrust something to someone."

The double instances of 私 also sound really stiff and give off a very written-by-machine vibe.

I'm afraid I've never seen a phrase that would look as dumb as this on a spine. Try something that you can understand yourself. I don't mean to offend you, but you asked a question and I'm answering it as a native Japanese resident.

Also 降伏させる in this instance would mean "make you surrender," not "I surrender."

"To you my heart I surrender".

Commas, how do they work?

The translation is wrong when it comes to "surrender" part. And it is a failed attempt if it is meant to be poetic (or romantic if the "you" is a person).

Just like Uco, I do not understand why you would want something like this down your spine. But if you "must" have it down your spine, I would suggest just writing it down your spine in English flowing script, turned 90 degrees.

Hi again. Just to clarify, I think it would look great down your spine if it were in the original English phrase. I'm also sure you'll be able to choose an English font that looks better as a tattoo, whereas that would be another problem if it were in a language you don't understand, such as Japanese.

If you are set on using the Japanese language, then I would recommend using a Japanese idiom, or if you'd like something poetic, why not use a haiku by one of the masters, such as Basho, Buson, Issa or Shiki? A haiku being 17 syllables would fit nicely down your spine I should think. I lived in Japan for 30 years and studied Japanese haiku under a Japanese teacher, so I might be able to help if you decide to go down this path.