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Dear visitor, if you know the answer to this question, please post it. Thank you!

Note that this thread has not been updated in a long time, and its content might not be up-to-date anymore.

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Japanese men and sex talk 2006/1/18 11:57
I am currently involved in a language exchange with a Japanese man. He and I were friends before we started our language exchange, but we became closer friends afterward. I have always been attracted to him... we always make one another laugh, and I also find him quite physically attractive as well.

Lately, our conversation topics have switched to somewhat of a sexual nature. We have never spoken of having sex with one another; we only talk and joke about sexual topics in general. Although he doesn't reveal much about his own sex life, he is very interested in hearing about mine, and I have no problems sharing the details with him. I would also like to add that neither of us are single.

Lately I feel as if I have been getting a kind of "vibe" from him. I don't know if it's my imagination or not, but I think I am starting to notice that he maintains eye contact with me for just a few seconds longer than usual. I have also noticed a kind of "soft" look in his eyes and smile when he's around me. Again, though, it could just be my imagination making me see things I secretly want to see.

All the silly stuff about "vibes" aside, what do you guys think it means that he and I talk about sex on a pretty regular basis? Are Japanese men usually this frank about sexual topics? Would Japanese men talk about sexual topics with just any female friend?

I am very curious about this, and any comments or opinions would be great. Thanks!
by Angela  

sex 2006/1/18 20:40
you both are not single and he wants to hear about your sex life and you want to tell him and now you wonder why he suddenly seems more interested? Wake up. Stop talking about sex during your language exchange unless you want something to happen. If you didnt want something to happen you wouldnt be talking about sex at all to a student, friend or not.
by me rate this post as useful

... 2006/1/19 00:34
Talking about sex in general is one thing. Asking about _your_ personal sex life is another. No, it's not usual even for a Japanese man, unless you're getting drunk at a bar with lots of friends.
by Uco, married Japanese woman rate this post as useful

lol 2006/1/21 03:05

He was playing mind games with you and seeing if you're interested in having sex.

No attachements, since you already have a boyfriend, AND you admitted you are attracted to him. I'm sure he can see the way you look at him as well.

If I were you I'll just sleep with him and have some fun, since its obvious both of you want it.
by Rouge rate this post as useful

lol @ rouge 2006/1/21 03:15
LOL @ Rouge.. thats exactly what i wud do too! why bother denying the inevitable!?
by Gemma rate this post as useful

sex talks 2006/1/21 10:38
In any culture across the world we dont discuss explicit details on sex unless we desire that person in particular physically. general talks on sex today is common place. generally in most societies we dont even discuss sex in detail with our own spouses. so this sex talk with another member of the opposite sex becomes an outlet to be able to talk sex in way one never could. (and perhaps let his fantasies run amok!!) Also one other angle is that since perhaps you are both from different countries and would eventually go your different ways for the gentleman in question he could just have sex outside his wedlock without much worry of a sustained relationship which might otherwise ruin his marriage.
which ever way you chose i wish you well.
by the sailor rate this post as useful

Let's not say no more 2006/1/23 08:47
all the people commenting on the initial question r damn right. I totally agree with all that's been said. Don't wait that long, and complicate things. The only question to ask now is "Can I sleep with him while I have a boyfriend?" But if u start asking yourself that, there's a great chance ur relationship with ur guy is not that fine. there's a great chance indeed...Good luck
by Yossarian rate this post as useful

legit or not? 2006/1/23 11:02
I am a little suspicious about whether or not this is a legitimate query, but I am going to reply despite my reservations.

Angela, what you choose to do is your own business and certainly you do not need to receive permission from anonymous strangers on an online forum, yet surely you are aware that you are failing to maintain appropriate boundaries in your relationship with this man? If you were hoping to initiate something, you have obviously succeeded, but please spare us the innocent, oh-so-puzzled-whats-happening-here routine.
by Tilt rate this post as useful

OMG 2006/1/25 23:22
People are strange!

They sleep with other people while they have a boyfriend/girlfriend!

Damn, when you should start to use your brain and not do what you feel?

The brain is useful you know, the brain goes over feelings. If it's fair you do it but most time it isn't!

I follow what my head say's and not what i feel to do.
by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

plus 2006/1/25 23:33
i don't understand why you say you have a boy and are being a trator to him without caring about nothing! And you do is like is nothing special.

For me that's shame.

I am considered to be bad and when i can't find any jfriend they say it's good cause of my reactions. Anyway they're justified because it's more than 1 year i try.

But... what about you? Are you cruel? aren't you? Isn't it?

Who's more cruel, you or me?

Also just because my posts are making all react?

So i'd be pleased to get a reply from Angela.
by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

to i love sakura 2006/1/26 02:03
i'm also a bit hurted by the lightness that angela is talking about this affair with, but, at a second thought, the fact that she's not asking in a forum how to work out her moral matters doesn't necessarily mean that she hasn't thought about it at all...

at the end, this is a forum about japan-related questions, so it wouldn't make sense to ask if it's right or not to be unfaithful, while it makes sense to ask what to get from an intercultural conversation (even if in this case the answer seems pretty obvious...:) ).
by ludovica rate this post as useful

to ludovica 2006/1/26 08:22
so she shouldn't have said that both of them (the jguy) has a relation with others.

what they should be thinking both of them? If they were those to do that, the jguy and herself should had never forgiven then while on the other side they're same.

While i have been considered by others that's really good that the people in which i asked friend request have not accepted. Just because i act like that and i am justified.
by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

This is getting OT 2006/1/26 09:22
Angela came here to seek an impartial opinion. Seems like this thread has departed far from its original intention. IMO it's a total lack of netiequette to be this judgmental.

The question was whether 'j men would talk on sexual topics with just any female friend' and NOT what do you people think about cheating on one's spouse.

just my $0.02
by lola rate this post as useful

wrong 2006/1/26 10:14
once you post you say it all.

i read the content and i post my comments.

Do whatever you like as i do not change. I am also free to post my comments.

If the problem is ony jmen talking about sex, there is full of topics regarding this.

If you get a notice at her post she say's WHY althought both of them what they do, the jguy does not even talks to her about that but only asks her about her sex life.

A topic is NOT been made to reply only regarding to the topic's TITLE like a child.

The title is only the beggining and the whole post is to analize and comment.

If you want me to reply regarding the TITLE i'll do so that you don't say i am wrong:

Everything depends from the character of the person.

There are jguys who don't even talk about their sex life and neither ask but there are also others who are interested to know. Everything depends from the character of each person. No one is same.

Then you should mix the title with the topic.

Why does the jguy asks all that to her?

The jguy knows that Angela knows he has a girlfriend (poor)

[read the sentence above carefully]

they do what they do and then the guy feels free to ask her regarding their situation.

He asks less that what they did together and he's confident.

So althought this post was long, i'ven't insulted anyone, but i just posted my comments.

Feel free to say whatevere you want know.

If it was important only the title, it should have been necessary to write a whole post. It'd be a waste of time.
by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

reply 2006/1/29 03:49
Wow, it's been a long time since I checked this forum, and I'm surprised I've received so many responses to my question. Thanks to everyone for your input :)

I should mention that the sex-related conversations I have with my language exchange partner are usually about BAD experiences with PAST sexual partners, not good experiences with my current partner. Also, I don't go into GRAPHIC detail about the mechanics of my experiences; instead, I summarize what it is that disgusted me about my past experiences, and then we laugh and joke around about it.

All this stuff people have said about cheating is irrelevant to my question. While I am attracted to him, I have not cheated on my boyfriend with him, nor do I plan to. All I want to know is whether or not it's the norm in Japanese society for guys to talk about sexual topics with female friends.
by Angela rate this post as useful

thanks 2006/1/29 08:55
for your reply.
by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

I Love Sakura 2006/1/29 15:36
Just wondering, I Love Sakura, where are you from?
by Angela rate this post as useful

to Angela 2006/2/5 09:30
uh? Me?

Greece... why?
by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

To I Love Sakura 2006/2/10 12:41
You just have an interesting way of talking, that's all. I was just curious...
by Angela rate this post as useful

thanks 2006/2/10 20:23
but no one in my country is used to be like me. Anyway i am mixed in ethnicity but no race.

My way of talking is a result of myself. I learned by myself to be like that.

My two sides: the kind and the tough

by I Love Sakura rate this post as useful

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