Communicating with Japanese People

I've wanted to ask this question for a bit of time already - but not really sure how to ask it politely without stereotyping. I've lived in Japan before for those of you who didn't know, so I do have some experience communicating with Japanese people.

The question that I'm dying to ask is - Does anyone else out there think that - if you ask a Japan friend a pretty normal question directly and this question isn't rude or anything (say you're asking about what books they read) - sometimes they have a brain 'misfire' and don't pay attention or answer it? Is the probability of this happening higher than you're used to?


I find that when I speak to some of my Japanese friends and obviously we have common topics but if I have some questions to ask them - 1 out of 5 of my completely non-sensitive and non-personal questions I ask, they could just suddenly jump topic and talk about another thing altogether unrelated. Thus it leaves my
question unanswered as if it never existed in the first place... :O

I mean its happened more than once with different friends, I'm just trying to work out if there's something spooky going on :P

Do you communicate in Japanese? In either case, they might not have understood your question correctly for linguistic or cultural reasons. To avoid the situation of uncertainity, they may just prefer to switch topics. I don't think it is particlulary Japanese, though. I also observe it in Western communication culture.

Or they may not feel comfortable about answering the question (e.g. because they feel it is too personal) and avoid answering by switching topics. Questions of personal preferences such as preference of books can be considered too personal depending on the person and situation.

On a general note, compared to Western communication culture, I have the feeling it is a little bit more common/acceptable in Japan to just ignore a question and switch topics, although it is not considered a fine and polite thing to do, unless the question is inappropriate.

"On a general note, compared to Western communication culture, I have the feeling it is a little bit more common/acceptable in Japan to just ignore a question and switch topics, although it is not considered a fine and polite thing to do, unless the question is inappropriate."

I don't really think so. Completely ignoring someone's comment or question or any sort of speach is called "mushi (ignore)" and is considered as one of the most rude things you can do to a person among Japanese society.

My instant and wild guess is that the person didn't hear you well, probably due to their lack of English hearing ability or (please excuse me for guessing so but) due to your lack of Japanese speaking ability, and was just too stubborn to ask "What did you say?" This happens all the time. I do it too, I'm afraid.

Of course, quite often, questions are answered very vaguely, like "Oh, I don't know." or even just a "Hmm? Umm, hmm..." and then they'd switch to a different topic or something. This does happen more often among the Japanese compared to Western culture where people are more specific about their preferences and answers.

I completely agree with Uji.
Asking your friend what book he read may have been too personal of a question to this individual or may have thought it to be rude for you to be asking about a book over social conversation etc.

(It may be hard for a person who has grown up and educated in public school in abroad with aquired tastes of foreign manners who thinks like non Japanese to figure this out.)

Most Japanese in general have different personalities or way of thinking at times than say Americans. This is not a generalization by all means.

And, Rouge,I don't know how long you've lived in Japan but you have to accept the way they are as individual and sync with their flow. Then you may get to the core of what you're trying to figure out.
Uji knows Japanese very well.

What I meant was that if I ask someone a rude or personal question, I would usually get a response that is either a proper sentence, or a weird look implying it was a rude question, or a "Huh???" type of a response, and not a complete act of ignoring as though the question "never existed". But of course, maybe that's just me. Just trying to clarify myself.

I would also respond in similar situation; it's just "universal" thing to do, no matter what culture you're from

--------if you ask a Japan friend a pretty normal question directly and this question isn't rude or anything (say you're asking about what books they read) - sometimes they have a brain 'misfire' and don't pay attention or-------


What you think this normal, unrude question may not sound friendly and be a little over the boundary for that person.
You have to consider integrity of that person and his feelings, not yours.
I think 'consideration' is a key to success in making friendly conversation or friends.
I believe that (consideration) is universal, Euro-girl, not how individual should responds to the question as you think.



-----------if I ask someone a rude or personal question, I would usually get a response that is either a proper sentence, or a weird look implying it was a rude question, or a "Huh???" type of a response, --------------

Again, this sounds like coming from your American way.
Japanese often remain quiet or non expressive. Individual would usually "uh?" as questioning themselves than answering to you.

Thanks for the suggestions. I think Uji kind of understands what I'm saying especially by his comment at the bottom of his 1st response a bit.

Perhaps I should have replied a bit earlier on as it has gotten a bit misleading as something out of my original post was taken out of context a bit!?

When I mentioned that - i.e. if I ask a question such as 'what book they're reading', in fact I just made this up as an example. It seems like this particular sample of mine, well some people think its could be rather personal.

Fair enough... although...

In reality, the sort of questions I asked was more like -

1) Have u read Death Diary before?
or
2) Are u following the World Cup?
or
3) How is Takuma Sato-san doing? *Replace name with any friend's name.

Virtually any type of question in reality. Just really normal stuff!


I guess Uco is right if I was asking the question using either really poor English or Japanese... on some occasions. But I find that it happens even if I'm emailing someone or chatting to them person to person on MSN!

Some friends I talk to just skip things completely without warning! YES I do find it a bit rude sometimes to be honest, even though they might not have meant it. But I'm not really sure if I should ask the same question twice and be rude myself!

I honestly sometimes find a lot of Japanese behaviour to be surprising to me too aside from communication. Just the way they react or don't react?

Example A:

Me and another foreigner friend goes with 3-4 Japanese ladies to dinner in a Japanese restaurant in Australia.

The Asian waiter comes to take our order and surprisingly all the Japanese girls did not pick up that he was also Japanese for some unknown reason. So they asked me to order for them in English... since they don't speak it well.

Me and my friend looked at each other and had a bit of chuckle because we were thinking WTF, this guy's obviously a Japanese just as they are.

So we told the girls that he's Japanese, but we became *shocked* afterwards because not one of these girls had a laught or any reaction to show they just embarrassed not only themselves but also the Japanese waiter standing there being thought of as some other asian with a bit of sad look on his face. Whilst me and my friend couldn't stop laughing we also noticed this odd lack of reaction or 'sense of humour' by the girls? *_*


Example B:

One of my friends showed me her favourite book which is written in Japanese that she brought from Japan. She said she takes it everywhere with her even when she travels and she's had it for 20 odd years.

First of all I was shocked that someone could love a book so much she carries it to another country. I mean, its a good book...

I took a look at her book and noticed that there were some small writing on one of the first few pages. Which upon research this book wasn't even written by a Japanese but by a Frenchmen.

Her book that she has loved for 20 odd years isn't even written in Japan, its just a translated copy...

I told her that and she didn't believe me! So next time we met I showed her a borrowed copy already translated into English...

So she found out she was wrong for 20+ years...hmm..
I didn't even dare to laugh - but I was shocked that she never even noticed the french writing on the front of the book for the years she's had the book!


So yeah, sometimes I still do become a bit shocked with the cultural differences once in a while! I got a few more examples but this's getting a bit long! But the different responses from my friends when we talk - to be honest that does bug me a little sometimes! But I've learnt to accept it! I'm just curious if some others have similar experiences, that's all :)

How old are you, Rouge?
I think your problem is you put yourself first before anyone. You need to lower your ego.
As I said, consideration is a key rather than try to correct a person on academic challenge mode.
Earlier sentence, you mentioned she likes this particuler book but not based on who wrote it. I'm sure author's name is on it if it was written by a French. So what is your point? You coundn't wait to tell her it was written by a French to make yourself look smarter? You should have said, "Oh, I like this French author too" or in that line.

You just need a communication skill.

I think you're a bit of juvenile or inexperienced person.

What's so funny about not recognizing a chef in a sushi restaurant in Australia as Japanese. Do you think all sushi restaurant have Japanese chefs?

cc.

Who said anything about I wanting to be egotistic and make myself appear smarter by letting her know the book is written by a French author?

All I'm letting her know is that I'm telling her the truth, and you have absolutely no idea how I had ended up relaying that truth to her in the nicest most sensitive way possible... since I can't divulge every single detail to you.


Seriously you are the one who has a communications problem.


When did I mention any sushi chefs at all?


Go back and read it properly.

You did not even understand anything that I've said and is imagining things all by yourself, unfortunately.


Why don't you go talk to someone else who also thinks like you - and looks down upon Australia as not being better than its mother country as you've insinuated on another thread.

Sorry mate, I meant the waiter. Not all waiters are Japanese by their looks.

What's the matter, feel insulted?

Do you ever think maybe that's the way these Japanese people you spoke to felt?

I've been to Australia. Infact I've been to Sushi Restaurant in Perth and at Casino. None of the waiters were Japanese though most of the sushi chefs at Burlswood were Japanese.

You're wrong, Rough, I'm only talking to you as an individual, not as entire Austalia.

I meant Rouge not Rough.

Cc, Okay, I translated the Japanese "Uh" to the English "Huh" so that people on this English language forum would understand (sigh).

And I meant that the local Japanese people respond to me like that even though they don't know my relationship with America. But again it could be just me. Just making myself clear. In any case, Rouge is commenting from a "foreigner vs. Japanese" pov, so if I'm Americanized, that should work perfectly.

But back to the topic, chatting and emailing and the whole internet thing is a totally different story, Rouge! A lot of my comments are indeed ignored on these occasions. I don't know why, but I guess it's just the nature of it. Internet people seem to have a poor...no, excuse me, a "different" way of responding.

In fact, there is a popular Japanese Q&A site called "Oshiete Goo" that runs in the concept of correcting this tendency. If you post a question there and don't resond to the answers, you get an encouragement email from the webmasters telling you you should respond by using the "thank you format".

One way to look at it however, is that the other party may be disliking my too long emails or posts (like this one!) and trying to make it shorter by responding shorter. Or he/she may be looking at the question as something more casual like "So have you been following the games? Did you read the book? Tell me what you've been up to." which is practically just a longer way of saying "So tell me all about you."

On a related note though, I have 2 Japanese friends who live abroad (in fact, both live in Spanish countries) and who do not repond to ANY of my comments at all! It's like my emails don't even exist at all, but to prove that they are receiving them, they only reply to the technical comments like "Your recent email was garbled." Finally I realised that they are sending same messages to all their friends, somewhat like sending a diary, and therefore do not respond to individual comments. But while I can understand people sending diaries, I'd expect them to respond individual messages once in a while, at least when I'm asking questions or reporting something a bit serious.

All that said however, I don't understand Example A. In fact, I think I would react just like those girls did. Why should I be embarrassed or what not? I don't get it. And I think that Example B is just another very amusing story that doesn't really happen all the time.

-------Cc, Okay, I translated the Japanese "Uh" to the English "Huh" so that people on this English language forum would understand (sigh).--------


It's a silent '?', uh like ha or huh.


--------And I meant that the local Japanese people respond to me like that even though they don't know my relationship with America. But again it could be just me. ---------

I think you think that.
Of course you announce yourself as Japanese or bilingual Japanese, so who knows.


-------- In any case, Rouge is commenting from a "foreigner vs. Japanese" pov, so if I'm Americanized, that----------

Is that so. I think he is commenting from what he thinks of Japanese as a whole only through a few encounters and what he thinks the way things should be.

This is my own pov, formed by my own experience, so if anyone disagrees, pls don't stalk and flame me ( sympathies for poor rouge! i think he knows what i mean by being stalked) ;p

anyway, i have some japanese friends who have been "cosmopolitanised" and some who have not.

what i notice is that those who are not "cosmopolitanised" usually ignore a topic, or change the subject whenever they feel uncomfortable about it.

the "cosmopolitanised" japanese tend to be more outspoken or are used to getting culture shocks, so they take it on their stride.

there's nothing good or bad about both groups of people.

also, i think ignoring a taboo subject is a very asian thing to do. i'm chinese, and we do that too. at least i know the generation before me does that, but i seldom see it in my generation. my aunt tells me it's the polite thing to do...

also, some people tend to pretend that something doesn;t exist if they're uncomfortable with the topic. it's like - if you pretend it's not there, then it doesn;t exist. i find it prevalent in asian cultures, and especially so in japan.

so you see - cultural differences can lead to misunderstanding.

cc.

My point is, your comments are not appreciated on here.

i want to learning japanese language online.how can i get?

I want to apologise to c.c. a bit.

I'm trying not to reply your answers directly because you write too provocatively, 2ndly its impossible to answer your 'suggestions' because a lot of them, especially the comments on me, are false. If I become confrontational with you, a girl, online, it gets nowhere. :) I really want to tell you honestly though, you take things too far into your own pov and out of context sometimes. And its not even being constructive.

The ironical thing? You make inept comments which suggests someone else doesn't know how to communicate in a kind, easy going manner yet calls someone else juvenile and insensitive/egotistic (me in this case) with apparently no reasons for doing so.

If you think that I might feel that you're 'insulting' me - then why did you make those stupid comments yourself in the first place?

You ask for my age and believes falsely without basis that I'm inexperienced and don't possess the correct communications skills - yet the you're the one who is making childish comments all over the forum.

You are a walking contradiction - come back and talk when you grow up ; )

***************************

UCO -

Thanks for letting me know your experience with the 2 friends in Spain. It is very interesting that they would send such a standardised email to everyone!

The "Oshiete Goo" site (I haven't visited it!) sounds interesting haha! May be you're right, we all expect to be answered especially if we ask some questions, or on a forum a contribution is made? :O

I don't find your posts to be long its very informative. I think you must be an exceptional person ^.^

I have found out that usually Japanese friends tend to communicate in short emails, probably due to fact they are used to sending emails/msgs on mobile phones. Although say I'm on MSN chatting with a friend - I guess once in a while my question could be missed. BUT, in some cases I ask a direct question as an alternative to saying 'hi' rather than sticking to the old 'hi, how are you?' 'I'm fine. My work is so busy. Poor me. How are you?' 'yes, my work is so busy too.' u know the very normal boring protocols u stick to only at the beginning of a friendship! Well in some of these cases the 1st line I get back from the person is about some other topic altogether so its a bit unexpected, that's all! I dun have a problem with it - its just that its a bit... weird.


As for my Example A above - I don't really know what your relationship is with America, educational backgrounds or whether you consider yourself a fully international person.

However, me and my friend were surprised more by the fact that these girls didn't had a reaction for making a blunder even if a small one because they spoke 'Japanese' to me to instruct me to order in English... whereas that waiter standing infront of them heard this but didn't know how to react, until I told the girls he is from your country!

Under that circumstance (may be I couldn't describe the story fully on here due to my lack of communicational skills lol) we really expected that they would at least think 'woops...' and have a small smile just like me and my friend did.


i.e. I've always thought Uji was a very extraordinary Japanese since he writes in a style so internationally. When I finally realised the truth my reaction was like 'ooops' because I didn't know that and I had written somewhere else presuming he is Japanese in some Propose to J-girlfriend thread? Well perhaps, I wasn't that embarrassed in this case since I made the false presumption online between us here instead of doing so in person! But I found I still had a reaction all the way in Australia - may be one that is like - 'ooops.... then wow', UJI knows so much about Japan and is so helpful in the travel section, yet he is someone else than I thought. ^_^


Anyway - c.c. I do apologise to you. F.Y.I I never mentioned anything about me not expecting or expecting to see a non-Japanese or Japanese staff or chef in a restaurant in Australia. In reality 50% of the ones here are operated by Chinese or Koreans. That was never my point in the discussion.... it was something else altogether being discussed, on a difference channel.

I've really wanted to tell u this for a long time.

What apology?

All you did was make up excuses, Rouge.

You're full of it.

?????

I apologised because in my second last reply I told you your replies are appreciated.