Meeting penpals?

In recent months Ive made some friends as email penpals on this site, not romantic, just friends. Next year I plan to take a couple of weeks holiday in Japan. What is the best way to deal with whether I should see them while Im there? I dont want them to feel obliged to see me if I tell them about my trip, but equally it would be rude not to mention Im in Japan!

Basically I want to bring up the subject of the trip while making it clear I dont mind what they decide.

I would just mention that I am thinking about visiting Japan and ask if they have any recomendation and go from there.

Dave,

Take it easy. It's no big deal. I've met non-romantic penpals, opposite/same gender, foreign/domestic. One would just say, "I'll be in town." They might say, "I hope we have a chance to meet." or I might say that. Sometimes we meet, sometimes one ends up saying, "This time I won't have much time, so you'll have to excuse me." or "Hi, I'm back home. Sorry I didn't get the time to contact you." No problem.

Have a nice trip!

Thanks for the advice...I imagine it would be much more nerve racking if it were romantic. Even so, transfering an email friendship into real world friendship I imsgine as tough, because obviously with email there is so much more time to consider a response etc, and shyness is much less of an issue.

Yes, I guess it would be best to say Ill be in such a place on a certain day and leave it at that.

When I lived in Okinawa, I tried to make friends on Japan-Guide that lived close to me just for the purpose of meeting. I was nervous at first, but I began to look forward to meeting new people. There was about three different people that I went to the mall and shopping with about once a week. Even though I've been out of Oki a year, we still keep in contact. Trust me, meeting a penpal brings you so much CLOSER. I think it's just the peace of mind that you've been sending emails to a real person with flesh and blood.

To be honest, most of the time my penpals mention wanting to meet me before I could even say anything! To the penpals who don't know, I just tell them that I am going to Japan (insert date) and they always seem excited about it. Honestly I doubt they'd feel obliged to see you. If you're really worried about that just don't ask about meeting them, mention the trip and see what they say.

Hi

I have a question about the pen pals system. I have been thinking about perhaps talking to some of the people listed on the pen pal section of this web site but have never done this before so is it a reasonably safe thing to do, I mean I am unlikely to go and see the people as I live in the UK currently. Is there any advise you can give me for doing this without insutling genuine people?

I tried to make a post on this but for some reason I never seem to be able to see the topics listed when I have posted them so if anybody can help there that would be useful.

Many thanks

It feels a risk, even though we are friends, to transfer, however briefly, a friendship from email to the real world, the irony is that the real me is in my emails, and that meeting people Im overwhlemed by awkwardness, shyness. I cant imagine that I would be anything but a disappointment should we meet.

Garfield, questions are reviewed before publication, so takeva while to appear.

As for penpals, Ive never made an Ad, I prefer to respond to other peoples...

Ive maybe responded to 12 - 15 ads down the months...a few of them I had no reply, or one reply...a couple of others are now aquantices who send the ocassional email, and finally Id described two as friends now, whom I regularly email.

I think you generally will know within a couple of emails whether there is a spark of friendship there.

Ok, thanks for the help, I may follow this through now.

Many thanks

Hi everyone,

First to Dave, as it has already been stated, the simplest thing to do is let your Pen-pals know when it is that you are thinking about going.

If there are particular people you would like to meet up with, just ask them. I have eight friends I have met through Japan-guide. I have met six of them during my visits to Japan. One of my friends went as far as to come up to Osaka from Yamaguchi. I plan to meet the remaining two when I make my first trip to Hokkaido. I live in the states.

You may also consider scheduling your trip to accommodate time that they have off. Mostly if you put it out there, they will let you know how they feel about it.

Dave: Talking and writing are very different. If I understand you to mean that you want to speak with your Pen-pals over the phone, etc.

You start with writing and developing the online friendship. Far too many individuals try to use this and other sites as �gpick-up�h sites. People get tired and weary. The women particularly feel the pressure, so why cause any if all you are trying to do is create friendships. Once you have established yourself and you earn trust you can offer them your information and let them decided if they wish to communicate verbally.

One of my closest friends is from Tokyo and we met here. She is married and made it clear from the onset that friendship was the order of the day and an exchange of ideas was what she was searching for. Three years later, we are close, I have met her and her husband, we exchange calls and post cards, and all said and done�cit cannot be better.

I hope this helps.

Engeru

Dave, you never mentioned if you want to meet your penpals or not! When you get to know them better, and when you know if they're going to continue writing you next year as well (you mentioned you've only known for a couple of months, and sometimes it's hard to tell that early), I think you'll be able to say if you'd like to meet some or all of them.

Of course, that doesn't solve the problem of how to bring up the trip and suggest a meeting, or how to NOT do it.

I had the same problem last year, when I was planning on my trip to Japan. I have a Japanese penpal, who I got to know through this website several years ago. Unfortunately we've never been very close, and I feel like we don't have all that much in common these days. Eventually I decided that meeting her would be really awkward, and that it wasn't something I wanted to worry about on my holiday, especially when I was already traveling with a friend.

I couldn't think of a nice way of telling her in advance, so I didn't mention the trip until I had returned home. She said she was surprised, and that if she'd known we could have seen each other. I do think she's a very nice person, and I hope her feelings weren't hurt, but because we don't know each other that well, I suppose she was all right. The same has happened to me as well, penpals visiting my country and not having the chance to meet me, and I've survived.

But I HAVE met some of my penpals as well, and most of these meetings have been great! Some of these meetings have happened because we've wanted to meet up and one has then travelled to see the other, and some because one has been in the area where the other lives. The friend who I went to Japan with was also someone I had first met online, and we're now planning on another trip together.

I was over in japan last nov with a friend of mine, i had been speaking to a guy in the Japan-Guide chat room and we ended up meeting him in Osaka.

Was really good, i phonned him when i was free but couldnt understand his english so i emailed him (His written english was great) And he told me he was bringing another female friend from Japan-guide.

So we met them both and went on a trip to Nara for the day. Was great to get to see the sights etc however i had food poisoning lol and didnt really feel like socialising.

I was only around 19 when we met them but i felt safe.. its japan for crying out loud! Alot safer than here anyway (Scotland) lol

Hope that helps
-Mint

Yes it does thanks. Sounds very good that. I have messaged a couple of people so now its a case of wait and see.

What I will do is wait til I book...should be november...if Im still in regular touch, then Ill mention that I wiil be in Japan and where Im going. See what happens.

As to whether I want to see them...I do, but Id be afraid of messing up, disappointing them...

I wonder what is the best thing to do when I greet them, or say goodbye to them. I want to be friendly, but recognise that Japanese people are perhaps more reserved. Would a friendly handshake be ok? A bow? A hug on parting?

Hello,

It's very important to speak politely when speaking to Japanese people, unless you know the people well. To greet a person, you should say, "Hajimemashite. Watashi no namae wa 'family name + first name' desu. Dozo yoroshiku." After that, you should bow slightly. The deeper the bow, the more respect is given.

To say goodbye, you should say "Sayonara" and bow. Shaking hands are alright, but don't squeeze the person's hand too tightly.

Have a great time! ^__^

I also forgot to mention that when you shake hands, you should bow slightly to show respect. Again, when shaking hands, don't squeeze the person's hand too tightly.

Bow is good, shake hands if they offer their hand to shake your hand first (ie they initiate it because they know your customs) but otherwise, an initial introduction and bow is good.

Hugging good bye isn't really done, unless you really really are good friends or couple with the person. Just another bow is good.

If you really feel like hugging, go ahead! The Japanese, including me, are not accustomed to hugging and they don't know how. So it's nice when once in a while people from another culture take the lead and offer a big hug.

Wouldn't switching around your name be very strange and confusing?