Giving Expensive Gifts

I sent my penpal a gift on Tuesday through the mail, and after coming home from school, I received an email telling me not to send expensive gifts to my penpal. She states that she cannot accept expensive gifts. The truth is all that she's getting are two postcards and a small letter, and the postcards are inexpensive. Is it a good idea to send expensive things to penpals or not. I also feel a little bad about not knowing in advance about this. I just hope she still writes to me and forgives me next time.

Melissa,

Firstly, in Japan, there is a custom in which recipients of gifts are expected to give something in return (often something worth approximately half the value). If you start giving expensive gifts, this "okaeshi" custom of giving something in return can often become a burden.
Secondly, your penpal could just be concerned that you are spending a lot of money on expensive gifts in situations where this is not really necessary.
Having said all that, a couple of postcards hardly sounds like an expensive gift, so I don't really understand why the issue came up.

Melissa, I'm guessing that you are just starting to exchange emails with someone who is a beginner of the English language.

In Japan, it is customary to be humble. If you recieve a gift, you're supposed to say stuff like, "You shouldn't have.""I can't accept this.""You're too generous." etc. It's more like a greeting. I'm sure your penpal was simply writing something which was quite a bit of a direct translation of a Japanese greeting. At least, no Japanese would thing that postcards are "expensive".

An ideal reply would be, "Don't worry! Postcards aren't expensive and I enjoy sending a little something for my friends." But it is indeed better to keep your budget low.

I think the OP was saying the penpal told them not to get them an expensive gift, the OP however was planning only to send postcards (the penpal does not know the OP is sending postcards) so I think the penpal was not referring to the sending of post cards but rather asking the OP not to go out of their way or spend much whatever gift they plan on getting.

With that said, certainly post cards are nothing expensive. I'm thinking they mean don't send them a diamond earring or new iPod.

Hi Uco,

In the email, It sounded like she was really telling me not to send her anything. She told me "Don't Do That." The original plan was that she sent me a copy of her favorite book to help me with my Japanese, and I decided to return the favor by sending her postcards of her favorite singer.

I sent my other penpal a letter with two postcards and she was really excited to be getting them. I hope things turn around. If not, it was nice while it lasted.

Melissa, why not explain to you penpal all you have mentioned to us, and simply ask her why you shouldn't send anything to her. Also go ahead and ask her if it offended her bothered her.

Because I feel there is no reason she should reject your postcards (in fact, it would be very weird to reject them), and I'm sure you do too. I still think it was a humble greeting meaning to say that you shouldn't worry about sending gifts in return or what not. But if there is any special reason she should dislike receiving gifts in spite of sending some herself, then you should know about it.

That's the fun of penpaling: Deepening communication in order to understand each other's culture.