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Tokyo unfriendly?
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2007/10/9 16:14
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I've been visiting Japan off and on for the last ten years while visiting my soon-to-be wife and have had very positive experiences. I've visited a number of areas from Sendai to Iriomote near Okinawa and found many people throughout Japan to be quite friendly and accommodating. I found Osaka, where my wife is from, to be a generally happy, upbeat city and welcoming toward foreigners. Tokyo is the only place I hadn't visited before.
I've just recently moved to Tokyo where my wife is working, and since I've decided to make Japan a more or less long term home, the cultural adjustment has been much more difficult.
Now, I'm not sure how to frame this question for my experience is fairly subjective, but is Tokyo simply a less friendly place? Direct neighbors in the same building ignore me. A greeting of ''konichiwa'' is ignored or met with a mumbled grunt. Neighbors and people as a whole avoid eye contact or overt their eyes when passing. I haven't had one single ''friendly'' encounter in the 4 months that I've been here, and the sea of glum faces that surround me makes we want to stay indoors all of the time. In fact, I'm resistant to even ask anyone for directions. In the past I seem to remember Osaka, Kyushu, Shikoku, etc as being quite different. Is Tokyo really that different? Do people here tend to resent foreigners? Am I living in the wrong part of Tokyo? Did I suddenly turn into an ass and just don't realize it? Even if there is some sort of unhappiness epidemic here, aren't there any exceptions anywhere?
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by zoogy
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Tokyo unfriendly
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2007/10/9 18:04
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Zoogy,
I think it is mostly just a case of "big city syndrome", where people just prefer to get on with their own lives. It will depend somewhat on which part of town you live in, but it is especially noticeable if you are living in an apartment block for young, single people. I wouldn't take it personally.
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by Dave in Saitama
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It's not just you
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2007/10/10 16:09
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Saitama Dave is right.
If you're coming from the U.S., I think a relevant comparison would be that Tokyo is like New York City and Osaka is like Southern California. It just felt like that when I had the chance to go to Osaka after a 3 month stay in Tokyo.
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by Dave in California (soon Adachi)
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Tokyo unfriendly?
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2007/10/10 16:56
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Hi, As a Kanto resident, I hope you will not hate Tokyo because of your short-term experience. With the population of 12.6million, Tokyo is one of the largest cities in the world. Your neighbors(perhaps young ones) may be lonely in the concrete apartment blocks, or too busy working, who came from regional districts outside Tokyo. There are various residential areas to choose from. It depends on where you live, but if you have perceptual cues before anything, you will lose chance to make friends in Tokyo. Please explore more of Tokyo, meet many people and make friends.
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by Mamiko in Kanagawa
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Same here!
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2007/10/10 20:44
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I've been experiencing the exact same thing. Last year I stayed in Osaka and the people were incredibly kind and warm to me. At the moment I'm in Hiroshima, and no matter where I go here I'm treated badly. I hate it.
People in Osaka are far more friendly. Why? I don't know, but Tokyo could be the same as Hiroshima. I haven't lived long enough in Tokyo to be able to tell that, though.
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by niko-chan
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Tokyo is...
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2007/10/10 21:17
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Its not that Tokyo is unfriendly, its just that there are too many people.
I experienced the same thing when I first came to Tokyo and after about 6 months I just stopped caring. I have my own life, my own friends, so why should I care about the millions of other people in this city?
As far as Japanese being unfriendly to Gaijin, I don't think thats true. Its just that Japanese in Tokyo see gaijin everywhere everyday and there is nothing speacial about it. In Kyushu and other areas of Japan, people usually so not see gaijin very often and when they do they make a big deal about it.
These are just my thoughts on the matter and I hope you adjust to your new life here.
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by GaijinJland
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Aloof is a better word
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2007/10/11 09:01
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''Its just that Japanese in Tokyo see gaijin everywhere everyday and there is nothing speacial about it.''
I've been here for a little over 2 months, and I think this quote from the above post sums it up fairly well.
In one sense, I am kind of glad that people don't care you are a foreigner; it makes it easier for me to go about my daily business (food shopping, paying bills, etc.) without being stared at or bothered.
No one in my apartment building speaks to me either; I usually get a quick nod and then we are on our way. I think most people are in my situation: they work all day and they go home to eat and sleep; they've got their own stuff going on, and that's that. I do agree that it is kind of lame.
The only outright hostility I have gotten was from the older Japanese generation; maybe 60+. They just don't seem to like foreigners. When I take a walk around my neighborhood, once and a while I get a hard stare, and one guy even followed me! But I just nod and say hello. What can you do about it? There's people like that in every country.
There's a lot of dogs in my area though, and many people have let me pet them. A few times the dogs walk up to me to greet me, and no one seems to have a problem with that; it's not like their yanking the leash to get the dog away from me, but they aren't stopping to have a conversation either.
In general though, because they're are so many people, I would guess that the pace of life in Tokyo is faster than other areas in Japan.
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by Bob
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I luv Tokyo
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2007/10/11 11:57
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Being born and generally raised in southern Tokyo and have lived in L.A. and visited N.Y, I think Dave in California said it best. It's not that Tokyo-ers are unfriendly, but it's probably that the "expressions" of people from huge and mixed up northern cities are a bit more distant and simple.
A good example is the experience we had when we lost our way in a NY subway close to Harlem. We asked the way to a young lady sitting alone in the train, and without seeing our faces one bit, and without even smiling one bit, she promptly and thoroughly explained which way we should go. She even bothered to shout and point out the direction as we both got off the at the same station, but still she was doing it facing the other way.
I've also encountered old ladies in the older part of Tokyo who talk so fast and harsh that it sounds like they're angry at you, but the truth is that they are being very informative on giving you advise. It's just that they waste very little time. A celebrity from Okinawa was talking on TV about a stranger in a sudden rain in Tokyo who rushed to her side, handed her an umbrella, and rushed away without saying anything.
That's sort of how it goes here. Clean and simple.
Btw, as for the "konnichiwa" responded by a grunt, I really have to say you were unlucky. I'm not surprised if people ignore you (mainly due to shyness or not wanting to be involved with anyone at all), but that grunting person must have been in a very bad mood. Otherwise maybe he was just trying to greet you back, but he was so shy that it sounded like a grunt.
On a related note, I wonder if you have already brought a little something like 500-1000 yen worth of tea to your neighbors (both sides, upstairs and downstairs - total 4 households). Perhaps with your names written on it. Anyone moving in is supposed to do that, and it is supposed to be a simple greeting and a good chance to get to know your neighbors.
I hope you have better experiences in the near future.
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by Uco
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I know what you mean.
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2007/10/11 12:04
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For six years i've been traveling back & forth between L.A. & Tokyo (central) for work. I'm also married to a Japanese lady and just made the move to Tokyo (Aug.'07) I really never noticed any "bad feelings" before. But now as we are settling in to our new life here, I understand what you're feeling/seeing. At least here in the suburbs of Tokyo. I think central tokyo is different.
I am now used to the silence that follows most of my "ohayo's or konnichiwa's" to my neighbors, but I still greet them when we make eye contact. It's about 50/50 here.
My wife say's that many Japanese are embarrassed of their English so they avoid eye contact in hopes that you will not ask/speak to them. I don't know?
I've had people approach me at the market, park & on the street. Some just to show their friends that "they're not affraid" to talk to a gaijin. Others are serious and interested in knowing about where I'm from & what the culture is like there. I've been invited to dinner from 2 people and went out drinking, playing pool and darts with a few others. Just give it time and be yourself, I beleive things will get better.
By the way, many people in my neighborhood back in So.Calif. don't even try getting to know their neighbors, let alone saying hello.
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by V
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