How to respond to compliments?

If a Japanese person compliments you in English, how are you supposed to respond?

If someone compliments me in Japanese, I usually deny it & say something like "sonna koto nai desu," but I'm confused about what to say if I'm complimented in English.

If a native English speaker complimented me, I'd normally say "thank you," but since the one giving compliments is Japanese, I'm a little confused.

For example, I was talking to OO & he told me that I'm "kawaii" so I said "sonna koto nai." Then, a few seconds later, OO said "you're cute" & I said "no, I'm not" (I think I was still on Japanese-mode...)

Just in case this happens again in the future, how do you think I should respond?

5 9 1000,

Well, I'm Japanese and I say "arigatogozaimasu!" when someone says "kawaii" or compliments me in Japanese, and so do a lot of my friends. I see that all the time on Japanese TV. If that doesn't feel right for you, there is always that English expression, "I'm flattered." or "You're flattering me."

Just because you're in Japan doesn't mean you have to give the response you think is "Japanese." As Uco says, not all Japanese people would respond in the way you mention anyway.

Perhaps the reason the person compliments you in such a way is because they like you for who you are and that you are not Japanese? Therefore by acting in a Japanese way, the person may think you're boring. Perhaps you should respond naturally?

I get compliments like "you're smart" all the time (because I have a PhD), and I just respond "Shitte imasu" (I know) because this is what I'd say in English.

Uco & Tony, thank you for your replies :)

Great, I'll stick with "thank you" if someone compliments me.

A few years ago, one of my Japanese teachers told my class that we were supposed to respond by saying "no, I'm not" or something like that when dealing with compliments in Japanese, but anyway...

Also, I was wondering if it would be alright to say something like "no, you're cuter/smarter/(insert compliment)"?

The OP wrote;
"A few years ago, one of my Japanese teachers told my class that we were supposed to respond by saying "no, I'm not" or something like that when dealing with compliments in Japanese"

That's good to know when you're learning the Japanese language. But "supposed to" and "must" aren't the same thing :)

Yeah, it's not a "must" :)

Uco, as a Japanese person, what do you think about someone who responds by saying, "no, you're (cuter, whatever)"?

I've said that before to my American friends.

OP wrote;
Uco, as a Japanese person, what do you think about someone who responds by saying, "no, you're (cuter, whatever)"?

What do I think? What am I supposed to think? I think nothing about that "someone." I just think of that sentence.

I might say, "Oh, you're just saying that." meaning it, or I might say, "Are you serious? Look at me, look at you." meaning it, depending on "how" that person says "no, you're..."

By the way, I think sometimes non-Japanese people get the wrong impression that the Japanese are not supposed to admit anything good about themselves. It's not like that at all. It's that in Japan, modesty is honored over arrogance, and that's nothing really special even in English-speaking countries. You will know how it's done when you get here :)

They really should mention that in the text books lol :)

Thank you, Uco!

I was taught the same in Japanese class about the "nooo...I'm not cute at all (I'm hideous) thing. I also took a Japanese Business class...we were told if someone compliments how good our Japanese is to say something along the lines of いいえ、まだ勉強しないと (no...I still need to study) it's just politer. From what I've learned and experienced a lot of people will just compliment you for the sake of it though.... In general, in more formal situations it's good to stay humble and lightly decline the answer. However, with friends! Be honest! Don't be afraid to admit that you are indeed the most amazing and superior person they've ever met :D I've found that this approach is def. better if you want to become actually good friends with the person. They'll appreciate joking/truthful comments like this.

For a less polite alternative approach.... I sometimes will inject a bit of humour... but you have to be careful with sarcasm, as most Japanese will just feel it's rude.

For example, many North Americans don't find the British level of sarcasm funny... just rude. Some love the cutting humour.

Japanese sarcasm in humour is rare and far less common.

All that being said, if I'm around someone my own age, and I know them well, if they say: "日本語上手！”(You speak Japanese well) I will respond with one of the following:

あのううう、上手って何？(Uhhh... What's Jouzu mean?) This will usually throw them for a loop really quickly... as it's really difficult to explain and it's such a simple word that's heard over and over. it would be like you saying:

"Your English is good!"
"Uhmmm... what does 'good' mean"

Another way I'll respond (with caution)
たてまえでしょう？

This will both surprise them and really catch them off guard... so don't use this in a group with someone you don't know. You can embarrass someone... If they're older than you... it can be disrespectful, as well.

たてまえ (Tatemae) is the concept of showing face over raw honesty. Japanese often use compliments and give gifts to smooth over relationships. It's a cultural value. When someone invites you into their house, 9 times out of 10, they're doing it out of showing a welcoming spirit.

The correct thing to do (usually) is refuse and wait for them repeat the invitation one or two times... in addition to more welcoming body language/tone.

We do this in Western English culture too, but it's less defined as it is in Japanese.

We may say: "Come in for some tea" and then they say... "no, I can't stay" You say... no I insist." And they will usually restate that they really can't or take your offer.

Here, it's acceptable to say "I'd invite you in, but... [insert reason]" and that's perfectly acceptable. In Japan, THOSE kind of messages are "intimated" by the way they answer...

This translates well into the whole compliments scene. Many times Japanese will compliment you, especially when they don't know you, as a fairly genuine way of saying keep up the good work, a form of encouragement and a way to smooth over first impressions. It may or may mean that they're completely complimenting you. If you take it like that, and not that you're always getting a real compliment it's easier to understand how to answer.

If you sing and you're mediocre, a Japanese person may compliment you. This isn't meant to say that you can sing... but it's meant to encourage you not to give up. They're complimenting an aspect of your singing, perhaps.