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Living with japanese bf and his family 2011/7/25 02:24
i am going to japan for 3 month in order to spend some time with my japanese boyfriend. Till now i lived on my own, but now i have no money (i just come back from japan after 3 months of attending a language school in tokyo) so i'm saving in order to come back to my boyfriend from November. since this time i cannot afford an apartment in tokyo ( even if it would cost 500.000 yen a month i couldn't afford it because i have still only 3 months of work before the departure) i am going to live with him and his family (his father and his bigger sister). and off course i am willing to pay his father a certain sum of money. the house is in Saitama, an hour from tokyo. and not really big. but i'd like to pay all my expences (my part of the house's bills) and of course more because i'm a trouble (even if he says that there is no problem and that even to don't pay it's ok). i'm going to live in the same room with my boyfriend so i'm not going to occupy an entire room. Which is the proper sum to give them?
by jfad (guest)  

. 2011/7/26 08:41
even if it would cost 500.000 yen a month

I've seen rooms at shared housing for as little as 20-30,000 yen. If you can't afford that then maybe you shouldn't go to Japan.

Maybe it's different 'cause I'm a guy but there's no way I'm staying at a girlfriend's place for 3 months if she lives with her family. 3 days maybe but not 3 months.
by . (guest) rate this post as useful

... 2011/7/26 18:15
Indeed there is this question of whether you want to stay in your boyfriend's parents house for that long. And another question is whether the father will ever accept any money from you.

Just to give you a comparison, right out of university (years ago!) when I started working while living with my own parents still (my salary was not great that I could not afford to move to central Tokyo on my own), I started pitching in 30,000 yen a month out of my salary as a contribution to the household finance. That's coming from a young "working" person, though. If you say you have no money, I don't see any point in you agonizing over what you should pay - and (sorry to be blunt but) a tiny amount will not really help, even with good intentions. If the family is willing to take you in as if you were their family (already), they would probably refuse any money. In that case, you could help with cooking and chores around the house.

See what your boyfriend says?
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2011/7/26 18:56
he says that probably his father won't accept money, but i cannot think about living with a family wich is not mine, and don't pay them back at least my expences.
I've never spoke with his father, so he might be a little opposite, but since they're japanese whey would never tell me "no you cannot come" and anyway my boyfriend woulb probably never tell me that.
but my boyfriend is the kind of guy that says "i don't need your money" once, but if i say "yeah yeah, just take it" he accept.
but i don't wanna give money to my boyfriend , it's his father's house, i wish i could find a way to pay them back enought.
I know that there are beds for 30.000Yen but i'm going to Japan just to spend some time with my boyfriend so i always wished we could live togheter , but he doesn't work yet so i could never tell him "let's take an apartment", so we have found this solution..
by jfad (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2011/7/27 05:01
What are you going to do during the three months you are just going to be with your BF? Probably money is the least thing you should be concerned about. What if his dad and sister didn't want to have a stranger in their house? Are you going to take advantage of them as long as they don't show how upset they are? What if they did make it clear you were not welcome? Do you have a plan to stay another place or you are going to stick with your plan? Please level with them.
by . (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2011/7/27 05:08
i just got my degree in Oriental studies (Japanese) so i'm going there to find a job. i should take the Noryoku shiken and TOIEIC tests too (i'm French and my english is still so and so) so i'm planning about studying , and looking for a job going to visit many job acencies and variuos kaisha.
i cannot find a work here so i'm looking for fortune in Japan.
by jfad (guest) rate this post as useful

... 2011/7/27 06:25
another question relates to the living arrangement. will you be sleeping in the same room as your bf?

i slept downstairs when i first met my gf's parents. as much as they like me now, come the next visit, i will still be sleeping downstairs.
by jin (guest) rate this post as useful

rich? 2011/7/27 18:12
jfad,

I think the poster just wanted to point out that very few people in Japan can afford a 500000 yen apartment anyway. Either you or we are missing something :)

Either way, why not try to pay whatever you can afford. If they don't accept it, try to offer as much help around the house as possible, just as a good family member would.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2011/7/28 02:34
the problem is that i don't know how many yen would be a tipically one person monthly expence (gas, light, water etc) in Japan.
I'm thinking about giving them something like 20.000 yen a month, do you think it's enought?
by jfad (guest) rate this post as useful

I asked my BF... 2011/7/28 19:48
... and he said, probably offering money is not really the best idea. He said the living expenses for one additional person aren't that high, and that you should probably do housework instead. I think it probably depends on how much welcome you are by the rest of the family and what is their financial situation though...
I'd use your BF, to ask his family if they even want any money from you. I can imagine that if they knew you are on a tight budget while they have enough money, they wouldn't want to take the money from you...
You might think that just housework isn't enough, but I think that if you offer to really do as much as you can, it would be alright... If they have a bigger house, chores can amount up to several hours a day of work, and if you can relieve them of that...
by lin (guest) rate this post as useful

. 2011/7/28 23:08
jfad,

I know that there are beds for 30.000Yen but i'm going to Japan just to spend some time with my boyfriend so i always wished we could live togheter , but he doesn't work yet so i could never tell him "let's take an apartment", so we have found this solution..

Actually, I'm not sure if I understand. You can still rent a 30000 yen apartment for yourself and let your boyfriend come over. You'll have a lot more privacy than to stay with his parents. But...

I'm thinking about giving them something like 20.000 yen a month, do you think it's enought?

If you can't afford 30000 yen, 20000 yen will be all you can offer them anyway whether it is enough or not, so why ask.

This thread is getting too complicated for me. Maybe it belongs to the "Love and Relations" section, I don't know. This is as far as I can say. I have to leave this thread. Good day.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

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