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Propose. Ring or no Ring. Asking first 2012/2/21 09:52
Hello,

I'm an Englishman, and my girl is Japanese. She is currently in Japan, LDR.

I like to hear some views about marriage.

I know everyone is different, although I like to hear opinions, since proposing is such a big task, and not knowing too much about the culture, it's best to ask here.

First of all, is it best to ask the parents before proposing?
If so, doesn't that give away the surprise?

Second, ring or no ring?
I know she loves surprises, and so do I.
Although I know she doesn't trust my taste in fashion. So I'm a bit worry about buying anything expensive, especially a diamond ring, which will cost a lot.

To be honest, she always told me not to buy expensive gifts, and she is always worried if I do so. She even said "tell me if you buy anything expensive, don't want you to waste your money".

However, I know she would like to have something nice, and even pick a ring herself. But.... as I said, we both like surprises, and romance.

Therefore is it a bad move if I didn't get a ring? Maybe present an empty box and ask her to fill it? Or just the diamond inside, so she can choose the design (expensive part of course)?

what do you guys think?
by Ryu (guest)  

Re: Propose. Ring or no Ring. Asking first 2012/2/22 10:12
First of all, is it best to ask the parents before proposing?

No. First you should propose to her. And if she agrees, then (I am sure) she will advise you how and when to approach her parents better than any of us could.

Second, ring or no ring?

Ring!!! Whatever she may have said to you about not buying expensive gifts, I can guarantee you that it doesn't apply to diamond engagement rings.

Therefore is it a bad move if I didn't get a ring? Maybe present an empty box and ask her to fill it? Or just the diamond inside, so she can choose the design (expensive part of course)?

Yes, that would be a bad move. The empty box doesn't cut it either. The box with a diamond inside is a slightly better scenario (and more practical in terms of reselling the diamond in case things don't work out), but it's not a very elegant scenario. You should just take her to some department store and journey along some jewelry store "by accident" and improvise.

Good luck!
by SEA monster (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Propose. Ring or no Ring. Asking first 2012/2/22 15:34
My fiance and I talked about it for some time. If you really pressed me or her about how I proposed to her, I would have to admit that I didn't, traditionally at least.

However, more of out of tradition and respect, I did ask permission from her parents. There were really no surprises as everyone knew what was going on before hand.

As for the ring...I've gotten her input. She's given me her ring size and I've shown her what I'm looking to buy. She's not too fussed.

Surprises are great but for me at least, particularly with this subject, I want her input.

Good luck.
by jin (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Propose. Ring or no Ring. Asking first 2012/2/22 21:38
I do prefer the ring and surprise idea.

in fact I don't even want to take her to a jewellery store, which will build up too much of expectancy.

however, in my previous relationship, i did this, and it fell apart in the end, and left with a ring (which i still have). therefore i'm a bit hesitance about this.

but i have to admit, my previous relationship was a rocky road i went through.

this current one is brilliant in many ways, no arguments, and bond extrememly well.

hmmm...........
by Ryu (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Propose. Ring or no Ring. Asking first 2012/2/22 23:41
Ryu,

Being a Japanese woman for 50 years so far, I've never heard of a Japanese woman who appreciates someone asking her parents before he asks her to be married with him.

As for the ring, however, a lot of couples buy the ring after they promise each other to get married. If you want it to be a surprise, you can take her to a jewery shop without notice. Taking her there itself is the surprise. You can then take her to the side to make sure if she likes the shop or not. Also, a lot of couples do prefer to spend the money on other things rather than to buy the ring.

But my biggest concern is that you are asking these questions here. Perhaps you should get to know her better before you decide to spend your life living with her.
by Uco (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Propose. Ring or no Ring. Asking first 2012/2/22 23:51
Thank you for all your advices.

@ Uco

I don't think it's about "knowing her better". But knowing myself better, and trust my own judgement. Maybe it's wrong to post this here. But I do appreciate all the advices I'm getting.
by Ryu (guest) rate this post as useful

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