Meeting my Japanese boyfriend

Yes, I got what you say by writing "So if I buy normal apples non fancy pie crust and then say the cost of the ingredients is $300...get what I mean?"

And I really like it. Cause he -her boyfriend- or who ever might actually want to spend that sum of money and it might not be an issue. Maybe it's his standard.

I "like" saying that as I think that everyone is free to do what ever choice as for expenses, clothes, what so ever.

We don't know him, neither "we" internet people do know each other, but, yes we all like judging and saying that this or that doesn't work because maybe it doesn't work or didn't work for us. But still there might be exceptions to the happenings which "happened", sorry repetition, to us.

Internet relationships worked for some people, for others didn't. You like this, I like that. He spends this. I spent that.

By the end, of the day, its personal choice.

I know about your reply in the other thread. I seriously don't know why it was deleted.

Generally speaking, i see too much negative opinions on this site. Not related with you.
just generally talking.
Not so much help or understanding. Mere judging without knowing.
I don't "like" it, but again it's my "opinion" for what it counts.
which counts just nothing...-

To the OP, have a wonderful meeting with him!
may it work out ! like all other relationships
xx

I think many posters here are not being negative but just worried about her safety.

I, too knew by ex bf online through a social networking site...and I have made by great friends through the internet too.
But I'd also met perverts and jerks and I am very lucky that I am unharmed (mainly because I take precautions beforehand).

Many of us will be truly happy for her if everything goes well but what if she's one of those "statistics"? Should we blamed for not discouraging her enough then?

Everyone has their own opinion and I respect that but please don't be rude and shove it down the throat of others.
Just my humble opinion, no offense meant.

I did not know what "shove it down the throat" meant. There is no end to learning, I guess. Its nice. There is no end to learning and I truly appreciate it.

I checked and it means "to force someone to believe" something like it. My intention is not like it.

Its good to get different perspectives. Yes, perspectives. That's how I like to think of them.

Then its up to the one interested to take the "best" of them..-

If I had to invest my Yen or Cents in here, I would not get that much of profit. That's why I prefer to read and consider.

Its very rare that I come down to say my opinion..as I think not to be the holder of the truth or the ultimate knowledge about meetings, relationships.

As previously mentioned, I feel like there is too much, what to me sounds like judging, "negativity". Maybe its understandable. Who knows.

I guess there must be real broken hearts with Japanese ones.
It's a pity.

I think there is no recipe to make it work. We need to use our own "flavours".
I used mine, and if I had to share all of them coming here asking for advice, I believe .. people will try to "shove down" my throat that I am the most idiot of all.

As someone, very rightly wrote before, we should follow our hearts. At least, even if the outcome proves sadly to be disappointing, we've tried!
Preventing is also good. But not too much. Being too defensive also doesn't help.
A moderate attitude is healthy..with emotional outbursts, ups and downs.

Cheers

I like Jane. I like her a lot.

I agree with Jane as well. Thank you Jane!

Of course you agree with Jane. She's telling you exactly what you want to hear. That's what you came here for, isn't it? Nobody in the real world believes that you truly "love" this guy, so you turned to internet forums in order to find support. I get it. When I was 16 and 17, I had a couple of internet "boyfriends" who I "loved" too, and if I got to your level of infatuation where I was planning to meet them, I'd have wanted to have my foolish claims of love to be validated by understanding strangers too.

It's awfully simplistic and immature to label other posters as negative, just because their posts express concern, question the validity of this "relationship" and encourage you to be cautious and less naive. Also, as someone else said, it's rude to be disrespectful to well-meaning strangers who have way more life experience than you. Yes, yes, you've been through a lot and you say you're mature. But you have NO idea about what any of the posters here have been through, so who's to say that you're wiser than anyone else?

If you want truthful, honest opinions you need to be more open-minded and accepting of hearing viewpoints that differ to yours. The ability to do that is a sign of maturity in itself, incidently. People here have nothing to prove. We have no cross to bear. If we say we're getting a red flag warning going off you should at least properly consider that opinion.

Just for a moment, let's review....
You are 19.
He is 30.
He is a doctor.
You live in Scandanavia.
He lives in Japan.
You have never met.
He's coming to visit you.
He's said he's spent substantially more than what it should cost in order to visit.

There are a number of red flags there, honey. I'm sure you are a lovely girl, but it is very difficult to believe that he is genuine. Why would a 30yr old Japanese doctor be looking for a Norweigian teenager? I don't mean to be cruel. It isn't impossible, but it is one hell of a big red flag.

You need to prove your maturity to yourself and consider things more closely and if you meet him, you MUST take all the precautions that one should take when meeting an internet friend. Don't ignore voices of concern, for your own sake.

Apologies, I see you're from Sweden not Norway.

According to me it's very simple also to mark the red flags and try to forcefully find out what might be wrong in their relationship.

She is 19. It doesn't mean anything. She is already past the teen-moment. Maybe about to start University or-and think of new life ahead.

He is 30, so what?
Isn't he allowed to think of her as a dear friend, for the moment, who is he visiting ?

From the tone of the OP posts, it seems like he didn't propose yet, or made any dangerous attempt. It's just a meeting. From that, they, both will see what to do.

Majority of human beings might think that the fact alone that he is 30 AND Japanese and unmarried. He MUST be someone with hidden intentions. Oh come on!

Doctors have a very busy schedule and before graduating its a hell of a lot of studies. I am saying this as I am one of those studying in the medical area and didn't have much time to meet people or even think, sometimes.

Plus, she is Scandinavian, maybe a beautiful girl. He is allowed to be attracted to her, even mentally.

and budget wise speaking, some of my clients in Japan, who were doctors spent almost same amount of money for one week trip to Europe. I was also kind of surprised at that and asked why so much ? I was said, this is what the travelling agency suggested us. Period.

They didn't have even time to budget and think it was well deserved and normal to enjoy a one week trip over a whole year hard work.

In April, I went for a trip, just one week and spent almost four thousands euros. It was me and my boyfriend. -Yes, Japanese-
Its two thousand euros per head, NOT including flights.
I think its a matter of personal choice.

Of course, having said all this, be safe and meet him around friends, inform family, look at him, and...draw your own personal conclusions.

Let it be a happy ending or a new beginning

What's up with all the "show some respect" replies? As far as I can see the OP hasn't been disrespectful in the slightest. I think she's dealing pretty well with all those condescending comments masked as "good advice" people throw at her.

People warn her to be cautious of people she meets/interacts with online, but tell her to "show some respect because I'm much older than you" when they are also just random strangers on the internet to her. Seriously, how is she supposed to know you're not just some trolling teenagers? Rigid statements like "You two haven't met, he's not your boyfriend. What you feel is infatuation not love. I know because I was the same." don't sound like well-meant advice to me. Why don't you just show some respect to her first and don't assume you know her feelings just because you once were in a similar situation?

Also, she didn't say she was going to meet him alone. She is aware of the fact that they might not click in real life. She did take precautions, so please don't treat her like a stupid teenager in love. Respect works both ways.

Maya and Jane, Thank you very much.

For these people who come to the conclusion that he is 30 and probably a pervert that is into younger ''school'' girls you can set this out of your mind. We have talked for a looong time and never has he mentioned anything sexual! He already blushes when it comes to us talking about hugs and tells me: ''Oh, I am blushing.''

I do know NOT to meet him all alone like I wrote before. I will meet him with one of my good friends also.. we meet at the airport where there is many security.

I live together with my elder brother (26) who also knows I am meeting with him.. My parents know about him (his age and that he is japanese).

He also told me spontaneously that if we feel very comftarble together even after a year / or more that he wants to marry me and have children.. So he does is serious about our relation and so am I.

I do know I have to be carefull and keep myself in safety. When it comes to people telling me about japanese guys are good manipulators.. well I know many girls who have met western boys like that aswel. It does not only depend on someone's ''breed/race'' or whatever someone likes to call it. I have been brought up in a abusive family and learned that people can easily manipulate someone.. and yes.. I do keep this in mind as well.


I do not mean anything disrespectful and do take in the information/tips you give me though to me it seems that many of these tips and info are pretty negative even though they are ment well.

I will not change my mind into meeting him, No matter what happens I will learn new things trough my actions (and will take caution before I make my actions, ofcourse.)

Another thing,

What Jane said it true. Since he has studied many years to become a doctor he didn't have that much time for meeting people / dating. He told me this himself as well. It takes many years (atleast in Japan) to be able to become one.

Also I have proof that he is who he tells he is since on the official website of the hospital it has a picture of him with name, age and what he does.

Hollymoon

Do keep us updated after the meet-up. Hope everything turns up well!

I am about to have Starbucks coffee soon =).


Before going out I wanted to say "follow your heart" as it deserves. You know already to take precautions. "we" don't need to remind you.

As I was in your shame shoes, I feel like contacting you privately. Plus, you are located in Scandinavia, where I studies some time ago.
Today we happen to be country neighbours ^.^.

Thank you Bebegurl! :) I will!

@rora
I don't see how she's being disrespectful.
You came off rude by saying "He's not her boyfriend period" You want respect, put that in a better concerning phrase.

Anyway, I would love to see how thing goes after your meet up :) Good luck.

Maya and Jill,

She hasn't met him in real life and therefore he is NOT her boyfriend and what she is experiencing is indeed infatuation. Fact. Where in my statements was I rude?

And the fact that you deliberately select parts of my comments to attack, in order to fill the void of your own emptiness, is outrageous to say the least.

Make sure he keeps his promise to visit you.
Pay attention to his actions and not the words he is typing. After all, actions speak louder than words. Good luck.

Here is the other part of my comments you purposefully chose to ignore.

...it seems that many of these tips and info are pretty negative even though they are ment well


and this is exactly the problem, which meow has pointed out quite clearly already: everything the OP doesn't want to hear it will be labeled as "negative". Or in the other thread she would even call us jealous. WTH? nobody is jealous, we are genuinely concerned. why? reading back the opening post we could only go by the little information the OP gave: she's 19, just started dating a 30 year old doctor who's spending big money to come visit her. You really cannot blame us for putting our focus on these things. But noo, she comes back countering: i'm mature! i've known him for years! he's not like that! that makes things even worse, so she was even younger when they met online (probably 16-17? I'm taking a guess here) tell me what parent would let their babygirl hangout with a doctor? Would you date a teenager if you were 30 years old yourself? I doubt it. (for many reasons, you don't date a kid NORMALLY)

But fear not because there is Jane, who is ready to give blind support to these lost souls who fell for a japanese (while she basically knows nothing about the OP, but readily labels us a negative for being concerned? really, she must be the mother of naiveness or living in a fairytale wonderland herself)

It's a shame the OP/Jane now is only busy counterattacking people here. The very reason why this thread dies after a mere 2 pages.

@ reprazent - beautifully said. So eloquent and absolutely spot on.

Hi meow and reprazent :)

I just want to say that I mostly agree with you in many thread about relationships and blinded western j-pop fangurlz�`

Big LOL to all the story.

But I have to agree that when I will be 30 years old, if a 19 years old Scandinavian beauty wants me, I would not refuse. So is that Japanese guy. I understand him.

First of all, who ever said I was scandinavian? I might live there but was never born there + I have never been a fangirl for Jpop boys..?? so phil832.. what you are saying doesn't make sense to me at all.

I was 17 when I first started to talk to him and we have been just normal friends that sometimes chat and talk trough skype. Nothing weird with that.

Also you have no idea what my parents have told me about meeting him and I find it rude of you saying: ''What parent would let their babygirl hangout with a doctor?'' It's almost as if you are saying that my parents are bad parents which they are not. Though what makes me curious is that if you think that all 30 year olds that are dating someone that is younger are in the wrong..? Because I know A LOT of people that are dating/engaged/married and have a age gap in their relation. It all works out fine and they are very very happy toghether.

I never called you jealous Reprazent, I was reacting to the people who wrote in the beginning on Bebegurs thread.

Also since I am not a ''babygirl'' or ''kid'' anymore I don't find it weird dating a older man, everyone has their own opinion about this ofcourse no matter he is Japanese or not.

Another thing, Jane does know me a bit better since we chat alot trough facebook.

I am not attacking anyone, I am simply writing down my thoughts and the way I think of the situation.. that is what threads are for. :)

as for: the OP doesn't want to hear it will be labeled as "negative".

Well.. it's not positive the things that get pointed out are only the negative/bad/sad things that could happen. So that's called a negative way of thinking, maybe this way of thinking is good as well since I get tips on things that might happen or could go wrong etc. But I do like to think more positively as in that he might become the love of my life, best friend or just being able to spend a fun time.

There is always a risk that he isn't the person I liked when talking to him trough skype.. or that like a lot of you wrote is just into me since I am younger. I keep all these in mind ofcourse. BUT these things can happen even when you meet someone in real for the first time.

I have had experiences earlier with meeting people that I talked to online and have always taken precautcion.