Japanese can’t take compliments well?

@Harimogura omg it kinda does, but let me explain how I got there LOL

So anyway idk how the conversation went but it somehow landed with how I reminded her of kids and Dory (the fish). Mainly because I can be pretty childish and dumb lol. So anyway I told her that she reminded me of a vampire because she gets burnt easily and she didn't quite like it LOL. Like, she thought kids and Dory were cute but it's unfair for her because vampire isn't. So I told her that I'll let her know when something else reminded me of her, which eventually turned out to be a puppy after getting to know her more.

Daniel, I'm only going to speak from my own perspective because I don't know this woman or how she thinks, but this kind of thing from someone I have no romantic interest in is irritating. Like, I don't need or want to hear how cute I am, or that I'm like a puppy, from every guy I know, and probably all of my male friends understand this. So the obvious conclusion when someone does talk to me like this is that they are flirting. Maybe she is embarrassed, or uncomfortable, maybe she is loving it, there is no way to know and you probably won't get a straight answer out of her, only she knows. So I suggest talking to her just like a friend and see how that works, I think you might be pleasantly surprised.

Well said! Totally agree (as an Australian woman).

I agree with Liz, I can't speak as your friend, but I would find it slightly irritating and even patronizing. She may actually enjoy it, or she may feel pressured to play along with it to maintain an image. It wouldn't be a thing that would make me stop talking to a male friend, but I might roll my eyes and I would definitely assume he had romantic interest in me.

The previous posters make great points.

In my opinion, this looks exactly how many guys flirt. And in many cases this technique ends up with negative results, especially if you've already made it to the point where she has expressed real annoyance with you. Keep in mind that your behaviour is easily interpreted as flirting, even if it's unintentional.

@Liz, Vita and yllwsmrf
Thanks for clearing things up~ I actually thought that calling people cute may not be flirting, and depends on the context sometimes. But I guess it's still being seen as a sign. I sure hope that she didn't take it that way. Nonetheless, I haven't been using comment and it seems like the conversation didn't change much so everything's all good~

I'm from murica and even to me what you're doing sounds out of line.

I'm an Australian woman who has lived in Japan for three years and I think it's inappropriate to tell Japanese girls that they're 'cute' or 'adorable'. It's too direct and this directness makes women feel uncomfortable because they aren't used to it. It also implies that you're interested in her romantically. There are ways to compliment people without being so direct about it. If you are romantically interested in this woman I think you should gradually get to know her and build up a friendship before you say such things.

Some people have said that Australians are 'talkative, outgoing and unafraid to express their opinions'. While this might be okay back home, you are in a foreign country so you need to accept that things which are are considered 'normal' in your home country might be socially unacceptable here.

Japanese people will always react modestly to compliments because that's how they are socialised to respond. But it's still okay to compliment them, as long as these compliments are socially appropriate. Telling coworkers that they have talented children, they're hard workers, that they speak English well, that you admire their new shirt / hairstyle / whatever is fine. But telling Japanese women 'you're cute' is too much and comes across as arrogant.

I love giving compliments lol

You might not like what I am saying, but I know people who are your type. With all the good intention, they overlook the fact that many feel embarrass, or totally dislike receiving compliment, especially the "empty one". I am one of those who never comprehend people who habitually doing this.

@SeattleMick Thanks for letting me know that and I don't have to post time and again about me cutting down on compliments

@Jenn Jett Yep you're right. Especially on the directness part. I got it sorted out with her though. Honestly speaking, I didn't look too much into telling them that they're "cute" or "adorable" initially, partially because I've been told by them myself. I believe that's how they kinda interpret from "kawaii" because anything can be "kawaii" like items and such. Though the context is different in English.

build up a friendship before you say such things.
I don't say that to just anyone lol.

Japanese people will always react modestly to compliments because that's how they are socialised to respond.
I feel that this is more like generalization. Yes, in general they'd react modestly. But some of them are dorky enough to joke about it as well. Generalizing works but only to a certain point, that's not beyond personal level. You've probably forgot the fact that she's my friend and the way they act around friends and acquaintances are just like any others.

But telling Japanese women 'you're cute' is too much and comes across as arrogant.
I sure hope she doesn't take it that way

Thanks for writing down your thoughts. It's a great reminder and definitely good to know on various parts.

@* hm not at all. There are behaviors that I could never comprehend as well. It rolls both ways, which I'm totally fine by it. As long as people understand that I have no malicious intent, that's good enough.

A male friend continually complimenting a female friend and calling her adorable etc., isn't treating her like a friend, you're sending her romantic signals and she's reacting to that. This is not a cultural thing it's the same anywhere. Do you constantly praise your male friends too?

Among my Japanese friends it's fine to give the odd "normal" compliment, they take them and give them like anywhere else - but not "you're pretty, you're adorable" to female friends. That's what they want to hear from boyfriends and love interests.

Imagine saying to your male companions "Oh Russel, you're such a top bloke. You've got the best voice. Your arms are so strong" all the time, or at all. Of course you don't, it would be strange. She thinks you're coming on to her and you're making her feel awkward. Just stop it, or if you want to come on to her, ask on a date already and stop the friendzone rubbish.