Homosexuality and Japan?

Forgive me for posting on what is a positively ancient thread, but I just had to drop my two cents.

Above [numerous times] it is mentioned that Japanese Idols/Media Figures are often viewed as gay--or actually are gay. That these Idols are accepted for being gay. This is true, most Japanese Idols are accepted, be they gay or not.

The thing is, it is not the same for the everyday citizen, and it certainly isn't the same for a gaijin.

When someone reaches ''idol'' status in Japan they are often automatically forgiven for any and all of their faults.

I don't mean to be a wet blanket, but please don't expect the same treatment. While in Japan you will rarely witness hate crimes directed towards the gay community or gay citzens (or gaijins), at the same time, you don't see pride marches every other day--though they do happen from time to time in [relatively] small groups. I say this relative to American gay pride.

The best I can suggest (if you--as a homosexual--ever actually go to Japan) is to keep your head low, your voice even lower, and just look out for those who ''practice the same religion''. Once you find them I'm sure you'll find yourself a cozy little nook.

There are many values to be found in being discreet.

Ken Hirai (one of the top famous singers in Japan like few years) is openly gay and is known to hold hands with his partner.. although he was snapped by paparazzis.

Seems like he is still selling albums/singles very well :)

here is a good site for this topic
http://wwwsshe.murdoch.edu.au/intersections/issue3/mclelland2.html

as for what do japanese people use for gay, I've usually heard 'homo' but not so much in the negative sense. in japanese, they tend to shorten english words for things. like conveinience store is 'conbini'' . good luck if you go to japan. I'm gay, I'm going. I heard it's all right, though discreet. alot of gay men in japan, i've heard, also look for 'gaijins' because they're tired of the discretness they have to have with japanese men. at least, that's my impression.
good luck
lars

Homo sexuality it not really tht much of a big deal in japan if you gay your gay if your bi your bi once in a while you met be called a hentai (it means pervert but it can also be use for gay) mostly likely you won't get pull into an ally and be beaten up for being gay. In Japan you can be more open about being guy pop idols, movie stars, and wirters in japan have come out of the closet many a time usally it doesn't hurt there career heck sometimes it improves it.

Sure, in Japan people won't beat you up for being gay and there is no religious stigma like it exists in many countries but at the same time you can easily lose your job if your boss finds out about it and doesn't like that, and gay awareness is non-existent. Forget about gay marriage in this country.

hi. im living in japan now and going to a normal high school in the countryside. im gay and also curious about exactly what the japanese think about it. i told some of the girls at school that i'm gay, and then thought it was funny, but then don't know any other gays in school. i was told not to come out to the guys because they would avoid me by all means. being gay in japan is more depressing than in the US or europe I think.

I think it also depends on the people. A lot of my friends are English majors and have done a fair bit of overseas travel and as such, are more open to the Western world where gay isn't really all that out there. (I find in Australia, noone gives a shit if I'm gay) And so they really don't care cause they understand it more as a result of understanding Western culture. (Not that I'm saying gay is a western thing)

Hey everyone,
I'm a girl and i was just wondering... How about the girls?
Because i'm actually a biseksual and I can't really find anything about it... I'd like to know because i live in the netherlands and they accept being gay/bi here. (Or at least they say they do...)

Anyway i also think that if you're gay/bi the way people react depends on what kind of school you're in. My closest friends only know about it, but that's because i'm being bullied enough now without them knowing about me being bi!^^

Hello to the girl wondering about being bisexual in Japan,

I can only give you my personal experience. I am not bisexual... I'm a lesbian. I stayed in a homestay close to Osaka for two months, and fell in love with my homestay sister there (unfortunately, an incredibly charming girl my age). Foolishly, but in the end perhaps for the best, I told her mother that I liked her because I couldn't bring myself to tell this girl, and I couldn't keep my secret any longer.

When I told her mother, I was asked if I had a "big love" ... if I liked both men and women. I said I didn't think so, and at this point, my homestay mother became very upset and angry. She said that "that" (Me liking only other women) was a problem in Japan, and for her family.

After that, I suffered for a month in the homestay, with my homestay mother struggling to tolerate me but finding it impossible. I was forced to leave at the end of that second month.

You can take from this what you will, I suppose, but it seemed that being bisexual was more respectable that being a lesbian.

If anyone has any explanation for this, by the way, I would love to hear it. It was a horrible experience for me, and having just emailed my homestay sister one last time, now that she knows how I feel about her even now, she said that it was sad, but we must say farewell to one another ... cut off all connections.

Does anyone have an opinion on this? Is this standard behaviour? I miss her terribly, but of course can only do as she asks.

Karashi,

While I'm sorry to hear that your homestay ended up being an unpleasant experience, stop and think for a moment what the mother's reaction might have been if you had been a (heterosexual) boy telling the mother that you had fallen for her daughter. I personally don't think the reaction would have been that much different. I am assuming that you and the girl are/were teenagers, but you have to remember that the reason why homestays usually pair people of the same sex is because they are not supposed to be a starting point for romantic relationships.
But you learned a valuable lesson: that just because you have a crush on someone doesn't necessarily mean that the feeling is mutual. I don't think that is particular to any one sexual orientation.

I understand the a homestay is not meant to be the start of a relationship, and I understand why my homestay mother was uncomfortable. Given that she had only had a high school education and had spent much of her life in a small, closeknit community, I can even understand her brutality somewhat, but I do not understand why she seemed to be more hostile towards me because I only liked girls, and I don't understand why my homestay sister wanted to cut off all communication. I am friends with other people that I have liked, and other people that have liked me. I have never observed increased discrimination specifically because someone was a lesbian rather than bisexual. My understanding of the situation is that, because my homestay mother doesn't like me, doesn't think it wise to have any further contact with me, and that my homestay was a very traditional situation where my homestay mother controls virtually all of the family's affairs, the my homestay sister is not in a position to have anything else to do with me, because she cannot oppose my homestay mother. Perhaps I am mistaken, but this was what I was asking for an opinion on. So, if I were to be explicit, I would ask,

"Why did my homestay mother care about whether I was bisexual or a lesbian?"

"What normally happens between two people in Japan when one likes the other and their feelings are not returned?" For instance, I had heard from boy dating a Japanese girl that, after ending a relationship, the two individuals, in Japanese culture, do not speak to one another. In fact, his Japanese girlfriend found it odd that he was still friends with a previous girlfriend after they had broken up.

I hope this makes things more clear. I have already had many months to learn to see things from the point of view of my homestay mother, and can understand that she would be protective of her daughter, and that she could become quite cruel, as she did, in her efforts to protect her.

Karashi,

Obviously I can't speak on behalf of the mother or her daughter, but my impression from your post was that she was upset/angry because you had fallen for her daughter - not so much because you were lesbian per se. I don't think the mother's reaction was that extraordinary given the circumstances, but that doesn't mean you should interpret it as meaning that Japanese people all dislike gays/lesbians. As in most western countries, some people find the idea distasteful, and some couldn't really care less. However, if you decide to confess your love to someone of the same sex who isn't gay, then I think you should be prepared for rejection and possible revulsion - especially since the odds are 9:1 against you that the person isn't even gay to start with.
Rather than dwelling on your homestay experience and blaming the mother/daughter for not being more tolerant, put it behind you and draw on that experience to decide how you reveal your feelings the next time you next meet someone you fancy - which you no doubt will.

Actually, this is a topic I've been researching.
I think that what most of you are forgetting is that Japanese history is rife with homosexuality.
Originally in Japan, people were not considered 'hetero/homosexual' but it was the act of sex itself that was considered under these terms. They were not discriminated upon, and it was viewed as normal for a samurai and his apprentice to be lovers. It was considered honorable, and part of their growth as youth. Eventually it even spread into the 'social ranks' if you please and was not uncommon for a married man to have a male lover, or vice versa for women.
What the problem here is, is the interference of the West and quite frankly religious beliefs.
When missionaries started coming to Japan, they were quite rude on how they looked down on Japan's freedom of love, so to speak, and Japan wanting to appear as civilised as the foreigners claimed to be, caved and adopted their beliefs about homosexuality.

Though nowdays, it seems to slowly be reverting back to their original beliefs. I had a letter come the other day from a friend who teaches there telling me how all the boys in Osaka insist on holding hands, hugging and such in public and that nobody seemed to mind at all.
Maybe it's a city/prefecture thing, but I thought it might be worth adding.

"I also read that singers (like the wonderful Gackt) perform homoerotic gestures during concerts and live performances."

That's just fanservice to get the females in the audience riled up. It doesn't mean that the artist is homosexual.

My experiences in Japan are exactly what has been posted again and again on this thread. If you're a Japanese male, you keep it a secret and if you're a foreigner, you work even harder to keep it in the dark because unlike the US, they can fire you for for little reasons and it's easier to figure you for a false reason just to get you out of their way.

Now if you're looking at just being in Public, you just sorta keep it to yourself. If you go to a gay bar, you'll meet guys and you can go online and meet different ones as well but, let us say you met someone at a mall that you started talking to and became friends with, you wouldn't come out and tell them that you were gay right away, if ever because you don't really want them to get angry with you.

And it's not so much as to say that they are against homosexuality but you telling someone that you are gay, if they are the same sex, comes off as you comming onto them and that doesn't go over well in Japan just because you keep your love life private and you normally don't hit on people in public. If you do it's considered to be rather crude and rude.

But they do see it as if you're gay you're gay, just don't be loud about it, and keep it to yourself, just like a heterosexual couple would.

Japan is no different from Western countries. I live in North America and most gays don't go around publicizing that they are, especially the first time they meet someone. Usually at work, there is a gradual process. When you are in a new workplace the first thing is to prove that you are a good worker. We have gays and lesbians in my workplace (including managers). Some are obvious, others are not, and the discrete ones let us know little by little. One on my longtime staff--heterosexual-- and just retired, confided recently that getting to know all these gays/ lesbians at work made him realize that few "looked " it and that some were very nice and others were nasty just like the rest of the population. Our company doesn't allow any kind of discrimination and spouses and partners, including gays ones, are invited to the company parties. BUT even in North America you can be fired or discriminated upon for being gay except that it will be very hard to prove.

Perhaps the problem is not really and not only about your sexuality. There are cultural differences, big differences. Japanese culture is not like others. I think each culture should STOP JUDGING one another.. like British colonizers thinking they were superior ethically and culturally. Perhaps you were ignorant (not in a negative way.. just that you did not have a complete knowledge and understanding of a culture and a person, the mother). The Homestay mother was probably protecting her daughter and child from a "sexual" love and would have prefered to accept "big" love for perhaps ...all... men and women, like you would love mother and father, brother and sister, friends and every one. You were a guest in their home and accepted as family. Even if you don't have blood relations, some things are still tabu. Or the mother was just jealous/possessive of her child. Trust was broken. Trust is a universal concept but Japan isn't ancient Egypt where siblings could set up a family through "sexual" love. Your definition of love for your homestay sister wasn't acceptable, and continued to be unwanted (by the guidance of the parent). I think that even if you had confessed you liked the son of the family (western culture "heterosexual" scenario) the situation would still have been intolerable for the mother. By the way, there seemed to be bitterness about "traditional" Japanese mother in charge of the house, child, etc. Western culture still has housewives and now househusbands. People who stay home to take care of their families are doing jobs sometimes more complex than managers or presidents of a company and sometimes even doing a better job of it. I don't know any laws or religious dogma in Japan or some other eastern Asian countries (which are not influenced by Christianity or Islam since these religions are non-eastern Asian of origin) that prohibit "Western culture homosexuality". As far as I know a person's sexuality is their own business, but might affect family if sexual preference endangers having progeny to continue the bloodlines or names. I think the worst part of your Homestay was the rejection from the mother and daughter and the family(?) Not everybody is going to like you, no matter what your orientation or personality or appearance or abilities or so on. I wish you (Karashi) all the best in your quest for happyness :)