long distance relationship

Hey dave I thread a little of your thread. The first and the last page only so far, but I was suprised the first page was written so long time ago and the last pages post were very recent.

I'm curious about you and your girlfriends relationship, how it came to be and how you kept it together for so long, maybe the answer can be found in your thread, so maybe I should read more.

I'm afraid of our personalities, because we both are quite active and easy to fall for other people I'm afraid. At the moment we are so in love we can only have feelings for each other, but when we cannot be close to each other...who knows what will happen. We both agreed that we are afraid of ourselves to start to easily like other people...

Thanks for you words Dave, and a long deep talk like you mentioned about our future is really necessary, and we will have it soon...

No problem ^_^
As most people on here know I love to talk, and ask for advice. Most of the time I have already made up my mind about something but hearing others reactions is a good learning tool. I actually used to have another thread that was longer then that one! But it got shut down..for getting to far off point and odd remarks from people. But luckly the've let me keep my current one ^_^

Anyways the answers you seek about my relationship and how we've kept being together for so long can indeed be found in that thread. But I've got the time so I can sum it up for yah here.

Basiclly I met her two years ago on one of the many Japanese pen pal websites. I had put my name out there and after looking at a list of Americans she chose me to talk too. I already had about 10 pen pals who contacted me. But most of them left after only talking for about a month or two. But she stayed (my girlfriend) and enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed hers. At first we only talked every three days..but almost immeditly we started talking every single day through emails. I saw her picture and was crazy about how pretty she was. After a few months we finally talked on the phone..and I was hooked. She had a wonderful sweet, kind, caring personality ^_^ and she was pretty ^_^

Recently around December last year some guys were treating her pretty badily..it got to me..so I bought her a really nice Christmas present with the intention of asking her to be my girlfriend. Even though we had never met. I knew her soo well..and we had shared soo much together that I felt that close to her. But..in the end I got cold feet haha.

But thank goodness on Valentines Day I got her something equally as nice..and I did ask. She said the cutest "Yes" to me I have ever heard..^_^ and we have been happy together ever since. We just celebrated our first Anniversary about a month ago, and I just met her for the first time this Christmas and it was heaven ^_^ I'm going crazy wanting to be back with her again..^_^

But you want to know how we stayed together for so long? Communication! That is the biggest thing. We talk soo much so often it's like I'm visiting her house everyday so I can spend time with her. Of course nothing can compair with physical contact. I do miss being able to kiss and hold her extremly badly..but because we talk so much..and I can hear that sweet soothing voice it helps a lot. Also pictures are your friend. I've got a ton! I just love being able to see her a lot. So pictures are good for me. But as others will say "Trust" is the biggest thing. There will always be doubt. I am sorry to say on more then one occasion I have doubted her. It's hard not to do..she's extremly cute and I'm pretty average looking. But if I am worried about her or something I always tell her that I am. She tells me how I don't need to worry and why she loves me and then it's alright. She loses trust with me sometimes as well and I do the same comforting that she does. But this rarely happens.

But don't feel bad that you two are so easy to fall for others. Tons of people out there are like that. That's why most people say long distance relationships usually don't work. People need people. Someone to hug, hold, and kiss. Someone to feel the warmth of there touch. We need those things. That's why I always use the word "Fight" when keeping your loved one in a situation like this. Your having to fight with your natural instincs to want someone close by to hold.

It is good that the two of you have talked over how easy it is for the two of you to see others. This way it won't be as big of a shock if one of you strays. But if you are as much in love as you say you are..why not try? Ask her "Can you be fateful to me?" Do what I do. Everytime I see an attractive girl or when a girl comes on to me the first thing that I think of is..you guessed it my girlfriend ^_^ I think about her immediatly and how much prettier, sweeter, and understanding she is then this girl I just met and have only talked to for 30 mintues. Memories are a great thing! I'm sure you have made a lot with your girl. Keep those in your head and heart.

If you think it is hopeless and you or her will not be able to remain fateful for a long time..I'm sorry to say but breaking it off may be best..it is heck being so far apart for so long. Especilly when you hear her cry..I go insane when she crys..I can't help..all I can do is talk and thats nothing compaired to a hug and kiss..it's really really tough..so maybe you should just say a final goodbye.

But if she's too special and someone you could see staying with for many years to come then try. Be a man, be strong, fight to keep her! Think of it..as if you are running a marathon, and just over the next hill is a prize worth working hard for. The kiss and embrace of your love.

Well that does it for me..Hopefully some of this helped. I know some people will grown that I typed so much again ha ha. But as long as it helped you a little then it's all good. Keep me posted how things are going ^_^

Dave your lucky. As for me I won't be able to visit her for a while. She told me that I can be her boyfriend, but she does not want a boyfriend she won't be able to c everyday. We both made it clear that we like each other.Ti'll we can meet we just agreed to be good friends. Until then I guess I will just have to wait or tough it out. =( sigh

Ouch that was harsh I think..saying you could be her boyfriend but since you can't see her everyday she just wants to be good friends. Well..I think the reason it worked for me was because I didn't get her email address and immeditly ask her to be my girlfriend. We were good friends for a year. That's a long time to build a friendship (even thought it was just an email and telephone one) I asked my girl if I had asked her earlier then I did for her to be my girlfriend she would have said "no" to me. Since she didn't know me very well. But through talking every day she got to know me well enough and know that I cared about her to say "Yes" ^_^ She said she had been falling for me after about 6 months. But then she knew she loved me when there was a crisis in December. So pretty much at that point she would have said "Yes" to being my girlfriend.

I think another reason we work so well together is because..were extremly similer. Our attitudes, the way we talk, what we think about, what we think about each other. We are almost exactly alike. It's no surprise we always know what the other is feeling or thinking haha.

I know your feeling down g00gle. There are things you don't have to worry about, since a long distance relationship can be heck sometimes. It's tough. So at least your saved from the heardship of all that.

But I know it feels really bad not knowing your special lady isn't yours..espcilly if you had such strong feelings for one another. If she has made up her mind and dosn't think it will work there isn't very much you can do..if she felt more "ify" about maybe being able to pull this off then I would say talk to her. But she's made her peace with leaving you as a good friend.

If you wait..I'll wish you luck with it. But if you don't then it's good you moved on. Wich ever choice your heart and head tell you to do is what is best ^_^

Yeah it is harsh but then again. I always had bad luck in the area of relationships. The girl I like doesn't like me, The girl that likes me I don't like her, or The girl that I like that likes me back is an ocean away. I'm to preoccupied to be sad or broken up anyway, with nursing school and all. If I don't screw LOL I'll graduate by the end of this year. If were still keeping in touch by then I can just buy her a plane ticket to come here, and hopefully things might progress. So it's not completely hopeless

At least you can keep yourself pre-occupied. That always helps a lot. I'm jobless at the moment so all I have is time..and it drives me crazy haha.

But that's very confusing have a girl who likes you but you don't, a girl you like but she dosn't, and an equal like relationship that will end. Well..count yourself lucky that women at least like you. I can't get a girl to even look my way.

The only reason I have my current girlfriend is because she got to know me mentally first. Then she actually saw me and she wasn't to dissapointed. But thanks to her I've lost 50 pounds and have been working out. She says it dosn't matter what I look like..but..it's not a bad thing that I lost the weight and got more mucles haha.

So count yourself a little lucky that girls are at least intrested in you.

But as far as the one who has to leave you..yeah I guess just waiting is best..it's still a bumer though isn't it.

ok a bit off topic but hey, share with me a symbolic self pity drink... i know exactly what you are talking about... oceans oceans oceans ... awww better not think about it...seriously. you might be better off being friends than going through what i have to experience... sighing cheers

Yeah..there is a part of me that really wants to say it's better to not have to go through all the heart ache and hardship that is involved in long distance relationships..especilly when they fail.

But when love is so strong..it's hard to say "no" and not try to keep it at any cost..^_^

dave i did not mean that ldr is not worth it. sad smile sigh..

but for me at least it is that after one year i am so endlessly tired..know what i mean? i feel drained off my core. of course i/ we knew it would be hard but i could not actually imagine that hard really means every single second of a day... for me it is this way.

also without going into overcomplicated details, i feel like in a stupid hollywood movie sort of, because now that i manage to finally go to asia my guy has to stay exactly most of that time in europe.. no comment, crazy but it is true.

..oh please another round..(sad joke)

I'm a Singaporean studying in Hawaii and met my girlfriend who is a Japanese about 4 months ago and we were only together physically for 1 month in Hawaii before she had to leave for Japan, since then I have only seen her once during my Spring Break and will be seeing her again in another 22 days. I try my best to get a ticket to Japan every month so that we do not have to miss each other too much and that the memories of each other stays fresh. Before my last Japan trip, she told me that her mother did not approve of me because of my nationality, however we both really love each other and she argued with her Mum over me and tried to persuade her Mum that I was a nice guy. So I went to Japan and we stayed at a hotel near her work place, but one of the nights I had to spend at her home because of some reasons and I met her Mum. Her Mum immediately warmed up to me and when we both left, her Mum even told her to continue dating me for a while to see how things go. But after I left Japan, her parents now again told her that they disapprove of our relationship. I am confused but am very willing to try to win her parents over because I love her so much. She has been so busy with her work lately and we have very little time to talk to each other and she has started to get so negative about the relationship because our future is uncertain and her parent's are trying to get her to marry a Japanese guy who they know for some time. I do not want to push her or give her any pressure but I just can't accept giving her up. How do I gain her parent's approval? How do I make her positive? I can tell that she is tired everyday and I do not want to give her more stress. But I am lost now and do not know what to do. She tells me she still loves me and we do not want to break up, but the future is very uncertain especially since she is reaching her 30s and society's pressure is telling her that she needs to get married soon. Any suggestions are appreciated.

this is not about webcams'

but its relevant none the less i live in new york city and my g/f lives in worcester,massachusetts


we are only 3 to 4 hrs away but its soo hard 2 see one another because of our schedules...but in the end i believe we'll pull thru

i truly luv this girl..

Hi I was just browsing the netfor some kind of support for just this kind of thing. I've just meet and fallen in love with a Japanese girl while on a tour. Its been a little over a week that weve been in our own respective countries. I cant believe how distressing and painfull this is. Not only is the distance a problem but so is the language as I dont speak any japanese, she can speak passable english, We communicated very well while together but apart its so hard.

We are chating on line once a day.
She plans to visit me in a couple of months .

It would be helpfulll just to have someone to talk to about this.

Thanks everyone
John

Today my boyfriend leaves to Japan. He is in the Marine Corps and will be staioned in Japan for the next two years. We really want to stay together. If I could I would go with him, but I am leaving fo the Army in 4 months as soon as I finish high school. I'm scared of how we will stay together. He has been in the Marines for 6 months now and had only 7 days to come home before he was sent to Japan : (. He really wants to stay with me and he says he will write and call whenever he gets a chance.
I'm paranoid of the fact that I'm leaving and I don't know where I wil be stationed, and I have heard a lot of crazy stories of Marines being staioned in Japan...I need some help! www.myspace.com/mari7m

Hi there, My names Jason. I'm 18 years old & currently living in the UK, I'm not here to give an answer, just to share my experience with my wonderful fiance Katie.

It all started when one day
when I was bored late at night & I was playing in a game room called pogo, it was amazing as I didnt realise that people could actually come in freely & talk to you...
Anyway after a few nights I was there again as it was a pretty entertaining site & in popped a member. I was surprised & said ''HI!'' & it went from there really, I started concentrating more on her than the game & we got talking every night for about a week before I mentioned we'd talk on messenger. So we did that..
Gradually, day by day.. I became more & more fond of this what appeared to be ''trapped'' girl & I felt like I wanted to rescue her & run away. She felt like that as she was sent to a more developed school for more intelligent people & was basically only doing as her parents wished, so I felt pity for her. We both at the time had a low level of confidence as we'd had bad experiences with previous relationships & I'd pretty much given up on love & never even considered starting another. But this girl seemed different..
I was appriensive about would she be the same in reality & had a few doubts & I expect she did too but I couldnt help it, I'd fall for this girl more & more every day. We'd learn things about eachother that were so similar & she seemed so perfect ''the girl of my dreams'' after about a month of hard talking, I told her how I felt & burst out into tears & admitted that I loved her & she said she felt the same way & it made me so happy yet it was so hard as she was all the way over in america & we didnt know what to do.
We really wanted to meet but we knew her family wouldnt be too keen on it at all so we decided not to tell them until i came over at least. I told my parents but I'm a guy & I can take care of myself so they were pretty cool about it. So we set a date for 28th december & she pretended she'd stay at her friends for 10 days when really we stayed in a hotel & had the most incredible time. She was so perfect, even better in real life & so much fun to be with & I knew we'd last so I asked her to marry me on new years eve & she said yes!!!:)
the worst thing was her parents found out but greatfully not until the last night before I left so it worked out greta & we talked it over & they took it better than expected & now we're all friends & working on things together. The plan is that I will go over in may for her graduation & I am bringing her back to the UK & we will get married in august to make her elligible to live here, my parents agreed to let her stay here so all is well, its just money thats the issue really.
So I'd say I've been pretty lucky in my LDR & we have alot of support from others, obviously not everyone takes kindly to it or would trust someone from another country to come meet them but thats what is importnant, trust. If you see enough of it in that person I'd recomend you to go for it. It is hard work not to have the physical aspect, especially whilst young so you need to work at it, the most important things I think are patience, time, respect, trust, devotion & strength. If you have a good level of that & know your partner has, it will work out great like it is going for me at the moment. I'd say the only disadvantages are, I've had to give up jobs to get time off & also it is expensive to travel but if you love someone enough... you will do whatever it takes to get your sweetheart back :) good luck to you all & all the best!! thanks

I have same situation with you,my girlfriend is from Saitama,and she can easily come to China, it's hard for me to visit her. Her visa only worked 3 months in China,and left last week.I'm so sad.

Hi well right now i have the same situation im a phillipine gin living right now in manila having a japanese boyfriend living at aichiken japan i met him seven months ago when i had a the offortunity to visit my sister there.he was the most nicest guy i ever met i really love him so much and even thougth were far from each othere rigth now were trying our best to communicate in some ways.i know he his worth fighting for. just always make sure you always say or show to him how much you love him and i dont bilieve that japanese our sumitai there not...GANBATE!!!!!FOR BOTH US

My boyfriend of over 1 year left a few months ago to go to Japan. We had a solid, strong relationship and I was confident that we would remain together. In the first month, he was all loving and attentive and his old self. Before I knew it, the I love you and the I miss you messages stopped. He suddenly got really cold and distant and I tried to hold on. I was the one putting in all the effort and he kept withdrawing further. I got so frustrated and it was so painful that I finally broke it off. You could tell that this is what he wanted all this time. So I wish you all the luck because we were planning a long future together when he got back in a year. Well I hope what has happened to me won't happen to you. Like Matt said:
I wouldn't wish this on my enemies, so good luck, be strong, and most importantly communicate as much as possible.

I made a mistake and broke it off with her because the LDR got too hard. Now I wish I had not said goodbye cause I miss her. Now she does not even want to talk to me.

ldr works only if you have a plan to live together in the (near) future
if you are sad now , maybe you are happy later , so never despair and make efforts for it and if ever it was really hard , it will be time to move on otherwise lets the future make you together !
one thing to say it depends on your ability , patience and luck !

As many people here I come to share my story and maybe get some advice. I started a relationship with my Japanese boyfriend in Late December, actually he was my X'mas present. He is Japanese and was staying in my country only till the beginning of March, so he left almost a month ago. He'd asked me if I had a webcam and skype and all that, I was never very good with computers but got all that stuff just to talk to him. Well, we haven't used it though and he sometimes is days without saying a word to me. I get desperate not knowing of him. It's been 4 days and I have doubts about his true feelings for me, if he really loved me wouldn't he find a way to speak to me? However busy he may be? He is starting University soon but at this moment I don't think he is busy and I think he'd have time to write to me. Last time we talked he said he loves me, but I have my doubts. I'd do anything to talk to him everyday. I was planning to go visit him soon, but now I don't know...