Do Japanese say "I Love You"?

Japanese say I love you.(_)I say everytime because I love her.

I'm an American man who is deeply in love with a wonderful Japanese woman. We've been dating now for about 2 years and, in my experience, Japanese do not normally say "I love you". The only time I've heard it was in response to when I said it first . Even then, it never really sounded sincere, it sounded more she was saying something that she felt like she had to say just for me. I appreciate it but I致e come not to expect it that often. Still, I致e never once suspected that the love I was being given was not real or true. To the contrary, I believe that Japanese are very affectionate. I feel more deeply in love with this woman then I致e ever felt before in my life.
The Japanese have a phrase they use to describe unspoken communications between people who are very close: 妬 shin den shin�. I believe it means 賭uiet understanding�. The best explanation that I can give is that it describes a method of non-verbal communication between two people who have become very close to each other. Also, it does not happen overnight, it takes a lot of time and a lot of interaction to achieve. And, it痴 an on-going, never ending process between the partners. Maybe some of our other Japanese readers can give a better explanation. It comes more naturally for Japanese then it does for Western people. We Westerners do most of our thinking and expressing out-loud.
As for your question about meeting the parents � wow. That seems a little strange. Years ago, in Japan, it was not uncommon for the wife痴 in-laws to move in with the husband and wife. Also in those days, it was not uncommon for the mother in-law to play (or try to play) the role of 電ominate homemaker�. There were often criticisms leveled at the wife from the mother in-law and there was often (quiet and polite) friction in the relationship between the wife and mother in-law. My first thought was that maybe your wife grew up in house like that and she wants to avoid. Beyond this, I really can稚 contribute anything new to the question.
So, now I could use some help. When I met my true love I was living in Japan. We were together for a year before I had to come back to US. We致e kept the relationship alive, I致e been back a few times and she痴 been here a few times, and now we are talking about getting married. She would to come to the US, I would bring her over on a K1-Visa. My biggest fear is that she would find US life really difficult to adjust to, she would become lonely, homesick, and want to go back to Japan after a new months. Can anyone tell me about their experiences with this? I really do not want to ruin this woman痴 life by making her live someplace where she will be miserable.
Thanks� Suteebu

Hey. I dont think i can help you that much but i suppose it's better than nothing. I am a high school student so i obviously dont have much experience. anywho, i think your wife will be definitely sad about leaving japan. However, as time progresses, she'll learn how to enjoy life in another country. She'll probably meet japanese ppl nearby. And you guys can always take a vacation to japan once a year or something. My sister (japanese) is married to a man from the United States. They are currently living in California and she is loving it!! hope all goes well!

Their is no comparison with a ficticious race such as the "vulcans" on Star Trek, (sorry I am a huge fan ) and that of a beutiful race with a history dating back thousands of years ( very much like Vulcans, similarities are endless)but to my point. Like Vulcans I think they are misunderstood, it is not a lack of emotion, they are sentient beings, they feel! it is the control of them, that they have mastered so in essence they feel just as deeply and maybe even more so. Just becuase you do not say it verbally does not mean you do not feel it, and uttering I love you a million times a day diminishes a words power, and oh are words powerfull, a single word can Kill, Heal, and connect one another, and uttering the same word daily, many times a day will cause it to loose its worth.
Arigatou

I am fortunate to be biracial & bicultural (Japanese mom/African American father celebrating their 41st anniverary this year. I was born in Japan & moved to U.S. at age 12. I am now a college professor in the midwest.

As far as I know, the term "aishiteru" is used in reference to romantic love - not the same as the emotion (westerners call "love") one has for dear family members. There is a conotative difference. Indeed, remember this is a culture where kissing lip-to-lip (no matter how chaste) may be perceived as a form of foreplay.

My mother is westernized enough now that she is quite comfortable with exchanging "I love you" with me at the end of our phone coversations. Indeed she indicated a sense of relief to have a way to articulate her feelings for us (her children).

However, I would NEVER say "I love you" that to my maternal grandmother despite the fact that I feel the utmost love and respect for her. What I would communicate instead is how important her good health and well-being is to my own happiness...a sense that she is cherished.

Hope this helps!
Lisako

"Do japanese say I LOVE YOU?

sometimes NO, sometimes YES... but when they say... "SHIAWASE DESU YO, SHIAWASE YO, ANATA KEKKON SHITA KARA UKATTA YO, ...
it means she/he loves you very much more than you ever know.

i have been with my japanese boyfriend for more than 1 year and i know that we truly love each other. he does not say it anymore except when i ask him. i learned from this tread that i should no longer ask him and feel it instead. however, what if his feelings change? what then? will i just wake up one day and get the shock of my life to hear that he does not love me anymore when i thought that he did? do japanese have a concept of ''loving less''?

I am an Australian with a long-term Japanese girlfriend. In my experience, my girlfriend hasn't said the words 'I love you' directly, but through e-mail or gift cards. She does say 'daisuki' on occasion. If I say either of the words, she is unlikely to respond unless I prompt her.
Aishiteru (not sure if it is correct spelling), she says, is something too personal and perhaps embarrassing.
I have become used to her not expressing her love in words, but always feel wonderful when she does. And as some people have said, the love is often expressed in other ways.

my fiance says I Love you. the japanese way to say it is, a shite mas. I think that she understands what the word love means and is comfortable saying it. But it is a fact that Japanese don't say, ''I love you'' to their partner.

There is not big difference among the basic human emotions all over the world. If you can be dead in place of her/him, it must be called a real love from the North Pole to the South Pole, like the play Romeo & Juliet.

Why Japanese did not often say aishiteru was a matter of the language history. They began to choose these words when the Western literatures have been translated into Japanese since the late 19century when the Japanese Westernization got started. In the primitive Japanese, there is no accurately equivalent word for LOVE but many similar words which expressed the simple honest affections. Then, Japanese adapted the Chinese character AI which originally connoted sort of philosophical and abstract moods to Japanese at that time. It must have sounded fresh and cool on translating the mysterious foreign literatures.

I did not say to my partner I loved her, neither did she. Do not get me wrong. We are not lonely at all. If I did, she might start to doubt whether I had an affair somewhere. LOL We had better not start what we are not used to, though it is another story if she asked me to use the NEW words which sound kind of exaggerated snobbish and bookish to me. Frankly, I will be ashamed to death as if I became a ham. But our case does not necessarily seem to apply to the very young generation, especially girls influenced by the Western soap operas or romantic movies. The language changes as the time changes. Have a happy life with your partner anyway.

My Japanese boyfriend may not always say that he loves me, but he tells me that he is thinking of me all the time.I reckon that that is enough for me.

you should learn japanese to speak to your wife and i am interested to know why japanese people don't say 'i love you' to their spouse and in our culture we say 'te amo" in spanish and i think you should say it in japanese.this is all.a friend

Does it really matter if someone says, "I love you"? Or is it better that their actions show their love for you every day?

Someone could say, "I love you" and betray you, anyway.

As previously mentioned, a lot of non-verbal cues are evident to those who pay attention.

Steve--it is kind for you to be concerned about your gf and not wish to ruin her life.

That said, if she decides to be with you in the US, there are ways to ease the transition.

Is there a population of Japanese people/culture close to you, i.e. LA, SF, Seattle, NYC, DC, etc.? Even if you are not close to those cities, you'll be surprised that there are pockets of Japanese people almost everywhere.

Also, encourage her to mingle with the Japanese Americans. Some speak Japanese and it might ease her into American life. At least, they'll look like her. Social events will usually have some Japanese food with American food, she could find out where to buy groceries, other items, etc.
They might follow Japanese customs, especially at New Year's--a time when she's highly likely to be homesick.

If there is a Japanese Buddhist temple (except Soka Gakkai), they are more likely to continue Japanese traditions such as bon dance, mochitsuki, etc.

Good luck to you.

Hi, I am 26 years old female from one of South East Asia countries. I love a Japanese guy who is 2 years younger than me. But I am not sure he likes me or not. Do Japanese guys like the woman who is older and more educated than them ?

One Japanese guy is now trying to win my love. He phones me very often to go out for shopping together or something like that. Although I refuse his offers many times, he hasn't given up yet. But my guy, the one I love, didn't do anything to be close to me. Subconsciously I know he is interested in me. He gets too shy or he really dislikes me ? Do you have any idea about my story ? By the way, sorry for my funny English. :)

kaori

I'm a Japanese man. Maybe your boyfriend is very shy, so he can't tell you how he likes you. H's surely waiting for your messages or actions. I suggest you'll tell you that you really loves him. Then everything will change.

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. But we are not boyfriend and girlfriend. I want to let you know about the situation in detail.

Our story is while we were here together, when I gave some sweet food stuff like candies or chocolates to him, he accepted them before. But later he denied to accept them. So I explored the reason why he said No. He gave a pretty explanation to me that " there is no give and take between guys and girls. It is Japanese culture. " But he gave me a chocolate ( only once :( ) and a present from his home town ( omiyage ).

He is now apart from me. He moved to another city for job. I know his msn , phone no and email address. But I don't dare to get in contact with him because of his words.

In his birthday, I sent Happy Birthday message to him in msn. He chatted me stating that he wanted to come back to school for further study and he is not happy in his work because his company is running in an old fashion. To my misfortune, at that time he lost online status for a while. After he came online, he didn't continue our chat. I was waiting for his ' hi, I was disconnected. Let's continue our conversation ' . But he didn't try. I didn't try either.


I tried to get assumptions from our story. At first he accepted my sweets because at that time he thought I was simple to him. After noticing that I am interested in him, he denied to accept them. If he really liked me, he could continue our chat after he got online status back. But he didn't. It means he dislikes me.

When I asked his best friends here, they even don't know if he comes back to school or not. So he told only me about that ? It means he likes me ?

Hmmm.. I am confused. :( But I swear I really love him. But I don't dare to contact with him. I am also shy. I will wait for your constructive suggestions. :)

Kaori: I think that you are doing the classic mistake of trying to interpret things too much instead of finding out for real. The best way to find out what he feels is to tell him how you feel and ask how he feels in return. I know it is hard when you are shy but if you don't try then it may never turn into something.

Gambatte kudasai!

Hi, your suggestion is greatly appreciated. Whenever I tried to guess his feelings towards me, I am always confused. In south-east asia countries, if girls express her feelings to guys before he does, it is bad. I don't understand about Japanese culture. Japanese girls used to do that ? If yes, I want to try.. hehe.. But to be candid, I am really shy to say ' I love you ' to guy. And if he said Yes, it is no problem. It is worth for my adventure. But if he said No, even friendship between us will also be lost. How can I say ' I love you ' to him indirectly ? How do Japanese girls express their feelings to the guys they love ? Please teach me. おねがいします! :)

This is when it is really difficult to be female!

Maybe it is too soon to talk about "love". Maybe it would be better to ask him, "I wonder if you have ever thought that we might become closer friends?" or "I am hoping that we can stay in touch and see each other more." That expresses your interest without being too overwhelming, I hope.

Although I have said similar things to gentlemen in the past, I have not said them to Japanese gentlemen (I am American). Even so it seems to me a Japanese man might be like an American man and find that a sudden mention of "love" when you have not been boyfriend and girlfriend could be startling. How about men in your country?

Among our country guys, if a girl gave a hint to them, they ( including others ) will think of her personality is going wrong. I mean .. the guy will think if she expresses her feelings to him without waiting for his start, she can easily do that to other guys also. She can betray her boyfriend any time. But among young generations, girls give some meaningful ‘ look ‘ that guys can understand consciously. If the guy hasn’t tried even he received these ‘ looks ‘, it means he doesn’t like her and thereby she has no more chance. If she daringly takes a next step, he will think that she has no value. So even if a particular girl loves a guy like her soul, she will hide her feelings and she won’t let him know… never ever... I came from such environment. So I dare not to start. Japan is one of the Asia countries so I think that the culture will be nearly same.

And I heard a dialogue in a western movie. Mother gave the following sentence to her daughter. “Don’t wait for a guy’s call for your whole life. If he really likes you, he will try to close to you using every possible ways. ” It is just a movie. But these sentences are still in my memory.

I had an unforgettable moment with him. That is when I confronted him that why he tried to set aside me from his other friends, I was nearly to cry and by the time I was so so sad for his ignorance. He held my both hands and shook them and said “No..No “. At that time I saw that he was really worried for my tears. (Maybe every gentle guy doesn’t want to see the female’s tears.) He was not good in English. He found a word in online dictionary and he pointed to this word “Culture”. Among my Japanese friends, the one who helped me the most is him. I am not sure the reason he helped me is that I am foreigner and his type is kind Or he likes me. But before he moved to another city for his job, I heard his some phrase to a girl on phone. “ xxx Chan ….Kawaiina ..Kawaiina “ These words made me sure to hide my feelings. Although I am longing for him that much, at this time he has already had a girl friend in his city.

Thank you so much for your contributions and any help greatly appreciated. :)