I can only laugh now...

I know this sort of thing has been discussed before but i just felt the need to bring this up again..

I went on a trip to Japan at the end of last year and arranged to meet a girl i met on here. (Purely for friendship and good times i might add).

We initially met and had a drink together for a few hours and discussed each others culture etc, we had an enjoyable time. I was only in Japan for a week so we only planned to meet up once but after the first meeting i think we both felt comfortable enough to decide to meet up again soon after to go for something to eat and go to a concert.
We went to the concert, she even came back to my hotel room (no pressure from me, her idea) where we chatted more and generally again just had a nice time relaxing and exchanging life stories etc.

Anyway after that night we chose to meet up once more before i had to get the train back to the airport, where once again we chatted, she told me a lot about her family (some things that i thought would be quite personal to just tell a complete stranger) so i knew we were getting on well and she felt very comfortable with me.

After our goodbyes, we arranged to meet when she would travel to my country this month. (I already knew about her travel plans before we met).
When i got back home, i emailed her some music that i promised i would (because of similar interests)....then, suddenly...no reply...

I emailed her a week later, again....completely ignored lol.

I texted her just last week asking her what her final plans were for when she arrived in my country, but yet again, no reply, even though i saw on iMessage that she read my message instantly after i sent it!!

I just don't understand why all of a sudden i'm being ignored when we got on so well. We had only arranged to meet once but ended up meeting a couple more times. I just can't help but think i was just being used as some kind of free English teacher. I definitely didn't get that impression when we were talking, she seemed genuinely interested in me and where i came from.

I know there's a thread already on this and why some Japanese are like this but now that it's happened to me too i'm just struggling to find the logic in ignoring me all of sudden. I'm not looking for romance and know that i never made her feel like i was. Of course i know i sound quite cut up about this but it's mostly because i've never experienced this kind of thing before! I thought i had met a very nice girl who i would keep in touch with for a long time...

Can any Japanese people on here shed some light on this and why some Japanese act in this way?? Is it just the younger generation??? (she's 22)

Even if she said beforehand that she was looking to meet someone English to practise conversation i wouldn't of minded!

Apologies for my ranting, i just had get it off my chest...i still can't believe it!

I don't think she was looking for an English teacher. Maybe she was the one looking for potential romantic partner (which she did not find in you, though very nice as a friend), or she simply found a female companion to travel together to your country with. She liked you, she liked to be with you, but that was that.

When they don't know how to explain things, or when they don't want to, some people just, well, end it by not replying.

that is, we say, "lip-service". (I don't know this word is a Japanized English or not. you may understand the meaning easily.) if she has an intension to go to your country, the FIRST reaction should be given from her.
Japanese boys do not believe the Japanese girl's words simply.

I guess you misunderstood her thinking.
she might have told you her wish.
most of Japanese (including me) can't suitably use the words; hope, wish, desire, want, be willing to, and so on.
all these words are translated into similar meanings in Japanese.

you said she is 22. this means she is a student or she has a job. if so, it is not easy for her to go out of Japan. even if she currently has no job, she may be nervous to go abroad alone.

What she said might be her "lip-service". (I don't know whether the word "lip-service" is Japanized English or not. You understand the meaning.) Sometimes(or often) Japanese women speak the words which make the conversation partner feel happier. We must be wise enough to know her true mind.

I do think that it is more the western need for closure and answers that causes the feeling of being ditched out of the blue for want of any better way of putting it. It can happen in the west also so I don't think it is a unique feature of Japanese people either. It is probably more common because of the culture in not wanting to cause trouble or maybe face having to say 'Thanks but this doesn't work for me.'

Ken. Lip service is a correct expression in this case and good English. Kind of says also that this sort of behaviour is certainly not restricted to young Japanese at all.

leave it already.

People who are justifying this hedious immaturity are strange too.Cant you people see she met several times which she could avoid altogether if not interested.I have been also been put in such situation several times by both male and female japanese.They show over excitement makes plan says thank you a thousand time and would like to meet again and again then they suddenly start ignoring.I dont take them seriously anymore that's why.Most of time they dont mean what they say.

It is very funny when you read this kind of stuff; you can only laugh until it happens to you. At the same time this is very sad when you really want to make a good friend.

Having said that, you said you �gI went on a trip to Japan at the end of last year and arranged to meet a girl I met on here.�h I would like to know�c
1) Was your trip to Japan a trip you always wanted to take?
2) Was the trip to Japan to go seen this woman?
3) Was your trip to Japan a trip you always wanted to take but somehow change after you arranged to meet this girl?
4) Was your trip to Japan a trip you always wanted to take, that you take but during the trip you wanted to kill two birds with one stone and made a small change to meet up with your pen pal.

Because you said you meet her on here before going to Japan, it seem like to me your trip to Japan was to meet her and during your free time without her you went did your sightseeing.

You were aware of this problem but yet ended up burning yourself and I think in your head you played all this out differently in your head. For her, I don�ft think she played you, I think she weeded out her opinion after you left Japan and thought its best to be realistic and to move on and I don�ft think she did not use you as a English teacher.

Finally I have to say this. Pen pals do not last for long, for some people who are lucky enough to have pen pals for a long time they are the lucky ones. But overall, in my opinion pen pals do not last. I realize this before traveling to Japan month and luckily I pick up on this before going out there.

i have to agree with sean "dont take them seriously anymore that's why.Most of time they dont mean what they say."

Ken is right it all at time mostly just "lip service"

there a lot more i would like to say but im not going to continue.

Thanks everyone for your opinions, appreciate the replies.

Sean, i think you're right, at least i've learnt early on now not to get my hopes up with new friendships in Japan and i'll definitely take your advice on board.

SeikoSKO, to answer your questions;

1) I have been to Japan once previously to Tokyo and loved it, i travelled alone but had a great time. I just had to go back and i did last November. I've always had an interest in Japan, Japanese and Japanese Culture from a young age. I will now follow this up with a 6month-2 year study in Kyoto from July. So i guess my story was also to gauge whether i can typically expect this type of behaviour to occur often.

2) No, i left a post on here before my trip to say i was coming to Japan which the girl in question and a few others responded. I had some free time while over in Japan so thought i would make use of it by meeting up with new people and hopefully make some friends. The outcome of how well my meeting with her went had no bearing on how much i was going to enjoy my trip, just a bonus..

3) We had a great time whilst i was over there, even after i got back to my country, the experience didn't tarnish the way i think about Japan. I supposed it just opened my mind up a little about what i expected of Japanese people and what actually happened..

Like the other guy who started a similar thread on here, i'll just stick at it when staying in Japan longer term and hopefully some friendships will eventually stick. Maybe i'll get better at 'reading the air' so i can pre-empt if someone is just going to ignore me further on down the line! Ah well..

If anyone's got any similar experiences to my story i'd be interested to hear them.

She got bored, got a bf, got busy, whatever...
The possibilities are endless.
Don't take it personally.

Based on my experience, Japanese people very lovable and kind in the first time meet until he/she get bored because he/she doesnt know what to talk again and will leave you like you are nothing.

So when you foreign and visit japan for holiday or short trip please beware "Don't ever falling in love with them, if you not ready to be ignored after"

she came into your hotel room and you did nothing

then she never messaged you again

GEE, I WONDER WHY SHE IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN YOU??

you may want to double check that your junk is still attached.

she stopped messaging you because she gave you an opportunity to have sex and you completely ignored it.

i bet you that if she ever messages you again it will be in approximately a month, or a little less..

Yeah...she comes up to your room and you bore her to death with personal tid bits rather than showing her a good time...I wouldn't ring you or answer your messages either. You had you chance and you have blown it....She moved on to another playa that plays the game better than you dude.

Strike while the iron is hot...make hay while the sun shines...never look a gift horse in the mouth, so says Big Ed The Talking Horse!!

By the way...you don't still have her email address do you? Big Ed knows when to talk and when to workout :0