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Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 07:28
Hello,
I am currently a student at a local community college that I just transferred to this semester. To my surprise this school has a LOT of international students, particularly from Japan. My first day of my ethics class (I'm only on campus Tues/Thurs with a night class on Weds) About ten minutes after class starts a cute blonde-haired Japanese girl comes in and sits down. I couldn't keep my eyes off her.
Eventually I work up the courage and 2 weeks ago after class on Thursday I talked to her while she was walking out of the building (we were both going the same way). Her friendliness surprised me. Last week on Tuesday after class I asked and she gave me the number to her prepaid phone. The next day I texted her but it was difficult for her to text with that phone so she added me on Facebook and we communicated via FB messages.
We didn't have class the next day so during that time I sent her a text out of boredom but she didn't reply. However I ran into her in the library (she apologized for missing my message) and we ended up talking for awhile until I had class and she had to go. I really felt that we had bonded and I realized that I was really interested in this girl. We seemed to have mutual interests, she answered any question about Japan that I asked(both my sister and I have a bit of a fascination with Japanese culture) she laughed a lot and she even tried to show a Facebook picture of her in traditional Japanese dress, makeup and everything(it wouldn't load) because she said that people find it to be a beautiful picture of her. So as we were walking out I apologized for distracting her from her work and she said it was ok she enjoyed talking with me. I told her I enjoyed talking with her too and asked her if sometime she'd like to go out for dinner or coffee or lunch or something and she said yes.
After I got out of class I went to go wait for a friend and I ran into her again, so we talked and she even brought up a couple things from our earlier conversation. When it was time for me to leave I told her I'd text her sometime.
I messaged her the next day(I know that was probably a mistake) and she didn't reply for a few hours so I texted her phone, again nothing. She didn't message me back until today(Facebook even said it wasn't seen until today). I replied to her message and it says she hasn't even seen it after 5 hours.
Added to all this I'm relatively certain she either has a boyfriend/gay best friend/ Guy friend she's really close to because there's a bunch of pictures of them on Facebook.(yes I Facebook stalked her a bit)
So that is my situation, I'm just wondering if anyone here could give me a little insight. I would absolutely love to get to know this girl better, and preferably date her. However I feel we could be friends if dating isn't and option. I'm just confused and wondering how much of this is just dating/personal relationship culture clash and hoping for some advice some advice on how to proceed coming from people with an understanding of Japanese culture.
Any help/advice would be appreciated.
by RMAN  

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 11:05
I'm sorry to say this, but if you have any romantic interest in her, you'll never see her as a friend and will always wonder about her in a romantic way. I don't think you'd be able to provide an unbiased response to any question she may have about relationships, though I doubt she'll ever ask you-that is more for girls to ask other girls.

Just take it easy and get to know her. If she has a significant other, then there's nothing to do except get to know her in a platonic way. Look at her as a person, not a potential love interest. If it happens, then great. If you fall for her then you're setting yourself up for disappointment.

I know it's a stupid tautology but, if it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Hope things work out for you, but don't force it or appear too eager.
by John B digs Japan rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 11:32
Update: I am 95% certain that she is not in a relationship with that guy because I am convinced that he is swinging for a different team.
John, yeah you're right about that. I guess I'm just a little worried that my more straightforward dating style might scare her off.
by RMAN rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 11:37
Defiantly agree with the guy above me! Just chill back and let it pan out... And at the same time play hard ball! So don't reply to her messages for a day or so.. or even ignore her... To get her thinking "why hasn't he replied" because that will increase their interest. Do not bend over backwards for her either... Just get to know her for now!
by KNGRX3 rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 12:09
I am 95% certain that she is not in a relationship with that guy because I am convinced that he is swinging for a different team.

I wouldn't be so confident in your assessment, unless she has said something that specifically confirms your suspicions. The line between gay and metro can be very difficult to distinguish for those not accustomed to Japanese culture.
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 12:55
To the guy above, that's what I was worried about but I've seen some pictures of him dressed as a witch with painted nails for Halloween, and another costume as a schoolgirl, and one more of all the other international girls around him in bikinis (now in my experience girls don't usually take a picture with a guy like that unless they are confident he's not into them). Plus he seems to really be into G Dragon.
But I definitely want to take it slow with this girl, but I'm a straightforward guy. I don't play games, I'm not into passive aggressive behavior and I've been called honest to a fault. I know all these traits might not be the best when it comes to women anywhere so I plan to work on that with this girl.
by RMAN rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 13:15
To the guy above, that's what I was worried about but I've seen some pictures of him dressed as a witch with painted nails for Halloween, and another costume as a schoolgirl, and one more of all the other international girls around him in bikinis (now in my experience girls don't usually take a picture with a guy like that unless they are confident he's not into them). Plus he seems to really be into G Dragon.

Hmm, it feels like you're grasping here. Dressing up for halloween and taking pictures with girls in bikinis are not very good indicators of someones sexuality. And I'm not familiar with G Dragon but he looks like your typical k-pop star (where metro falls on the manlier end of the spectrum)
by ... (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 13:23
Taking pics with girls in bikini sounds manly to me, unless he's in the bikini ;D anyway, just take it easy and take your time to get to know her. Rushing and overthinking probably wouldn't do any good.
by s (guest) rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 13:23
If she's an exchange student or something similar, then you'll have to realize that most people in those situations have a reason to be there-studies. Studying is the priority and a fling or relationship may not be in her agenda, especially if she lives in Japan and is returning there after her studies.

While some Americans will skate by with their studies in order to party it up in college, I don't think Japanese people have that in mind. I'm sure the parents want to get results for their hard-earned yen. But I'm generalizing here and that may not be correct,

If you don't get a reaction from her when you sound interested or you get the "wanna be my boyfriend", it may not be what you think it is. "Boyfriend" there may have more of an aloof description and not "hard core" like it might be in America.
by John B digs Japan rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/10 13:31
John B seems to be on the money with this one! Good advice from him!

Although you explained your personality... Just also keep in mind Japanese don't really like straight up and honest feelings (it's not in their culture). So be out there but not over the top is what I'm trying to say.
by KNGRX3 rate this post as useful

Re: Understanding a Japanese Student 2014/2/11 16:12
I was once an international student for a whole summer. I--and other students--were much more open to flirting than in our home country because we knew that we would never run again into these other young people.

We definitely didn't go too far, but were much more close, friendly, open to other foreign students---EVEN if we weren't too INTERESTED in them--than we would have dared to be at home..

by Monkey see (guest) rate this post as useful

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