Opinions on this matter about a mothers order

Hello

I'm 30 and I've been dating this 19 year old Japanese girl since September who is 20 this month and is a University student. We love each other and you comes round my place to stay over nearly once or twice a week. Her parents know about me and seem to have good impression of me after she told them about me. But it seems her mum doesnt have her to stay round my place because shes still young and doesnt want her to have sex until marriage. Understandable as shes protective of her. Sex is ok but in Japan, public affection like kissing and hugging is not really common and she feels embarrassed doing that in public and I feel I am denied to be close to her. Before her, I was in a 4 year relationship with another Japanese girl who I once lived together for 2 years and she was 22 years old, so I am used to be very close to my girlfriend. I know that one way is to be patient until she graduates and get a job but that would take like 2 years. Another is just propose but thats just jumping in too soon. Im just wondering if there are opinions out there which can help my mind a bit in this matter.

Thank you for reading.

If you don't like having to wait, then you are not the man for her. Whether it was her mother or your girlfriend who said it first, if physical contact is off the table and you're trying to find a way around that then you need to walk away.

I think mother in the U.S. whom they have a 19 years old daughter take exactly the same action as the Japanese mother did to you.

I second that. If you're not patient enough for that, you shouldn't be with her. 19 is still a kid to me btw.

It difficult to date 19 yrs old japanese girl because her personally are not mature yet. She start going university and her life could change and will be too busy with it that can cause relationship problem. It very common that japanese girls break up around that ages because life is changing during college or study abroad. She is still growing and you need to give her time to grow and find what she want. Either be patient and wait for couple years to propose her or find someone else who already graduated if you want to get marry soon.

public affection like kissing and hugging is not really common and she feels embarrassed doing that in public

Why would you even want to do that if a) it's not socially accepted, and b) it makes your girlfriend uncomfortable?

It sounds like she should find someone who's more mature.

a bunch of nonsense advice in this thread

first of all, 30-19 is a big gap, so there are some special considerations.

the mother may be worried that you are taking advantage of her daughter. you need to accept that the mother is probably going to dislike anything you do with the girl.

secondly, just because the girl doesn't like doing things in public doesn't mean she won't get used to it. you need to acclimatize her. it takes time. you can start by holding hands or hugging in your apartment or in some other private place. then slowly help her adjust to doing it in other more public places. she'll get to enjoy it after a few months.

third, unless your girl blabs too much, mom's not going to find out if you're having sex with her or not. what mother wants of her daughter's sexual life is of absolutely no consequence. mom doesn't control her daughter's body.

she may not be able to stay overnight but there is no rule that it takes all night to do the deed...some people in tokyo have secret double or triple lives simply by getting on the last train home in time..!


finally, before anyone tries to jump on me, the sex before marriage thing is totally normal among japanese. statistical fact shows that as of 2013, most people in japan lose virginity before 18 years of age. so don't go trying the no-sex-before-marriage nonsense when proven stats blow your argument out of the water before it even gets started.

I don't think it's all nonsense. Of course every mother is overprotective of her daughter especially if they're really young. In my family, wait till you meet the guys. Sorry if I'm wrong, but it sounds like the opening is used to being close to people physically and expect people to feel the same. Telling him to be patience is not nonsense. Hell I'd be protective of my daughter too.