What to Do?

This question is more gravitated towards dealing with long distance relationship.

So I have this really helpful app called HelloTalk which has allowed me to meet and make a lot of penpal friends with people from Japan. I have had Japanese friends in real life but I've always wanted to get to know native Japanese people living in Japan. I've been using this app for months and I've gotten to know a lot of people from this app. I've also had many instances where Japanese men will fall for me (I'm Indonesian living in the U.S. by the way). I don't know if it's just because I'm naturally a friendly person or because a lot of them find me "beautiful" or "cute" but most of the men I speak to I have never had a deeper connection to than more than pen pal friends. I do appreciate the kind compliments but I wasn't exactly looking for that kind of thing until I met this one particular guy recently.

I talk to a lot of guys but this one guy stood out the most from all the other guys I've spoken to because how compatible we are based on the things we've shared with each other. I am 20 and he is 25 so we are not too far apart in terms of age. We both shared our past relationships and we both found that we're the complete opposite in terms of past relationship. He studied abroad in China for a year and met an Indonesian girl who he dated for 2 years and I met a Japanese guy from school who I dated for 2 years and just that alone was a big shock to me haha. It seemed almost unreal that this occurrence was just a big coincidence but the more that we opened up about ourselves the more things we found in common with each other.

Our friendship seem to grow more as we started to connect more with sharing the same hobbies, liking the same kinds of foods, and being the big fans of the same American TV shows. It seems that it went from just talking on the app to talking on another texting app for easier access to communicating. Now it's been about month and he texts me every day of the week and calls me for at least two hours out of the day even though he has a very busy schedule with work.

I have to admit there are certain times that I will flirt a little with him and he will do the same but we both have not confessed anything yet. I know that Japanese men are very shy and reserved when it comes to dealing with women and I am respecting that nature in Japanese men.

So far the only form of communication I have is texting, calling, and video chatting with him and I've made a long time promise with him that I would one day visit him and he would do the same. I've been trying to hold back telling him that I have developed feelings for him until I one day meet him in person because I find that is the best way to tell someone you like them but I'm not sure how soon that will be until I meet him but I really want to know how he feels about me.

I have spoken to many of my friends to get their opinion on this situation and all of them have agreed that this guy feels the same way about me. One the issues I have is since I can't tell him person the only the method I have is telling him over the phone but I guess a little more personally would be doing it over video chat. I can't tell you how nervous I feel just deciding would be the best way to tell him how I feel but the thought of him possibly not feeling the same way or just looking at me as a "good female friend" always lingers in my head.
But I also thought if a guy only thinks of a girl as a friend he wouldn't constantly call and text everyday right?

So my biggest question is how should I tell him how I feel.. Phone or over video chat? Either way I'll be really nervous and embarrassed or should I not tell him at all and take the risk of waiting until I tell him in person one day? The worst thing I don't want to do is ruin our friendship because of this. Also I would also like to be his girlfriend but I know how pessimistic people are about long distance relationships. I know it would be very difficult to maintain a long distance relationship but my biggest hope is that we can still like each other and see where things go when we can spend time with each other in person.

If you guys could share your thoughts on opinion and possibly give me advice on what to do that would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

My advice is that you should first meet him in person or make any plans for meeting. You can tell him how you feel over skype. However, be not surprised my his reaction. Japanese tend to not show their emotions.

And if you are finally meet, please dont build up to much expections. Sometimes people are different from the image you have. Take it slow and let your feelings slowly develope.

Take care and good luck!

I totally agree with SameMe

It always the best to confess in person. Confess through phone or webcam are very unromantic way because it like a coward way to confess in distance rather in person. I have dated a beautiful Japanese girl for 7 month in long distance before got into relationship. We never met in person and we met through online. I have fallen in love with her the month before I met her for the first time. I wanted to confess her so badly but it worth to wait to confess in person because it show more courage and gut to Japanese woman. Relationship don't exist until you met in person. I did confessed her in person and she very happy accepted it. We been together ever since. Going to see her again in Hawaii this Summer!

Love declarations in person are amazing... if the feelings are mutual! But if they are not, then you have wasted a lot of time and money to get dumped face to face, turning the whole trip into something awkward and pointless...

I would also try and make a plan to meet up, but I would speak quite clearly before going. You can leave all the I love you and other big words for when you are together, but I would at least say something on the lines of "I would love to meet up and see if we are as compatible in real life as I think we are now... If you also feel we could give this a chance" or something similar...

Then again... I sometimes come across as too direct so this might not be everybody's cup of tea. ;)

I like what Brida says. It can be heartbreaking to fly to his country, only to discover that he loves you as a friend only. I would definitely bring it up now, and in the manner Brida suggested. Make it clear that you want to get to know him on a boyfriend/girlfriend level, and seeing Japan would also be a good way for you to take a trip and get to know each other better.

If he finds a way to sign off quickly, or suddenly becomes very busy, there's a chance that he only sees you as a good friend, and nothing else.