Does this japanese girl like me?

A month ago i went to Japan with 3 friends. There we met 2 Japanese girls, and we hung out for the last 2 days of our trip. The girls were pretty cool so i kept contact. Now i send/receive daily mails with 1 of them. I'm studying Japanese at university and because they didn't speak English at all, it would also help improve my Japanese.

Anyway, I receive about 2/3 mails every day. We have also talked over skype a few times. She said that she wants to come to my country in february. I also said i wanted to go to Japan again soon, and she said i should stay in her room! She asked her family and it was all right. Now i have plans to stay for about 2.5 weeks, around christmas and new year. But i'm afraid she might have said it out of politeness.

Now, i kinda start to like her more and more, but i don't know how she thinks about me. Obviously she wouldn't keep contact if she thought i was boring, but maybe it's just because i'm a 'cool' foreigner or something..

Because of the cultural differences and language barrier, i don't really know how to handle this.. Is there anyone that is Japanese, or has experience, that can help me with this? Is it okay to stay at her house? Is it possible that she likes me?
If so, how do i approach her? Should i tell her that i like her? Sometimes i get the idea she wants me to say that, but i'm afraid i might scare her off when i do. How does that usually go in Japan?

Oh, by the way, i'm 20 and she is 18. Hope someone can help me out ^^

If I were you, I would be worried about the fact you (a guy whom their daughter hung around only 2 days) are invited.

That's right, it's kind of weird..
I said i didn't want to be a bother, but she said it really wasn't a problem with her parents.

in my opinion, it is her being polite and hospitable to offer you to stay, maybe because she knows that you don't know anybody in japan, or wants to help you. if it's ok with her parents why not, but maybe at least not too long, it can be half half of your stay,so it will not gonna be sounds awkward to both sides. if you are asking if she likes you? sort of.........why a girl will invite you to their house in the first place anyway? and send you E-mail 2/3 times a day? she's thinking of you all the time ;)

I’d like some advises to you but please think by yourself carefully.

In my opinion, the best way you know her thought is only to meet and ask her directly.
If you love her, you should come to Japan and go to meet her.
Please trust whatever you see and listen there.
That’s a truth.

In Japan, 18 years old woman like your girl friend is minority in a law.
Even if she and her parents allow you, the Japanese polices can arrest you in case that they know or think that you have sex with her.

I’d like to recommend you to reserve a room of a reasonable hotel by way of caution near her house at least the first day you visit.
And you should ask her parents your stay by yourself and get their permission.
If possible, you should ask a different room.
Everybody must believe that you think her honesty.

You should do everything carefully till she becomes 20 in order to protect yourself.

Thank you for your answers :)

Today i talked with her on Skype again, and when i told her i was worried if it was really okay to stay at their house, she went to her mother. Her mother then told me directly that it was no problem, so i guess it's all right ^^

Tohgetu, thanks for the warning! I really have no intention to go there to have sex or whatever. I don't think there is another room available besides her room, but would it really give wrong ideas to people just because i'm staying in her room?

I think it might be best to tell her that i like her, because it might be a little weird if she only finds out while i'm there..

Would it be okay to tell her 'suki da yo' or something like that?

Under the law she is a minor until she becomes "hatachi" (20yrs old). Also Nagasaki prefecture ordnance states she is a minor if she continues school and lives under her parents roof until she is 22yrs old. This type of ordnance may differ from prefecture to prefecture, just be aware of laws like this.

I wouldn't worry about her liking you.
I would however consider shortening your visit to about a week and stay with her just 2/3 days. You can still spend the time with her and her parents, just stay at an onsen or a hotel.
You said you were a student, do you have a job? As a parent myself I view your 2.5 week trip as a lack of restraint. Japanese parents tend to see such things the same way.

I’m glad to hear that you can get her mother’s permission directly.

Absolutely I believe you have no intention to have sex with her.
Because you put your question onto this forum and hear our answers sincerely.
Rude parson must not do that.
The attitude expresses your honesty.

Regardless you have sex or not, the Japanese police officers can arrest you when they think you must do that because she is still minority in Japanese law.
All you have to do is just to know it.
How do you explain your innocence if you stay in the same room?
Anyway, in case that you can’t have another room, you can consider the problem with her parents.
Because they gave their permission to you, they should resolve it with you.
Please consult with them.

In my opinion, telling your real mind to her is great and important.
Probably she notices and expects that because you come to Japan in order to see her and spend time with her.
Good luck!

Thank you, Tohgetu!

I will definitely be aware of what you said, and if necessary i will consult her parents about it too.

@Jay, thanks! I'm still thinking about how long i'm going to be staying. I do have a part-time job where i work each saturday. And i'm pretty busy with studying too. I don't think a lack of restraint has anything to do with this though ^^ I just like to have a holiday from time to time!

Today i told her i liked her.. I think she was kind of surprised, but she sounded happy about it. Then i said: 'nihon ni iku toki ni, tsuki atte kudasai' (i hope i asked that right? xD) Then she said 'dou shiyou' a couple of times. Anyway after that it was a little awkward, but later on we talked some more and i learned her some more English.

Now i wonder, is she really going to think it over or could this 'dou shiyou' be meant as a rejection..?

It seems like you would be putting a lot of pressure on yourself by staying with her and her family when you two are exploring the possibility of a new relationship.

I don't think it matters how long you stay in Japan but showing restraint by staying in a hostel or whatever accommodations fit your budget is necessary here.

There are plenty of cheap places to stay.

To protect yourself and to show some respect for this young lady and her parents you should insist on making your own arrangements.

Over the course of your stay, see her, meet the family, even go back to her home for dinner or whatever. But don't stay there.

You're 20, are you ready to get married? The only situation in which this would make sense to me is if everyone involved, parents included, are thinking these two are going to get married anyway so...

Otherwise, I would be worried about parents that so casually allow some stranger to shack up (lol) with their 18yo daughter.

Now, if they are super rich and have an estate with a separate guest facility, then that's a different story.

Thanks! I didn't look at it in that way yet.. Especially because of the possible relationship stuff i think you're kind of right. I might just look for a hotel somewhere near and see how it goes.

The thing is, she is coming to my country too for about a month, and i invited her to stay too. The fact that the hotels are pretty expensive was one of the reasons. I don't want to give her the idea that she has to stay in a hotel because i do. But i guess i can tell her that.

Anyway, normally i'd get about 3 mails a day, but i haven't heard anything from her today.. I guess because i told her that i liked her yesterday. And the reaction was 'dou shiyou, dou shiyou'

I don't really know what i should do now. Does she need time to think about it? :S Should i wait for an answer then? Or should i e-mail her and ask about it? Or act like nothing happened? (though i don't think that'd help)

anyone with advice? ^^

Well, obviously you've made things complicated for her by telling her how you feel.

There's only a few possibilities here:
1) She doesn't like you and now she's unsure how a) how to let you down easy and b) how to uninvite you from staying at her place and c) do all that while remaining friends so that she CAN stay at your place (in a platonic sense) when she visits your country.

2) She does like you but now that the issue has come up, she's questioning a) whether it's OK that a ''more than friend'' stay in her room and b) if staying in her room will lead to uncomfortable sexual tension (she's only 18 and could be ''innocent'' if you know what I mean) or c) she's ready for all that but is worried if her parents find out.

I don't know anything about your experience or maturity level but you're got to remember that the difference between 18 and 20 is equivalent to about 10 years of life experience for some people so your sudden confession in any case has caught her off guard.

Add to the above language issues, the international aspect, the long distance aspect, etc. and so yeah, don't be surprised if she takes so time to sort things out.

IMO, give her a little more time and if still nothing, offer her a way out (if you want to remain friends).

Something like, ''I've thought about things and I've decided to stay at a hotel. It doesn't change how I feel about you but I don't want to pressure you. I want you to think about what I said and I still hope we can see each other often during my visit but I just want you to know there's no need to rush.''
「僕も色々少し考えてみたけど、やっぱりホテルかどっかに泊まることにしようと思ってる。別にあなたに対する気持ちが変わったわけではないけど、プレッシャーかけたくない。とりあえず、この間言ったことを考えてくれたら、それでいい。嵐闥ﾊり日本にいてる間はたくさん逢えると嬉しいけど、別に僕もあなたも焦る必要はないと思ってる。」

This frees her up to agree with the hotel decision or insist that you stay with her. Either way, she can make a pressure-free decision.

As for her staying at your place when she visits your country, there's no need to touch on that at this time. By the time you two get over this hill, you'll either be just friends or not but at least you'll have clarity and closure and you'll both know what to expect and how to act when that time comes.

Wow, thanks a lot for your answer!! That's really helpful :) Especially the part you put in Japanese, thank you!

Just now i got a mail again, saying this:

こないだはありがとう(*^^*)


色々考えたんだけど、
まだ悩んでる(´･_･`)

いつ答えが出せるかもまだわからない。


だから、今は友達でいたい！
友達として日本に遊びに来て(^_-)

I guess the 'i don't know yet' is just a polite way of turning down?
I'm glad she did give an answer though and even as friends it would be awesome to hang out.

I guess i will tell her i'm thinking about going to a hotel so i don't put any pressure on her, like you said :)

tell us how it ends!

Well yes i can see how it would be very confusing. On one hand you have an invite into the heart of the family and on the other you are being given signals to take it slower. Item one. You have been offered very generously to stay at this girls home in her room. I would very much guess she is loaning you the room and sleeping in another room for the duration. Assume this and go with an open mind or you may be insulting the family turning down their generousity. Item two. She is interested. Don't push. It takes time to reach any solid ground. Go. have fun. Learn more about the lass. And let her learn more about you. Hope it works out.

@ Helloo029

Maybe it's just me, but don't you think it's a bit insensitive to post her email in a public forum?

That message is for you (only you), surely she'll be upset if she reads her own email in a thread like this.

In my experience, just be patient, persistent, creative, and don't over think in every situations, then your relationship would flourish.

Just be cool in everything, even if you're upset, etc, etc. In most cases, it's just assumptions, and over-reacting.

You're right, i'm over-thinking too much and i don't have enough patience.. And you're right about the e-mail i put in here too (is there any way to get that deleted?). I do stupid things too often.

Well anyway, i'm still in contact with her. There is definitely something bothering her. I don't really know what, maybe i'll find out later. She also apologized for not giving an answer but i told her it's all right.

Anyway, she told me that even now it was all right for me to stay as long as i wanted :) So i guess i will at least stay at her house for a few days. But i will think some more about that, i'm not in a hurry!

Thanks for your answers!
And i'll try to update later on for you who are interested in the ending ^^

@ Helloo029

from your first post, the girl is decent!! a "good one" mate!!! ;')

in what you said reminded me of my Japanese girlfriend, she pretty much behave the same way.

Letting you stay at her house, and it's her parents house!!! that's extremely good indication that she likes you very much!! depending how traditional the family is, some partners doesn't introduce their partner until marriage is near. Although what it sounds like, her parents is very modern, and accepted you as a guest, and maybe potentially her boyfriend. it's good mate!!!

Majority of Japanese girls like guys to lead, be a gentleman, with patience, and feel their thoughts without actually "talking". Japanese like their moment of silence and body language of politeness. And from what I've been told by other Japanese girls, they don't like clingy men, overreacting, and saying the word "love" (unless you really mean it, BUT say it... only if it's a major moment...!!!). Also they won't love you straight away, cause decent Jgirls are "thinkers", and will test you (in every situation), it's a way for them to protect themselves. also many Jgirls believes love grows strong only in duration of time, even if you are married, you still need to keep it up, and the "love" will eventually grow stronger, and finally..... truly, she would 110% commit to you.

i'm currently in a long distance relationship (we dated many times, and lived together until her Visa expired -_-; ), LDR is tough as hell, but i already know she is with me and we talked about marriage.

although there are hard times when my mind plays tricks, and keep asking.... why did she do this, or not reply to this, or she is just being polite and not telling the truth. the fact is..... long distance is hard to engage what is going on especially if it's via emails and text messages. secondly there are many reasons why she is late replying, maybe she is busy, maybe her phone died, etc, etc. Just keep the conversational "light"... but meaningful without over "loving or clingy", and keep a clear mind in what she is doing. if you know she is busy (working), just send a quick message a couple of days later, telling her "今日も１日お仕事頑張ってね！”, and leave it as that until she respond. She will miss you more if you don't talk too much, like a reverse psychology. Oh....and don't email her or call when you know she is at work, or with her girlie friends.

as i said before.... they don't like men using the word "love", many believe "love" should be shown as "to do something" for the relationship, and if you told her you will "do this" (to make her happy), make sure you do it.!!! and be positive and don't have second thoughts. just lead...!!!

of course, you don't have to listen to me, but it's my own experience and study.

also don't read too much stuff on the internet about girls, cause Japanese girls is "different", even though.... many think not. but most stuff online is written for Western girls, and Japanese girl.... well.... even though they are "girls" who seems to behave the same like any other girls, their deeper thinking is different and much harder to understand. in fact i'm still trying to work this out myself from what some Japanese married women told me, it's like a hidden thought (乙女心（おとめごころ）わかって無い。).... go figure!!

remember, every "bad" behaviour that you may think about this Japanese girl, could be the opposite! JUST.... look into a different perspective, and not just one answer.

like many girls (not just Jgirls), they say one thing to you, might mean another.

hmm.... also don't use her as a Japanese language teacher. learn the language from different source, and talk to her, just don't start sparring.

and good luck...!! ^^;

P.S. i'm also started learning Japanese as well (with an online tutor). ^^;

@Helloo029

Hello there , Last year I traveled to Japan and actually asked to stay at the home of a friend for the true experience of staying at a home in Japan. I only stayed for 3 days and my friend also had a daughter that was 18 (I was 17 at the time).

I hadn't met her before but we got along great and she gave up her bedroom for me (a stranger just become family) while she slept in another room. This might well be the case as someone above suggested and if so, just make sure you do the bed neatly after you get up and respect her room because when I did - I got so much rep for it and was praised beyond measure (insane I know but each act of respect reflects on your personality I guess). In fact, I was praised so much I was feeling a little confused lol, but I think it's important nonetheless.

I just wanted to share my experience, we couldn't communicate well due to the language barrier but stay polite, kind and make an effort - When I left after just 4 days of contact she cried! (I was so touched by this!). On the other hand, I know your case is different as you have made contact already but I think you should just stay as who you are, try not to say anything out of the blue and learn as many short expressions in Japanese to impress, it'll give you brownie points.


Good luck and I hope you have fun!

@ Helloo029

Oops, I got carried away!! I wrote too much!!!

I only read your first post and previous two, I didn't realise you and her are still young. Anyway, Good luck!!! ;')