Why do japanese girls always run away?

Hello,

I have been in japan for a few weeks and I can only speak basic japanese. But I have noticed that Japanese girls (17-24 years) always run away as fast as you say something like ''Sumimasen'' then ask for direction or the time. Or just tell them that they are cute.

It does not really mather what I say...90% runs away. I am approaching in a very respectful and calm way so they should not get scared?

I am from middle eastern, does it have to do something with that? Most people i know in europe consider me good looking and I dress fashionable...

The NON japanese girls in japan also consider me good looking and I can easily talk to them...

Is it something in their culture? I really dont understand why...

I don't know, if some random stranger walked up to people and started saying they were cute, you'd get many responses from people, some might take it lightly, many might just think "who's this weird guy" "or this guy is crazy", not necessarily a Japanese thing either, the response would be similar with people in other places too.

Hmmmm.... Did you really need to know the direction or the time? If not, perhaps it was too obvious???

iOov,

You approach strangers using chat-up lines from 1950s movies, and you wonder why they run away?
Congratulations are nevertheless due for your concerted efforts to reinforce the stereotype that non-Japanese guys are mostly creepy and are simply here to pick up young Japanese girls.

iOov, what is it that you say after "sumimasen"? Do you speak to them in English? Then I wouldn't be surprised if they run away as a pose of "Oh! I don't know that language!"

I am a Japanese woman and I get that in Thai or France or other non-English-speaking places when I try to ask something in English.

If you try to ask in the local language or gestures it might work better. And actually try not to smile "too much" because it will make you look like a joke sometimes.

Try to look sincere but not too serious, and for example if you want to ask the time, point to your wrist as if you are pointing to a watch. Or if you want to ask destinations, just say, "Tokyo Station?" rather than "Could you please tell me the way to Tokyo Station?"

Btw, as far as I know, respectful girls around the word including myself (ahem) are taught to run away if a stranger tells you you're cute, moreover if it's a good-looking and fashionably-dressed stranger rather than a tacky tourist.

Oh, and I don't know how long you've been in Japan, iOov, but it makes me wonder why you have chosen to talk to so many "Japanese girls, 17-24 years". When I want to know the time or direction, I often deliberately choose someone very old (therefore experienced) or someone of the same gender or a guard or shopkeeper, so to avoid any misunderstanding.

I am 22 years old and yes sometimes I really needed to know the time or to know were the subway is.

And I then ask "Sumimasen, xxxx doko desu ka?" (yes they run).

I usually dont just go and say "Anata-wa kawaii as an opening line either (but i have tried). Even tough I would be flattered if someone came to my country, and said to me that I was cute...In MY language...

I also tried to just go to girls on the street and ask stuff like:

"Sumimasen, nani o shiimasu ka?",

"Sumimasen, eigo-ga wokarimasu ka",

"Sumimasen, watashi-wa amir desu, anata-wa?",

"Sumimasen, o genkidesu ka?".

And its not like im being creepy, european girls usually (from experience) get very happy and interested if I approach and try to speak their language.

I have only studied japanese for 2 weeks, so I dont know much of the culture yet...But I am open minded and try to find out. Since I really have come to love this country (even tough girls run away!)

Why I approach girls? Well first of all, they are very cute Japanese girls. So there is no reason not to...

And I always had easier to be friends with girls. They have always feelt less compedative vs me then guys.

I still cant understand it...But I guess I have 2 more weeks to find out before I go home to my country =)

iOov,

I also tried to just go to girls on the street and ask stuff like:

"Sumimasen, nani o shiimasu ka?",

"Sumimasen, eigo-ga wokarimasu ka",

"Sumimasen, watashi-wa amir desu, anata-wa?",

"Sumimasen, o genkidesu ka?".

And its not like im being creepy, european girls usually (from experience) get very happy and interested if I approach and try to speak their language.


Yeah, that's pretty creepy.
Try Gas Panic in Roppongi. You should have more luck there.

Thanks for just saying its crapy(?)

In what way is it crapy? What should I say then...? I dont want to belive that (almost all) japanese people are so simple minded that they cant respect someone who is not able to talk 100% correct or advanced japanese. As I said, I have only practised for 2 weeks. But I am REALLY trying. I never order my meals in english, or ask for directions, or time. I study on my self, in my guesthouse atleast 1 hour a day.

So I guess, yes you ARE right. It is crappy, but it does not explain their reaction.

Also I dont want to go to Roppongi gaspanic since almost everyone at gaspanic is non-japanese. I have been in Roppongi 2 times and I dont like it there. Its the only place so far in japan were i have seen fights, and people grabbing my arm asking me to go to their club...

My problem isn't that "Ohh why dont I get any girls here". I just want to understand why they react the way they do.

I would understand if a drunk gaijin approached shouting in english (or japanese).

But I dont understand why they run away from someone who is natural, calm, sober and tries to talk their language.

Ohh Sorry Dave, my laptop screen is so small I didnt see you wrote "creepy". I thought it was "crapy" :).

But why is that creepy?

What else can I say? If you want to start a conversation, dont you start by excusing your self.

Then introducing your name. Or asking the person in question what they are doing tonight?

or by saying hello how are you?

"Konbanwa, ogenki desu?" or "Konbanwa, ikaga desu ka?" I'v tried this also.

iOov,

Dave did not say ''crappy'', he said ''creepy'' which means ''making you feel nervous and slightly freightened''.

I'm a Japanese female, and if I was spoken out of the blue by a total stranger who is obviously wanting to become a friend, I would feel suspicious or even scared. If the person is a foreigner, it is even ''creeper'' for me as I cannot see what the real purpose is behind.

And the phrases you mentioned are rather strange, that's another factor that drives away girls from you.

Sumimasen, nani o shiimasu ka?
What is it supposed to mean??

Sumimasen, eigo-ga wokarimasu ka
If the girl don't speak, she's sure to run away. She does not want to get stuck with the language barrier problem.

Sumimasen, watashi-wa amir desu, anata-wa?
Why on earth a girl should tell her name to a total stranger on the street? It's dangerous! Another reason to run away.

Sumimasen, o genkidesu ka?
''How are you?'' is to be exchanged between friends or those already know each other.
Run away!

If you want to Japanese friends, you should go to the place where the people are looking for foreign friends.
There are many ''eikaiwa kissa'' coffee/tea shop for English coversation. There you would find many people who really want to talk with foreigners.

Ooops, I meant to write "creepier" not "creeper".

iOov,

If you are in Tokyo right now, stop and look around you. Do you see well-dressed people approaching strangers in the street and suddenly introducing themselves? The answer to this question should be "yes", but those people are most likely trying to get people to "just fill in a questionnaire" which then leads to a hard sell for cosmetics or something similar, are trying to recruit girls to work in the sex industry, or are recruiting for some religion. That's why people (and especially girls) in Tokyo are naturally wary of strangers that suddenly come up to them and start being friendly. I don't think this is peculiar to Tokyo; it's a "big city" thing, and I bet the same applies to just about any large city in the world.

I agree, creepy!

Also, in Japan more than other countries, that kind of behavior is very common from men looking for a quick hookup (nampa men). The girls probably (rightly?) assume you are trying to pick them up, and the proper response is to get out fast! I get approached a ton like this and I never respond, just walk quickly away. Any guy with sense and respect for women should know that approaching a woman on the street without a good good reason means you will be seen as a threat, not a potential friend!

If you want to talk to girls who like to talk to foriegners, go to some gaijin bars or something.

you only approached girls?

how about to ask men your way or directions?

I am a confident female from the UK, yet if someone approached me like this I too would make a hasty exit... or pepperspray you.

If you asked the time or directions, I'd tell you exactly what you wanted to know, say your welcome, then walk away. I wouldn't continue to converse with you.

If you came up and told me I was "cute" or asked me my name, I'd probably tell you in no uncertain terms, to **** off. Or, if I was feeling a bit less confronting, I'd just walk away and ignore you.

Most people in the street are not there so they can talk to total strangers. If you want to meet people, be it for friendship or otherwise, go out to bars in the evenings. People are there because they want to socialise, so they are the people who will most likely pay attention to you.

However, regardless of situation, unless you want to seem like a really dodgy guy, I wouldn't suggest ever opening with a line anything like "You're cute"

Hi iOov

You say that 90% of the Japanese girls aged between 17-24yrs you approach run away, what do the other 10% do?

How do you know the girls you approach are in the age range you say?

I would suggest that you invest in a watch and a map, it may prove useful, especially considering you only have a couple of weeks left before you return.

Well, i guess thanks :)

Im from sweden and I must say that almost EVERYTIME you apporach anyone with a nice tone...No mather what the "line" is...They will stay for a konversation.

I guess our culture is very different then :) And I guess thats what Im here to learn...So thanks =)

I will for sure go to one of thoes cafés.

And yes, I have seen lots of thoes "scouts" on the streets. And my self find all of them very annoying. I usually say "no thanks not interessted" insted of running away tough. So yes in that way I understand that they run. If they think that im a scout or something...

The ones who dont run, actually stays and have a konversation...I have been on dinner with some...and even late night bowling with some.

I'v learned lots of japanese trough that alone...

Yes I do ask male people sometimes. Specially if its a young group of people, I always approach the male and start a konversation, to show respect to him...I personaly would get very offended if i was standing with few girls and some one jumped in and started talking to them, and not with me first.

I have been in parks with people I approached and joined them for parties. (now you all think, but didnt you say that they run away? yet you have got all that much contact?!?).

Yes but out of the maby 50-75 people I asked...90% have been running..and the rest I have meet and had a great time with.

The success rate of having fun (meeting people and join them)...For someone who is alone in tokyo...is not big.

anyway..MOST people from sweden love when someone on the street starts a konversation...Atleast from my experience...(on the other hand we dont have any "scouts" on the streets).

Thanks I think I understand more now :D

Sumimasen, eigo-ga wokarimasu ka
If the girl don't speak, she's sure to run away. She does not want to get stuck with the language barrier problem.

- Hmm...Is it really that scary to not understand someones language?

Sumimasen, watashi-wa amir desu, anata-wa?
Why on earth a girl should tell her name to a total stranger on the street? It's dangerous! Another reason to run away.

- Its really not dangerous..

Sumimasen, o genkidesu ka?
''How are you?'' is to be exchanged between friends or those already know each other.
Run away!

- Then what phrase do you use, when you want to ask "how are you?". In japan? If you have a speciall phrase for friends and another for strangers. Then Japanese people REALLY need to loosen up and respect people who dont speak advanced japanese, but is trying. Insted of running they should correct you.

So you say that it is IMPOSSABLE to approach someone on the street in Tokyo, without being creepy?

Or what lines would you suggest.

I personally dont think that its offensive or creepy if someone approaches me. Male or female, if I think she is cute or not. Black or white...Young or 60 years old...(but then again...we dont have scouts in sweden)!

SPECIALLY not if its a foreign. Then I would for sure stay and offer my help in anyway.

!Oov, no matter how innocent your true intention is, your choice of conversation send the message that you are after something they do not want. Please understand girls with a self-respect will simply remove themselves from pushy men, let alone a pushy stranger.