How to back my japanese ex-girlfriend

Hmm.. Well I think some people have been harsh, but but some things you wrote, made it seem the situation is quite bad.

There can be Hope, although 9 months isn't long, it isn't a short amount of time. So you should know her quite well, how she thinks.. acts.. and so on. Depending on the situation people can say act mean, but not mean everything.

I'm sure alot of people have broke-up/Or told the relaship is over. (But it turns out fine) Its happened to me before and ended fine. You just have to think from her point of view, what she wants, how serious is she?

The best advice is just send letter in the Mail. If possible, as a Thank her for her kindness and time spent with you. If says nothing happens, then you might just have to accept the situation.

The way you wrote it, seems like its the end. Some of ththe time, I had ask for advice from other prople. I didn't ask myself. You know her better than us.

But if she said to you no, and you dont have any clue what to do it might be a sign its over.

Thank you Mina and Julia.
You are right!
I'm going this way.

You need to give it up. Take a hint, young man.

@Paul,

Look you posted this thread and people have given you an answer. It is like you are now trying to convince US because you are not seeing the answer you want. MOVE ON. Let her live her life and you should live yours. You are VERY young. There are many girls out there and you will find another. You are being outright rude by not leaving her at her peace. STOP trying to justify your behavior. Unfortunately without trust in a relationship, it is doomed to fail and that is what happened. You can remember that for your next relationship. Let her go so she can be happy and so you can begin to heal and be happy yourself. Stop making excuses.

I just also want to add Paul that you are being ridiculous. Out of the extensive replies you received you picked the 2 out that gave you 'hope'. LEAVE THE GIRL ALONE. I know what it is like, i had a boyfriend that did the same that you are doing. It is a nightmare. An absolute horrible nightmare when someone will not leave you in peace to live your life. You have not met this girl, you sure as heck did not know her that long. I currently recently left my boyfriend of 6 YEARS. I moved on no problem. You give it time. If you keep clinging then you will NEVER move on and you will haunt this poor girl until she has to block you completely. GET A HINT. You are being a stalker, you are harassing her. PERIOD. There is no justification on your 'feelings'. SHe does not share them and does not wish to be on the receiving end. MOVE ON.

I too had someone who harassed me the same way you did to this girl for half a year. It's the worst feeling ever to have someone not leaving them alone. You're lucky she hasn't notify the cops like I did. You're not thinking of her feelings at all. What you are is a very selfish person from what I see. For those that never had someone harassed or stalk them wouldn't know how it feels. You never met her in person and haven't known her that long, yet you're showing this behavior. I wonder how you would be if any girls reject or break up with you in person . Just leave her alone kiddo. I really hope you don't know where she lives because you are sounding like an obsessive stalker. Move on. Sorry if it sounds harsh, but you really need to get a grip and leave her alone.

uh I think "PaulLM3" has understood what you said. He understood that he was too obsessive. It's no longer necessary to scold him.

If I can say something to PaulLM3 here:
as far as I've seen, after having exchange with many Jp people on this website, all gender, all age, it appears that Jp girls under 23 or 24 y.o are extremely mind-changing, so they won't hesitate to suddenly make a U-turn in their relationships. Moreover I think that when a Jp girl decides to stop replying, THERE'S NOTHING ON EARTH that make her reply back.

She is 17y.o, she was going to leave you sooner or later.

If events enable you to repair your relationship with her, that's great. But I think it's 1% chance.
Nothing is impossible. But I think it won't happen.

Good luck for your life

Yeah he understand it, but he's still set him mind on not letting her go after she told him it's over and even told it in a harsh way. Giving it a few months of silence then bother her again, seriously just let it go. They never met her in person and is already this obsess. Imagine if he did met her in person. It's rather creepy, I don't find that behavior acceptable at all. She's 17, still young it's only normal she's not too serious about him. And he is young also, he still have a long way to go rather than to obsess with her. Try putting your mind into something else young man. Move on and learn from your mistakes.

I want to add something, PaulLM3:

you said you and your gf talked about living together in the future, have family, etc etc..

However, you knew her since only 9 months. Less than one year. To me, talking about common future after only a few months, is too early.
I didn't say that you were not allowed to have thoughts about what you would have become with this girl. I just say that you shouldn't have talked to her about that. I think that scared her, and she runned away.

I think you went too fast. Only one month and you "fell in love each other".. I think that in a LDR it needs a huge more time to fall in love.

You should have been more patient...

Thanks for your replies.

I was too jelous and didn't give her time for thinking it's my problem. And frankly speaking I was able back her two months ago, three, but didn't use it.

Now I don't know what she doing, with whom spend time and it's not my business. If she will find great boyfriend from her city and will be happy with him, I will happy too.

Possible I din't listen her enough. Love it's when person give something, but last time I wanted only take.

I was really jerk. I was listening more my emotions that my mind. Young man...) So I lost her.

Also I'm romantic guy so think always about forever love, romantic, one girl forever and so on. I just don't want after many years think, that I was young and stupid and lost girl like she. I feel like I won't love other person (know as u told me - too young, there are many girls.) But I still love her. I know if she will be with me again. I won't do same mistakes again. I will make her happy with me.

Now I undestood, that If I were clever, all would be different now.

I was listening one guy. He talked about all people can get second chance. she gone, case she didn't like bad points in you. And after time, if you will come to her life again, you will show who you really are, that you can be man whom she will able believe and love.

Now she don't want to think about me and speak and trying to do to forget her feelings (if she still has) Now I can't be with her, even if she would want. Case i'm not so good to be with girl like she.
So my way is working with myself. Want be a person that I always wanted to be And in future If I will able to get chance to be with her I will use it.



P.S Sorry for my bad english.

P.S 2 (I move on and don't think about now be with her and be stalker or call her if she don't want. I just tell that if she will want to contact with me or in future we will meet (or smth like that I will use this chance to be with person that I need the most))

Also want to tell sorry everyone, If I made you feel not good by read this topic.
I felt really hard, So was trying to find anyways to do somethnig with my problem.

You have met each other only virtually so far, right?
You don't love this girl. You love the IDEA of her being with you. This is not true love, it's just an online infatuation. You don't even know what kind of person she is in real life.
You are living in a fantasy world. Wake up.

nesameru.
Maybe you are right. Yeah, all time calling on skype, but didn't able meet in real life. I saved money for come to her in summer 2014.

Sinse I met her I changed everything for us, I changed plans for future. I didn't hang out with guys, didn't go to gym as often as usual for spend more time with my gf.

I don't know her in real life, but it was my plan to know. I feel like in life she also great as I know her on internet. We have many same hobbies. We spended many hours together like all day on skype by watching movie together, singing together, speaking, even played one flash game together. Sending presents letters.
After this. She became my centre of world.

Yesterday in the night I watched her website profile, on page was. "I'd like to make long term relentionship"

So all is over for me. She already start to find a new boyfriend. I want to do anything, but can't, only wait that she will contact to me in future, my only one hope. It's unreal but, my greatest days was by sitting on computer and spending time with her, not my trips. not my winnig sport competition and so on. (I'm not guy who like sitting on computer, I started to do so, case it was only one way to be with her)I want be with her and if will be any chance even 0,1% I will wait her. Maybe I don't know what is real love are, but I feel that I need her, I feel happy when watch her photos, know that she study good and so on.

Sorry if my words look like foolish for anyone.I'm just young boy, who fall in love first time in my life. and Miss her so much.

By reading through ur feelings , I can imagine how u hav been through everything. Cuz I also had been heart broken , feeling helpless n hopeless....
But I try to survive by giving more attention to my study n career, doing sports, spending time with my friends so n so....
To be honest, am still hoping him though there're few chances...Still miss him a lot....
In one hand, I luv him so much...in other hand I totally understand I still hav my own life to go on....
PaulLM3 , things don't happen as the way we want to be....hence we hav to see from a bright side n be flexible...I said these words sincerely....
Wish u all the best....

PaulLM3:

She wrote she now looks for "long term relationship". But that doesn't necessarely means "boyfriend". Maybe she is looking for friends.

If she was looking for a new boyfriend, she would have written "serious relationship", or "boyfriend", or "looking for soulmate" etc ...

If you used to spend good moments together on Skype, that's good. Then she won't forget those moments.
In case she meets online another guy, there's always a possibility that she doesn't get in touch with the guy. Then maybe she will remember that she felt more good when talking to you.

I guess that it was painful when she broke up with you, so you had waited all the year long to meet her and just before that everything is ruined.. I'm sorry for that.

Maybe you can wait a few more months in case she will come back at you, but if she doesn't, move on.

When I was younger, I commited a similar mistake as yours. I sent SMS everyday to a girl that was certainly fed up with me. The more I sent SMS, the less she replied. One day her reply was so cold and rude that I finally understood, at last: everything is ruined up and it's my fault. So I suddenly stopped contacting her and moved on. I received a message from her on FB six months later. Just asking if I was fine. Even if I knew we couldn't have a relationship anymore, I was happy that she didn't forget me. Patience and silence is the best solution.


nesameru:
He talked many times with this girl on Skype. Excepted that they didn't "meet" in real life, at least they know well each other. Meeting is just about physical contact. And as you know Jp girls avoid physical contact. So it's the same afterall.
"virtual" is when you deal with a machine. PaulLM3 was talking to a human.
Some people may be different, between Skype and physical meeting.
It happened to me to meet people who I skyped with (not girlfriends). They were 99,9% similar with their Skype behaviour.
So it's a bit exagerated to say "virtual"

Eh Dar, izquierda thanks for undestanding.
Eh Dar, wish u also all the best and thanks for your comment
izquierda I'm sorry about your past sutiation.
If I would able to come to her house or park or meet her in life. I would able to explane everything, and would not calling to her and send many msg. I was so foolish. It's main problem of long distance relentionship - to not keep in touch in real life.

Yeah maybe not boyfriend, but possible.. she using websites for exchange language for improve her skills, but most guys that I know find on this websites not partner for improve english, but girlfriends.. so I feel hurt when know that now while I writing here she possible calling with guys on skype..
-----
Was really hard when she broke up. I din't sleep many nights didn't eat for two weeks.

When we started be together, all my friends told like "oh it's not serious, Paul forget about it" After some time, my friends asked how is she, is we ok. It was cool, my friends believed in this relentionship and she told about me her mother, was great! I live in Europe and she is Asia, but when we spoke with her, I felt like she near me it's awesome feeling.

I know I should to not distract her anymore. But I want to make something for her. Maybe will make cover on one her favortite song and will send to her on Xmas. I won't ask her to speak with me or spend time. Only want to do something for person that important to me.

I know how nice is she. how beautiful she is. And I really don't like myself in past. That lost her. but I want to get one more chance. hope she won't forget our good time. And happy in my life will come again.

Was really hard when she broke up. I din't sleep many nights didn't eat for two weeks.

Dude, you are OBSESSED. That's not healthy at all.
Jeez, I wonder whether you live with your parents at all and if you do, then how on earth did they allow this to go on? (being in front of the computer for so long, not eating for two weeks and not sleeping at all for days)

Omg. It was on my own. And I sitting only when spend time with her, other time sport or going to shops - to buy food and so on.

---
Now all is changed and I have only hope.

I didn't realize you have not been together in real life.. Which in my opinion is very important!!!! to 95% of people! Some people could start a relationship.. online.. but that is hard.. only very few could do that.. I could never do that, never! Physical interaction is too important to me. (That doesn't mean just sex) In my opinion my Fiancee looks complete different in real life, I feel.. so different when I see her in real life we both feel are happy when we are together.

Even a LDR is hard, when you spent a long time together in real life. I'm in a LDR and I won't lie, it isn't easy no matter what.. Girlfriend/Fiancee/Wife. Its worse for me then my partner, so I have to be more understanding. While funny enough while we spend time in person, its the opposite! I could go weeks without seeing her. But it hard being apart for months..

Maybe its because I don't cheat on my girlfriend to get rid of the stress and a lot of guys do!! honestly! I have met two Japanese guys in the last week who said they cheated because they can't take the long distance. And strangely enough it works because they don't message their girlfriend too much.. and mess up their relationship.

So the problem can be, if you put too much pressure on other person. Even if its for them.. its not always a good thing thinking about someone too much. As the other person would want you to think of yourself as what you do can effect them as well.

I found guys don't handle long-term break-up as well as girls. (One night stand is different since more guys are interested in that.. Its true.) Some of the comments can be harsh.. because unfortunately a lot of time when people break-up, they are mean act horrible.. E.g just cut of contact all of a sudden, (Maybe more common in some cultures) than the other person.. can't handle it.. Message a lot, ring a lot and then that kills the relationship. Its kinda common..

I feel the best way to break up, is to say that you aren't interested. But at least keep contact for a little while, after all the time you spent together.. unless it gets violent.. or really such as showing up at someones house.. then that is totally different.

To cut off contact can "feel" just as bad as not leaving the person alone. So its no wonder both people feel really!! bad when they break up.

Some people are bitter in this thread.. but everyone's relationship is different.. You don't seem like you are staking her.

Anyway, all the best! If you haven't seen her in real life realize that its a lot different!! Once you start sleeping with someone and living together, you will see its a lot different.

Me and my Fiancee are working/studying hard and looking forward to out future, we know its not fun being apart, and it isn't good for us long term to be apart. So we are just looking forward to out time together in real life.

Mover on! You will be better for it! Being young doesn't always matter! It more about experience! So go out with your friends and meet new people! It will it help a lot! So just go out party and If its because of some reason you like Japanese girls then just go to some "meetups" And you will be fine!!

Another thing I want to add since you have never met her in person before. Never get in LDR if you cannot afford to fly over there to visit or keep making excuse that you will visit but keep delaying too long. The longer you keep delaying to visit, the higher chance that it will never work out. Many couple do not want to wait longer when they have not met each other for the first time. If you want a LDR, finish college to earn degree then get a job that paid well so that you can save money quicker and see a love one really soon!

AdventureGuy

Problem is she just 17 and she ddin't able to go abroad if parrents won't like it. And about me, I just student at university, so I saved money for come to her as soon as I can, but failed.

Julia,

Yeah, I'ts kinda like very hard, to never able touch, or hug person that very important for you. But I don't think that for example if on spending many days on internet by webcam or smth like that in real life I won't like her or she won't like me, maybe something will new, but if person love, no matter what. Whatever, It's just my opinion.


For this time, I really became clever, I undestood many things, like need to give people time if they need. And do the best you can, that your family, friends or love, be happy that you in they life is.

it's miracle, we didn't ever speak for last months. And I still think about her everyday. and still love her. But whatever if she will want she will back, if not, I should wish only happy to her!