Am I asking too much?

Here my question, Do you have college degree? If not then don't bother being in different country LDR because you probably barely make money for living by working at Burger King or other low wage job and can't afford to visit your bf. Why would you search a LDR bf if you have low wage job or unemployment that you can't afford to visit him even maybe lucky enough would be like 1 time in 2 years. That a waste of time and you are better of find a bf in your area. I don't mean to be rude but this is reality, not love fantasy.

Alot of young people are idiot enough to find a different country LDR while they have no money or little money but can't afford to visit.

The best way to make this work is go and finish college to get degree and find a professional job that pay you well enough for living and fun life. Then you can have a LDR because you can afford to visit him few time a year.

AdventureGuy,

Yes, I do have a university degree (I prefer to use the term "university" rather than "college", since a university degree has more weight and prestige in my country than that from a college. Just saying)

I have graduated from the top university in my country actually and nevertheless, a lot of young people (with degrees) are in the same predicament as me, due to the bad economy.

My boyfriend has no chance to find a job outside Japan (I'm one thousand percent sure of it) therefore, I'm the one willing to relocate in Japan.
He has no university/college degree, works as a temporary worker and the only language he speaks the best is his mother tongue - Japanese.

I've kept up with this thread for a bit today, and given that you are slowly revealing the situation as it actually is instead of what you initially told us, I will say this.

I would negotiate him paying for half of your plane ticket out there. If he wishes to take you out to dinner, or on a date, or to different places for entertainment, that should also be his cost.

But in order to ensure your personal safety, you should pay for your own hostel stay, your own plane ticket home, and keep some emergency money on hand in case your dashing samurai turns out to be a jerk in bogu.

I dated an asian guy here in Canada for almost a year. It was a casual relationship, and even though he is of asian descent, he was born and raised "Canadian" and frequently spoke highly of himself in that regard. You can imagine my shock when he ended up being a total write-off not only as a boyfriend, but as a one-time dear friend.

People change, and they can present sides of themselves in person that you would never see via chat or Skype. It is more than prudent to treat this LDR as you would a real-life relationship, maybe even more carefully because what if you got over there with no money, he's paid for everything for you for (say) a 14 day period, and after 3 days of having you around he decides he's had enough and asks you to leave? Or what if you're there for a few days, and he turns out to be a very controlling individual, and you WANT to leave, but can't? Talking about marriage and babies with someone he's never really met can be a sign of a controlling relationship, and it may not end well. I'd hate to think that he'd try to find a way to force you to stay with him.

I think you could bring this up with him by saying that you have been overwhelmed with his offers to pay your way out there. You would like to talk about splitting the costs, and that you would prefer to stay in a hostel for the amount of time that you are there because for two people who haven't really met in person, it's more socially proper to gradually explore a physical relationship. If he gets upset, or tries to argue with you, then I would say it might not be worth it to pursue anything with this guy, because if he really cares about you he will want you to feel safe and comfortable while you're visiting him.

I agree with all that Amyranth has written, very wise words! I wonder where the OP is from? You home country location is crucial as it will tell more about how expensive the flight there will be.If you are in Europe, for instance flights can begin at \90000 and if in US they start a bit higher. If you are in Asia, they are lower.
To OP- You say your online bf has a Temporary job, buys only cheap presents for you and yet you want him to finance your trip to see him? He may or may not be as wonderful as you think but is he husband material? If you cannot find work if you get married to him, it seems life together would be very difficult.
If he turns out to be not what you think or the physical chemistry is not there and he decides he wants you out, yes, you would be looking for another place to stay until your flight home. As a Uni graduate, you could try finding a job in Japan first and going there as an independent person. Then you two could date and see if there is a future.
I have experienced meeting online friends and the results were mixed. Some were exactly as they said and others were nothing like they said. Even with phone and webcam you cannot tell the real person without meeting directly. You say you buy him good presents, why not save that money instead and wait until you have enough to visit? I agree you should book a room at a hostel or arrange a homestay or couchsurfing to be near your friend but staying with him could be a disaster. If after dating a bit you both agree you will be in a strong relationship, then maybe stay with him but have a safety net!
I understand wanting to meet him and be together as I met my former bf online as well. We began as friends. Now I am happily married to him. I had previously flown to meet a guy and it was a disaster. Thankfully I had other online girlfriends I could stay with nearby. The guy was very scary and was after one thing only. It was an expensive lesson for me but I at least could turn the trip into a nice vacation and met some very nice people. Please be careful and think twice before asking a man you have not met face to face (even if he seems to you like a great guy) to finance a trip there and put you up at his place.

Hirosumi,

Thank you for your kind message.
I'm in a European country, whose currency is the Euro.

You say your online bf has a Temporary job, buys only cheap presents for you and yet you want him to finance your trip to see him? He may or may not be as wonderful as you think but is he husband material? If you cannot find work if you get married to him, it seems life together would be very difficult.

When we meet personally and the attraction is mutual, I would definitely consider him marriage material.
I have met people from different socioeconomic statuses, education levels and I have come to the conclusion that what matters most for me is how the person treats me, whether he loves me truly and how hardworking he is.
Even though he lacks higher education and works as a temporary worker, what matters for me is the fact that he makes an effort. He works really hard for the unimpressive salary he makes. It could have been a lot worse. There are men out there who won't even make an effort at all and completely depend on their wife financially.

As a Uni graduate, you could try finding a job in Japan first and going there as an independent person.

That would be brilliant and my online boyfriend wants the same as well.
However, it's damn difficult to find a job in Japan from my country.
The majority of the people from my country, who do manage to find a job or a scholarship in Japan, are male.
Even though I hate to say it, I'm really completely utterly clueless as to where should I begin and what steps I should do to make this possible.

To Adventure guy

I hold two master degrees from top notch universities. One in Europe, second followed in the Oxford of Japan..University of Tokyo.
You might be surprised to read that I am not employed and I totally depending on my Japanese boyfriend.
The working situation in Europe, especially in Southern Countries, though is rapidly extending to Scandivanian ones, is harder than ever.
In Japan I had a very good position. I had to move back for life other reasons.

Bottom line, A master doesn`t guarantee anything. OP boyfriend`s effort matters a way more than a meaningless piece of paper.

Both seems financially unstable. I wonder how you guys are going to keep this up. Say if you want to see him again, is everything going to be out of his pocket again. or after getting married, can he support you all the time? Sorry, I don't like being a jerk, but I somewhat agree with some of the things adventure guy says.

Alot of young people are idiot enough to find a different country LDR while they have no money or little money but can't afford to visit.

So much negativity reeks out of this, that I don't know where to begin from. I will keep it short.
Being in a LDR is a lot better than mindlessly playing video games all day long.
If being in a LDR makes someone an "idiot", then I don't know what that makes someone who plays games all day.
People in a LDR actually communicate with another human being, for goodness sake.

Don't listen to the naysayers. Life is short, you only live once, and the heart wants what the heart wants.

Those are all cliches, but they are all true. Do you really want to go to Japan? If you do, it is possible.

Possibilities for a job in Japan: First, if you don't speak or read Japanese, start learning it. It makes finding a job in Japan much easier.

The easiest way to get income is to use your language skills, whatever your native language is. Your English is pretty good, so I imagine you are very literate in your native tongue. Even if your native language is one of the less global languages in Europe, like Czech, there are almost certainly multiple people in Tokyo who would pay decent money for private lessons in that language. If you are a reasonably attractive young foreigner, the sad truth is that will make it even easier. (and I'm not implying anything sleazy)

Other possibilites are for using your language skills in the translation industry, first as a proofreader/translation checker and later (once you can read or speak Japanese proficiently) as a translator or interpreter.

To do any of the above, though, you will need the proper visa.

When you visit your boyfriend you will be on a tourist visa or equivalent. Unless your country has a working holiday arrangement with Japan, you will not be allowed to work. (And I don't advise trying to work on the sly on a tourist visa; if you get caught it will cause you huge problems in the future if you want to live in Japan with your boyfriend.)

However, even on a tourist visa you can still *investigate* work possibilities. Talk to foreigners living there, find out how they started out, network, look into what's available, etc.

Of course, this will also be the time for you to find out if you really love your boyfriend. Because with your current limited economic situation, it would be best if you two were able to decide one way or another whether you want to marry or not in a relatively short time frame (a couple of months). Once you get married, you can change to a spouse visa, which will allow you to work.

From the above, it sounds like I am saying get married for the sake of the visa, but that is not what I mean. You don't need me to tell you what to do, but to be clear: get married because you love him, and then you can take care of getting a job. Marrying someone you don't love for the sake of a visa would just lead to a lot of stress and unhappiness, and you would be better off trying to find someone in your own country in the first place.

But right now, you are young and can afford (in the sense of having a lot of time to fix mistakes) to take some risks. Don't take stupid risks, like moving in with that guy right away, but if he doesn't give off a creepy vibe then you might try living together after a while to see if you are truly compatible.

Think of it as an adventure! Going off to live in Asia! If it doesn't work out, at least you will have done something different and exciting, and found out some stuff about yourself and about another culture. If it does work out, how cool would that be?

Take it from me, you only live once, and you are only young once, and it is a lot easier to do something like what you want to do now at 25 (or whatever) then it will be at 35.

Good luck.

Thank you, DanH2009!

Yes, I really want to go to Japan.
You made some good very good points and good suggestions about me finding a job in Japan.
I talked about these things with my boyfriend and he mentioned about the translation gig as well.
My Japanese is not so bad in writing form.
The only language I use to communicate with my boyfriend, is Japanese.
I took Japanese lessons in my country for about 1 year and this has helped me tremendously with some of the grammar rules.
It is much easier for me to communicate in written form online, thanks to dictionaries.
However, my speaking ability is still lagging and I need more time and effort to cover this one.
As for the age thing, I'm not 25, but, I used to be :)
I'm actually closer to the 35 year mark than the 25 one.
I hear and read about many foreigners who have gone to Japan at their early twenties and sometimes this makes me kind of self conscious and filled with regret as I wish I had the opportunity to be in Japan at a younger age as well. This shouldn't detriment me from pursuing this goal though. Age is just a number, right? And it's never too late to learn something new in life.
My boyfriend isn't a spring chicken either. He is actually a lot older than me.
However, the age difference doesn't bother me at all.
I talked with him about the trip and even mustered up the courage to ask him if he would like to help me.
I'm now anxiously looking forward to his response.

Well, I'm 50, so you're still young!

If you are in your early 30s but don't have kids or mortgage or career tying you down to your current situation, all the more reason to take a leap into the unknown and go if it is at all possible.

I was a translator, and it is a good way to make a living. If you can get a job initially as a translation checker (comparing translations to the original texts), it is like getting paid to learn how to translate!

The fact that you already speak and read and write Japanese to a good extent is even more reason to go.

I hope everything works out for you.

If you are in your early 30s but don't have kids or mortgage or career tying you down to your current situation, all the more reason to take a leap into the unknown and go if it is at all possible.

I don't have any kids, mortgage and career tying me down in my country, so I guess I'm good to go. Thanks for the head up DanH2009
Have a good day

You are in your 30s, why not having a job, career and get your financial solved? No one wants to marry anyone who is not stable, and you are talking about marriage with him even tho you never met him in person?! Wow...

You are day dreaming now, whats the chance of getting a job in Japan if you can't get a job in your own country?

You need a reality check, life in Japan would be 10000 harder unless you speak the language!

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Mushi‚³‚ñ‚Í’Ž‚Å‚µ‚傤 �i�Î�j

There is a saying

When Poverty Knocks at the Door, Love flies out of the Window

Life is hard now everywhere, in UK - where I live - people with few degrees are sitting without jobs for years, loosing houses and cars, or - working part times if they are lucky in supermarkets)
I love fairy-tales, I love to think I Am stubborn and adventurous and romantic BUT..sand castles are always JUST sand castles and often is ugly to see those ruins and realise that you was fighting for an illusion...

Sakura, all the luck to you, but...

I love fairy-tales, I love to think I Am stubborn and adventurous and romantic BUT..sand castles are always JUST sand castles and often is ugly to see those ruins and realise that you was fighting for an illusion...

Riokka, are you serious or just trolling?
Or just too lazy to read the whole thread?

I was in your position before only knowing my guy for a year and we wanted to see eachother. I don't have a stable job, but isn't confortable asking anyone for that type of help especially only a year of knowing him. Ask him if he's able to wait for me. He waited for me. I became a beautician and a sales woman to save up for a trip. To meet him and well my other friends living in Japan. I always wanted to travel there. We met, he such a nice guy and I've met his whole family. Two years of knowing eachother and 3 years being together as a couple. He did made an offer to me to visit there too and as much as I want to visit, I don't want people to have anything on me if they turn out to be a no good person. I've met people who turned out to be wolves before and being stalked for a year so it was being extra safe. Well you're a 35 year old woman , you're old enough to make your own decision. If you want to visit him on his offer. Go for it. But some of the advice here is not all that negative. Just be careful because people van be a different person online than in person. I'm not going to get all into the marriage and living there thing since you haven't met him in person yet. Meet him and see if you guys really want to be together. Also for your own sake, try finding a stable job. Not for him but yourself :) Anyway goodluck.

By
I think you are the one who is stupid and lazy plus bully and having behaviour problems

My advice was to sakura do not waste her time. It might be subjective but its a sincere one

Thank you everyone for your messages!
I didn't find anything offensive by the way, as most people have a point.
I stand firm in my belief that if a man is interested enough, then he must do the hunting and want me more than I want him.
I talked to him about the trip by the way and he has gotten pretty vague around the subject (I asked him as nicely as possible)
I wonder if he is indeed interested in me or just fooling around?
Any more suggestions and tips are welcome!
Feel free to express your opinion in whichever way you deem proper.

@Sakura, Fishing and insect? Really, are you thinking to survive living in Japan by only 2 those words?