Should I give up on us?

i agree with adventureguy --- Japanese people are hard working and always busy in work--Because if you can not work you can not live in Japan as you people know Japan is the most expensive country bcoz of that every one is busy in work----
((((((As i tell before i have a wife she mostly talk to me when she has a lunch time and in evening time when she come back home she is to tired of work and while talking to me mostly she sleep))))))

Note Please : i Have an indonesian friend-she get marry to a Japanese man once we are talking i ask from her how many time sex you and your husband do in a week--She say me not in a week i say ok in a month--sorry to say and may be all Japanese are not the same----she tell me we do sex only 3 times in a year 1--my birthday--2--My husband birthday--3--new year------- i ask from her why she answer me bcoz my husband is a busy man he is always busy in work=======

I have a Japanese friend--she got marry this year--when i ask from her what is your plan about a baby--he answer me we do sex only on marriage ist night after that we don,t have a time to do that bcoz when i go to home i am tird of work and my husband to is tired of work and we don,t have enough time to talk we take a rest after a work-

Red---you need to understand your boy friend--work in Japan is not easy as you think its really very hard ---- and if you want to see your boy friend all night its simple tell him to sleep with you on skype on cam hahahahahha-----thats what i do just chill Red and enjoy with your bf--

Thank you so much my friends. I am happy to know that there are still people out there who really take time to help someone in need, and in my case, I am really so desperate for advise, or simply know that someone listens to me. Thank you so much to the above posters.
I followed your advice, and tried my best to understand him and his work. Now I just accept whatever or whenever he feels like texting me or talking to me on skype. I tried not to ask first for fear that he might take it as me being demanding.
But he regularly text without fail,which I appreciate, and I reply in very simple sentences so he won't find it hard to understand.
We will meet soon, and I am just quiet about it. I mentioned to him once, and I did not bring it up again, until maybe when the travel is near.
I am nervous about this meeting, and no idea what to expect, except that I want to do it so I will know,whether our relationship is worth it all. I love him, but I want to feel it when I am with him.
I want to know. I can't wait.

Thank you again guys, all the best to you!

Hello Red,

Just happen to click into this post and it's my first time replying to a post.

I have been in your situation (sorta), I had a long distance relationship with a Japanese guy. First, how totally get how tough it is and you should be proud of yourself of how brave you are to go into this relationship. So did I.

You need extra patience and extra understanding to him, especially to Japanese guys who I'll say it's not how we expect from a normal relationship.

1. Japanese guys are very career focused - they can just disappear because of work or work gathering, even on weekends.. infrequent texts and Skype.. (ask yourself if you can really stand that, it wouldn't change much even you tell them.. if that added pressure on that plus LD making it more difficult to maintain, they will choose career mostly, won't say all)

2. Beware of the words - as you said there're many misunderstandings.. that happened to me too even though we didn't have huge communication problems as we both speak English.. but somehow culturally speaking Japanese might get offended more easily if they are traditional Japanese. In your case, your boyfriend would say hurtful words to you, he may not really meant that but is this working long term? Communication is one of the most important keys to maintain a relationship.

3. They don't show their love. Are you okay with that?
I was lucky that he told he loved or missed me everyday until the days he didn't say much then I knew it.. One day he told me he's so focused at work and I wasn't his focus anymore blah blah blah

I wouldn't say you should give up because you wouldn't. You know that by giving up you would suffer more and you just want to try believing that you would be the exceptional one. I've been through.

I wish you a happy time meeting him. I'm sure it will be wonderful when you two are physically together as you two are so loving. Enjoy the time and do anything you both can to maintain. A normal relationship is never one-way, it's necessary to have maintenance from both sides, and especially it's a Long Distance.

Ganbatte kudasai!

Dear Blue Ice,

I appreciate your giving time to reply to my post, and what valuable advice you have given me.
I felt like you are me, as I was reading your advice Blue Ice, for I am very much aware of those points that you have mentioned, but then my heart telling me to hold on.
It warmed my heart reading your advice, thank you again. So many of those things you mentioned are true.
And they come to me so strong as I know that you have experienced what you shared.

The last time we spoke, we made plans,and I was a bit on cloud nine when he said that he will take 2 days off from work so he can be with me on those 4 days that I will be in his city. I feel it is a big leap to make him take days off from work, and without me mentioning or asking him!
I feel he is doing his best. I feel a little optimistic.Less nervous of our meeting.
This is just our second meeting,Blue Ice.
I love him, and I want to be with him, to at least feel if his words are true, or am I just imagining things brought about by distance.

I maybe be reading it wrong but you mentioned it's just your second meeting?
Which meant you and him decided to be together just after going out once?

Call me cynical but it's hard to maintain a LDR especially when you guys have only been on a date one time.

I can see him working to keep his relationship with you...remember that you guys are communicating in English and the onus is on him and not you.
And when you misunderstand him, he may feel very frustrated as he can't express himself to you despite trying.

I will try to keep things light and not expect too much as this may give him pressure.

@Been there, done that:

"Which meant you and him decided to be together just after going out once?"



Why not? some other LDR topics deal with people who started a romance online without even meeting each other before.

In her case, the OP and the Japanese guy met once and got along well.
At least this is a proof that it actually worked well.

izquierda,

"started a romance online without even meeting each other before."

Everything is possible, but what are the odds that the romance will end well?
I love happy endings but chances are it will probably end up being a statistic.

"In her case, the OP and the Japanese guy met once and got along well.
At least this is a proof that it actually worked well."

Getting along once is not difficult, it's getting along well for a long time that is.

I am a huge believer in making friends online and friendship can blossom into love but it takes facetime (not the app) and real interaction (which is why LDR is hard to maintain).

Hi all.
To "been there done that", I am very much aware, believe me. But I am also very hopeful.
When you love, you hope against hope.
I will keep things light. Thank you

To Izquierda, thank you for your encouragement. I really need that.

Hey there,

I was chatting during msntimes with a Japanese. It lasted almost a year. Very intense, and I knew he got me totally.

In Japan I did not even manage to see him, after sometime he came back to my life, and only after two years, we started talking on Skype. I still recall that day and the overwhelming feeling which came with that.

Fast forward, we are living together now. It has been two years already. And..when I left Japan to stay with him, I did not even see him before.
I just trusted my heart and our lengthy conversations.

I am not advising anyone to do what I did as it had its pros and cons obviously. I took a leap of faith at that time and it revealed to be truth.
It has been almost five years after that first chat. Who would tell? No one.
We are both sharing our life together.

Life can be unpredictable ! Enjoy it safely ! Taking all chances !

If you are having these issues 5 months into the relationship then there are bigger issues. The communication barrier sounds like the biggest issue, my advice is either one of you learn the other language to the point that you can talk and write properly. Or its best to end it, I know its hard to hear but you have to understand that this is one of many bumps that relationships go through and if you are going to have doubts then its best to just walk away. Last thing you want is to go through all this and years go by and you finally realize that all this headache wasn't worth it. Then all your best years are gone and you find yourself in a situation that you just aren't happy with.

@my experience --Thank you, that is so kind of you to share.

@GabeC ---yeah,ALL so true. I'm seeing him next week. I want to be hopeful.
Thank you for sharing.