Can I be close to my Japanese Girlfriend

Oh, I've never heard of skype before..but I don't think it would work to well for me. I have a 56k modem (slow) and she has the same thing I belive. But I will definitly check it out to see if I can. Thanks for the help with that. Since I do want to talk with her as much as I can so I will give it a shot.

Ah there is a 7 hour diffrecne between Sweden and Japan. I understand what you mean, and that sucks you can't talk very much. For me it's a 12 hour diffrence. But I worked it out so that we can talk for a long time. I have been staying up every night for the past year so that I can talk with her..usually I go to bed around 6:00 in the morning. That way I am on her time schedule so that we can send many emails back and forth ^_^.

But Thanks for the assist. Zippocage ^_^ But how much time have I spent with her in real life and not on the net...acutally..none =( Trust me it breaks my heart that I can't be with her. I know a lot of people think I am an idot...falling in Love with a girl I havn't met. But I try to tell people how I have talked with her for over a year. I know her better than anyone else. I have been there for the Happy times ^_^ and the sad ones =( I couldn't help but fall in Love with her ^_^ and when I go to see her parents this summer..it will also be the first time to see her..even thought I already know her very well.

Thanks again ^_^



Oh by the way, how much time have you spent in real life and not on the net?


by Zippocage

You are very welcome, Dave.

BTW, I think her parents understand English more than you would think. You said that she said they knew the basic words like hello and good-bye but trust me, they know much more. I am sure they know these words like
good, nice, beautiful, wonderful,cute(all the words apply to your GF!)...also they know a lot of nouns in English like table, chair, tea, telephone, train, ticket..you name it.Can you say those words in Japanese?;-)
Try to use very simple words and enjoy communicating with them! I know they will enjoy talking with you.

One more thing, you said that she said you could hold her in front of her parents but I don't think it is a good idea. They might feel funny about it. It is not because of you, it is just one of the culture things. I am in my 30's and I've never seen my parents who are happily married kissed each other. This is our culture.
I know it is tough for you but just try not to touch her in front of them. It's just a few hours unless they follow your trip,ha-ha.
I don't hold my American husband's hand in front of my family either.

Make sure you've got no holes in your socks! You have to take your shoes off at her place and some other places:-)

Hi again, I am using this to call my Mom in Japan.
It is only 4 cents/minute. Check this out!

http://www.pincity.com/

Thank You again Kei ^_^ I appreciate the help ^_^. But you do think her parents understand English a lot more than I know..I will have to watch what I say haha.

But I am Glad they could understand some basic words that would apply to her like Cute, Pretty, Beutiful, Lovely and so on ^_^ Since I need them to understand how I feel about there daugter.

But I can't speak Japanese very well at all..I mean..she taught me to say "I Love You" So that I can say her name and tell them that I Love her. I know how to say "Thank You, Hello, Goodbye, Yes, No, Gilrfriend, Boyfriend, but that's about it. So I hope that I can get by enough so that I can talk with them..they sound like nice people ^_^ They don't really want to let her move to the U.S.A...but the more than understand our relatioshiop the more they want to let her move.

Oh..I can't hold her infornt of her parents =( and..you have never seen your parents kiss, I don't think I could do that..

But your right..I only have to wait a few hours..until we can be in her room or something so that I can hold her or give her a kiss.

I respect the Japanese culture very much...I am just a hopeless romanctic..and like being able to kiss and hold the girl I Love ^_^ But I completly understand that I can't and I can wait ^_^ Yeah I hope they won't come along with us to the hotel. I mean I will get her a separte room to make them feel better..but..I can still walk down the hall to be with her.

Could I ask if holding hands in public is OK?

Thanks again ^_^
P.S. Thanks for the Pincity web address ^_^ I will give it a shot ^_^

Hi Dave,
Yes, holding hands in public is Okay!(Finally!)
As for kissing...It's up to you. Actually, some young couples kiss in public nowadays. Maybe light kissing is better though:-)

Enjoy!

Hi again Kei
Oh, holding hands in public is OK (Thank God ^_^)

But kissing in public is up for debate..since some younger couples do kiss

Actually she asked me if I could not kiss in public either..because it would make her feel embarrased in front of her friends..but..I asked her if I could steal a kiss really quick..and she said I could ^_^

So I think just a light kiss once or twice would be OK ^_^ I want her to feel comfortable with me..so if she dosn't want me to I won't. She is just So Pretty to me ^_^ I think I might have to have a couple ^_^

She dosn't think she is pretty or cute..wich I can't understand because I think she is the most attractive girl I have ever seen ^_^ There is no one prettier to me than she is ^_^ (but I am seeing her throught a boyfriends eyes so I might have a haze of Love around me haha) But by kissing her she knows how attracted I am to her because she is a Very Pretty and Cute Girl ^-^

Thank You again Kei

I am Sorry to bother you all again with another question..but I have a serios problem that I need to ask..you see..my girlfriend has hear girls day..and she is always in a lot of pain..can she take any medicine to help herself, or could there be some reason that she isn't alowed to take any.

I want so badly to send her some midol or something to help with the pain..what can I do..I can't bear to have her feel so much pain ;_;...thank's for the help

Dave..

Hi there,
Poor girl, she has been in so much pain. There are some medicines she can take such as bufferin,Eve and so on.
I don't know why she doesn't want to take any but she may be concerned about side effects which I don't think there is any harm.

Or possibly this might be the reason... There is a saying "Patience is virtue."
I think that there is very much the idea in Japanese psyche of this saying.
In fact, only 1% of Japanese women who have a natural birth have an epidural.
No pain killer at all, usually!
Can you believe this?

I am glad that I had babies in the States;-)

Her pain should go away in a couple of days so just be extra sweet.

Hi again Kei,
Thank You for answering my post so quickly ^-^ I apprecaite that a lot..^-^

But there are medicines over there (like buffering,Eve and others)..yes..she tells me that she is worried about side effects that might occur from takeing these medicines to much..and..she wants very badly to have a baby..so she dosn't want to take any chances.

But a factor might be that with the idea of "Patients is a virtue"? So the idea of just waiting for it to end is what most men and women generally think in Japan...I..I respect her culture and the Japanese culture a lot ^-^ But..when it comes to the health and care of my special Girl I don't care about any culture..I want her to feel better...it kills me to be stuck over here and know she is haveing such terrible pain all by herself..her mother definitly tells her the "Patients is a Virtue" saying since her mother wants her to tough it out..

I know her pain won't last very long (usually 2-3 days) and then it will go away..it still hurts me so badly to know that my Girlfriend is in pain..and there isn't a darn thing I can do about it...I would give anything in the world if I could just be there when she needs me..I mean...I spend a fortune on my telephone bill once a month..Since I like to have her call me ^-^ We stay on the phone for an hour or two each day..it takes a while..because when she feels the pain I have to wait..before she can talk again...but while I wait I say "It will be OK" and of course tell her how much I Love Her ^-^

She says just being able to hear my voice on the phone makes her feel better so I talk as long as we can ^-^

Thank You again for the help...and for always giving me advice...I need all the help I can get haha

But Thanks again ^_^

Thank's once again for the help. She is feeling better now..so I feel better to ^_^ When ever it gets around this time..my sadness and longing is at it's peak since I want to be there with her. It's hard to figth the sadness of not not having some one who is so Special to you physically there with you in your life. But I Love Her ^-^ So I would wait a million years if I had to...as long as I know I get to see her.

Thank You for the adive.

Dave ^_^

Dear Dave,

I have some ideas that may help your girlfriend, since I had pretty awful "girl's days" myself when I was her age (I'm 31 now.), however, I don't want to scare off other people who might not want to hear anyone talk about medical care.
Go ahead and email me at this address, I don't mind, it's my "public" email. Tararsgirl@hotmail.com
I have to take medications for my arthritis and migraines, so I am very used to ibuprofin and such, so I have some tips about them, and some non-medicine ideas that may help as well. Tell her also, that within a few years, she may not have this problem at all. Most womenly cycles will change slowly, so that about every seven years, it's very diffeerent than 7 years ago. So within a few yrs, it may getter better (or worse, no way to tell, sorry.)
I would like your advice, is one of you using a Japanese-English translating software or dictionary? I'd like to start learning Japanese, just some basic stuff.

Thanks again Tara ^_^
I think it was a good idea to use discretion..since I know some people don't like to talk about medical problems..especilly involving this subject. Acutally..personally I don't like to talk about it that much either..but when it involves my Special Lady I don't mind and I am very grateful for all the help and tips that you could give for me ^_^

I think we are both crossing our fingers that this will get better over time..instead of getting worse ^_^

Thanks again..Dave.

I totally sympathize with you and support your efforts. I talk to my Japanese girl friend every day (we are both in our fifties) for at least an hour. I use a phone card - the kind you can buy in any convenience store. It costs me about two dollars to talk for an hour. The only problem is that the phone card works only when I call her house phone, not her cell phone; also, she cannot use a phone card to call me. So I do all the calling. But it's so cheap. You can talk to your girl all the time! Good luck!

Hey Pete,
Can I ask you a quick question? I know about the phone cards and how they are a lot cheaper..but..can I call her house without it charging her phone line..it's her parents house so I don't want to charge them anything.

I know if I call her cell it charges her because we are using both out minutes..but I didn't know how their regular phone system works. Is it like over here were if you call some one's house they aren�ft charged and only you are because you dialed and made the call.

It would be Great if I could call her without it costing her any money, if anybody knows this info without a shadow of a doubt please post something, I would appreciate that a lot ^_^

Yeah I don't mind fitting the bill for this if it would work ^_^ Actually..I end up paying more than she does to talk since in her cell phone plan it includes international calling. But it's only like 15 minutes so..we spend a lot of money to talk for an hour every month..It cost me a lot..but I don't care..I Love her ^_^ But..I'm praying the hole calling card to home phone thing will work ^_^

Thanks again,
Dave

Im no expert or anything when it comes to the culture but chances are if they are willing to let a white guy see there japanese daughter, they are not exactly traditional. I think , just relax and everything will be fine and just go with your feelings in the moment.Im sure you will be able to read her parents with no problems right away and they are expecting some awkwardness as well.Hope this helps a bit.

And also i forgot to mention , as far as the phone thing goes, get a Vonage system. It goes through your computer and its basically Voice over IP and its crystal clear and its only 25 bucks a month and you can talk as much as you want.my mother is in U.A.E. and she calls Canada and its just like a regular call here.

Thanks about the Vonage thing..I already looked into it but..can't afford it at the moment (also it's my fathers house and PC so he wouldn't exactly be keen on teh idea. But I am still wondering about the phone card thing ( I can swing that price tag haha) But will it charge her phone if I call it..I don't want to charge her family anything if we rack up a huge bill haha.

I can see your point about her family maybe..not being traditinal..I guess they do like me since she has told me on more than one occasion her mother does (hopefully she is being truthful and not saying what I want to hear haha)

Actually..our plans changed and she will be flying to see me on Christmas..her mother said I can't visit her in late summer =( because of the fact that she feels she needs to study for a exam that she will take late in the following month..

But she'll come to see me so I can't meet her parents...wich I don't like since I wanted them to meet me first..but I'll keep my fingers crossed about this one. So I can see her soon.

Thanks again,
Dave.

why don't you just ask her?
they are her parents.
she should know what is the best.

Yeah, Cheetah
I could just ask..but they don't know that much about internatinal calls..so I don't know if because I am calling a long way..and into another country if she might be charged for the call..sorry for the troulbe..but it's no big deal..I should be able to figure it out..^_^

Thanks again,
Dave.

I read your situation Dave and there are certain similarities with mine.I don�t normally write replies but I hope my experience can help you since you seem such a genuine guy. I met my Japanese fianc� in England whilst she was studying here. We fell in love immediately; I have never known anyone as kind, loving and beautiful as she is - Rather like your feelings dave. When she had to go back to Japan (her visa expired) we got engaged. That was two years ago, and we have been having a long distance relationship for two years now (god it�s tough isn�t it!). Talking every day on the phone or internet -we both have internet cameras so it�s like she is in the next room�not on the other side of the world! We are planning our future together.
I visited her and her parents in Kyoto at xmas and I went through all the worries that you did. Looking back I needn�t have worried so much, her parents were not so strict and made me feel really welcome and part of the family. I learnt as much Japanese as I could (it�s amazing what motivation can do for you) before and bought her parents some gifts(some English things, since it makes it more special then a gift which they can easily get in Japan) My fianc� said she didn�t know how her parents would respond to me kissing her in front of them so she said it was best not to do. Like you, I�m very open with my feelings and like to show my affection but I told her I didn�t mind and just wanted her to feel comfortable. Actually towards the end of my stay, we were a lot more affectionate in front of her parents, but I waited for my fianc� to take the lead in this matter and I think you should too. My fiance�s parents were fine about it and it was good for them to see how much I love their daughter.
My fianc� had to work a few days and I was left alone with her mum sometimes! But actually the language barrier was not a problem�you can get by with a smattering of Japanese and like some other people have mentioned she probably knows a few English words. Besides, it is a good opportunity to get to know her future son in law! My fianc�s mother did ask me the �How can you look after my daughter in the future� question one evening. But this is to be expected. She wouldn�t ask this, if she didn�t think your relationship with her daughter was serious. I�m sure she will see your good nature and how much you care for her daughter.
I had a wonderful time with my fianc� in Japan. Japan has some truly beautiful places and I had the best time of my life and I�m know you will have a great time too! Don�t feel too bad about not going not being able to go to Japan first. After all it�s a great opportunity for you and your girlfriend to get to know each other in the real world � just the two of you. My advice to you is make the most of the time you have together. Every moment is precious. Now my fianc� is gone, I am left with lots of wonderful memories but I also regret lots of little things - i wish I could have held her hand longer or said I love her more. Silly, I know, but this is what a long distance does to you! Also you will meet her parents at some point so you have that to look forward to! Oops, I didn�t mean to write so much, sorry! Hope it helps Dave and Goodluck with everything