Cohabitation is only a very recent thing in Japan and only a fraction of a percent practice it. And those who do, do so(as some of you have already pointed out,) in view of getting married in the coming months.
I write because I think some of you who do not know Japan well might be underestimating the meaning of this in Japan. I assure you, most Japanese people will NOT view cohabitation, as some of you expressed, "testing the water". If you do start living together with this understanding and without opening your eyes to the impact it has to the Japanese family concerned, you may not be able to catch signals sent to you in form of certain comments or behaviors, and you will be just try to give you an explanation by labeling them as being so conservative and therefore labeling yourself as liberal.
Let me tell you what I think, because I think it's different how we position cohabitation in Japan than in the West.
Let's say there is the "dating" stage on one end and "married" stage on the other, on a single line. Where would you put "cohabitation"? I think the miscommunication(if I may call it as such) arises from the difference in the distance you put cohabitation from one end to the other.
Those who think "testing the water" might be considering cohabitation closer to the "dating" stage. On the other hand in Japan, we put it closer to (and often as part of) the "married"(or semi-married) stage.
I think, being Japanese myself, we understand that if you are still at the "testing the water" stage, you are not ready for marriage yet, therefore no right to living together(which is part of marriage). If you absolutely want to live together without getting married, then you need permission from the family to do so, but they would most likely ask how serious you are about the relationship with the person(because for them, it's darn serious!), meaning whether you have the intent to get married. If not, you probably won't get permission or even if you do, not get encouragements or even get negative comments and reactions all the way until you do. You may say the decision to live together or not only concerns you and your partner and not the family. Wroooong. The family tries to keep "good" communication with neighbors have or friends. Family news is always on their general topic, so questions like "how is your son/daughter doing? Is he/she married yet?" would be brought up nearly every time they would meet. If you decide to live together, the first thing your future Japanese mother-in-law or father-in-law would have to face is, how to explain this situation.
Imagine you just want to "test the water". And the neighbor of the parents of your partner has the notion that cohabitation is part of marriage, but the parents know that their son/daughter still has a "testing period" to go through. More than likely, they will not say anything about you two living together. It can be quite tough for the parents if you are living near them and neighbors see that you and your partner are simply living together. Cohabitation without the intent of marriage is not well perceived at all.
It is true that when you live together, you will see things in your partner that you hadn't seen when you were just dating. But in Japan, people put importance on the "kejime" or "isagiyosa". Commitment when taking a decision and sticking to the position you decided to take. Consequences that arise from this decision are to be dealt with.
So I guess cohabitation approached from the "let's test the water" attitude would be perceived as not having the commitment and therefore not welcomed by the Japanese family.
"Testing the water" might be a practical approach. If you don't get along well, you can always back off so it leaves you space. Sure. But it is also true that relationships have become more of a commodity. I don't know if this has something to do with the society of consumption or if we're just used to getting what we want in a second and then throwing stuff away when we don't like them. It leaves us perhaps with the illusion that there is someone better out there, a Mr or Ms Perfect for you, numerous possibilities...
We have become more individualistic and this is not so compatible with having a married life which in a way binds us to a specific individual and having responsibilities you don't necessarily want. And since there are ups and downs in a relationship, we might want to see through before really taking that step to marriage...
But there are moments in life when you just have to jump, and in that sense, I like the Japanese approach to make that commitment, even if you may not know everything about your partner. If things don't turn out exactly the way you want, well, that's life too. We will probably go on testing and then if things we don't like appear, say it's not how I want to spend my life and go out looking for that Perfect person... So we DO need that social pressure from family or people to jump. It helps to see if we have the (sorry for the expression, but...) "balls" to take that step, or not. If you're not up to it but still want to just live together, well, then you're seen(if you're a guy,) a wimp...
There was a lot of digression in what I said and of course that doesn't reflect the whole of the society. But I just wanted to get an opinion out as a Japanese on this topic.
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