My girlfriend and affection

That's quite an assertion about age and experience there, @EJ. May I ask how old you are? Because I am middle-aged and pretty darned experienced and I still stand by what I said above.

@MeHere, I meant no harm, and I feel that was adequately expressed in my post. I specifically stated that it was a lot of the replies, not ALL of the replies. I just looked for your name to see which reply was yours, and it was wonderful. Very mature, professional, and thought-out advice for our OP. Unfortunately, perhaps due to possibly not having the experience of dating a Japanese person for an extended period of time, you gave him advice on how to cope in a relationship between two people who have different personalities - one who likes to do things independently, and one who likes to do things together more often. This is great advice, it really is! It just won't help the OP at all, unless he begins dating someone within his own culture again. I am sorry, but I have to repeat this: The OP's issue is completely cultural. Sure, you can choose not to believe me, but I am living it RIGHT NOW, and have been living it for 3 1/2 years, guys. My fiance and I even regularly openly discuss these cultural differences TOGETHER. She openly admits to the cultural differences discussed in the OP's post (we READ IT TOGETHER!), and sees the differences in her Japanese friends when she visits Japan twice a year, every year. This is not something I am just making up as a crazy person looking for excuses to give myself for petty personality differences between myself and my lover - these are pure facts that the western culture and the far east culture simply show affection with completely different frequency and in completely different manners.

I know I am repeating myself, but there really is no way to convince you, or anyone else, I guess, until you actually experience it for yourself. I feel like the boy who cried wolf, haha. "Why won't anyone believe me!?" - but, it's okay. I know that even if BernieHoff never reads my reply (if he is even still with the same woman), someday someone who is already currently in a relationship with a Japanese woman, will find this forum and gain use out of my post. It will save them so much time, effort and even headache. 3 1/2 years, and I am still learning more and more everyday I am with her. Believe me, just when you think you understand one aspect of a cultural difference between you two, later on, weeks, months, even years from then, it will creep back up on you in a different format...you won't recognize it at first, but then you will realize, "Oh, wow...this must tie back in to how--" blah blah blah.

Your post was one of the best given, actually. It just doesn't apply to BernieHoff, unfortunately - not right now, at least. Anyone dating within their own culture will benefit greatly from reading it, though! Thank you for your understanding.

You know, maybe it IS a cultural thing to some extent because I am not American (or Japanese) and based on what has been written here about your relationship expectations, both you and the OP sound WAY too high maintenance for me.

No offence intended, obviously.

All these people took the time to reply and the OP can't even say thank you or respond even once? No comments about opinions? How rude. Perhaps there's more to his girl giving him the cold shoulder than he's led on here.

In any case, the OP didn't give enough information. He said they're living together, but didn't say how long they've been dating, living together, and whether it's in Japan or in the US. He should have also revealed his age and dating experience.

His case sounds way too extreme to be solely a cultural thing. First, let me say I've heard this same situation described to me by multiple American friends dating American girls. There are just some women (and men) in every country that aren't big on affection. Hell, believe it or not, some don't even like sex that much. It's also hard to tell, but you could be the overly needy/insecure type, which would make the situation even worse if she's not into affection. For example, just because you're living together it doesn't mean you shouldn't have your own hobbies and do your own thing, especially if you're young. Another reason you can't blame it solely on culture is it's quite obvious she's not the most traditional Japanese girl in the first place if she's dating an American.

The point is it's not black/white, there could be many things going on here.

Let me add... If she hasn't already dumped you, which would explain the silence from your end, you may want to consider ending the relationship because it seems you two are on opposite sides of the spectrum. It doesn't even matter if it's a cultural thing... You're in need of affection and she's not, so it won't work.