Am I asking too much?

Mushi,

@Sakura, Fishing and insect? Really, are you thinking to survive living in Japan by only 2 those words?

If I wasn't able to speak any Japanese, I wouldn't have been able to communicate with my online boyfriend at all.
The only language he speaks is Japanese.
I even mentioned this earlier, but, obviously, you didn't even bother reading my previous comments where I explain my situation in more detail.

mushiは無視にする

@_@さん、

mushiは無視にする


そうですよ！笑

if the OP knows Japanese (language), you should know that "人を利用する(use a person)" is what is the mostly avoided(hated) in Japanese people.

Hi sakura,

If he has gotten vague about the question of how to finance your trip to Japan, it either means that he is not ready to give you an answer because he is still considering how to pay for it, or (and unfortunately this is more likely) he is not willing to pay for your trip but does not want to directly say "no" to you. In either case, you should not mention it again. Don't start to wonder if he forgot or anything, just let it be.

I would continue to correspond with him normally for about a month (in case he *is* working out the details), and if he hasn't brought it up again himself, you have your answer: "no, I won't/can't pay for you to come visit."

Because he offered in the past, you weren't wrong to ask, no matter what some people here are saying/implying. But if you and he both can't/won't pay to visit each other, you will have to decide if such a relationship does have a future...

Good luck.

I agree with DanH. You've asked and he's being vague. Let it be unless he brings it up again.

Focus on yourself, and your need to work. W

Thank you DanH2009 and Amyranth for the wise and helpful tips!

1. You said you are not a "Gold Digger" but you actually calculated his less than 300yen gift to you by mail. That's kinda rude...
2. You are expecting a local guy who is a temp worker (Probably making around 200k yen/mth) to sponsor your trip to visit him.
3. If you have a recognized degree, why don't you try to secure a full time job before flying there.
4. If I were to sponsor a girl to visit me, I jolly well expect to get some "Value" back.

PS:
I find my 100k yen - Cartier gift to her (Now wife) too cheap when we were dating (I'm not millionaire yet)
Tip: You shouldn't ask direct but you may "hint" to Japanese if you like something from them.

You said you are not a "Gold Digger" but you actually calculated his less than 300yen gift to you by mail. That's kinda rude...

Says the guy who brags about his ultra expensive gifts to his wife when they were dating. Interesting observation, TokyoBoy.

I find my 100k yen - Cartier gift to her (Now wife) too cheap when we were dating (I'm not millionaire yet)

Your bragging is even more rude than my mere 300 yen calculation. You shouldn't worry about my calculations, you should worry about your wife's calculations instead.
You are basically trying to say: "Hey look! My wife is so amazing, I buy her very expensive presents! Anyone who gets less from a man, must be worthless"

I never demand expensive presents from my boyfriend, FYI. I'm not interested in expensive material goods. I find them boring. The most valuable thing for me is that he loves me, respect me, works hard and is loyal. No amount of super expensive gifts can undervalue these.

I ain't trying to brag about my gifts nor my wife fyi...
100k yen isn't "ultra" or something to brag about anyway.
My point is to say that this is a common thing here.

If you feel in any way that I discolored your fantasy for a lovely relationship, then I apologize.

You claimed you never demand expensive present from bf, so may you pls define you plan to ask for sponsorship of your trip to Japan from him and probably paying for your expenses till you can find income...?

You may say that you have not ask him yet but you are planning if you have the chance, that's why you are asking for opinions here.

Anyway I'm just sharing my bit here, but if you look at it in another way that's fine with me.

So good luck and I hope you can have the chance to experience the "Land of Reality" here.

If you feel in any way that I discolored your fantasy for a lovely relationship, then I apologize.

So good luck and I hope you can have the chance to experience the "Land of Reality" here.

You either misunderstand me or you intentionally try to undermine my reasoning.
Where in my thread did I give the impression that I view Japan with rose colored glasses?
Anyway, I wasn't looking for applause, just for opinions.
Thanks for taking the time to reply to my question, TokyoBoy.

Sakura, the TokyoBoy was just trying to bust your chops and get attention (which he migh not be getting enough of from his gift-showered wife). Please don't pay attention to trolls, as they only pollute the internet.

To answer your question: Since your Japanese guy has offered it beofre, you should just mention wanting to take him up on his offer of him paying for your visit. If you put it nicely, and he is terribly offended, then you might want to reconsider your future hopes for building a stable relationship with him.

Since your Japanese guy has offered it beofre, you should just mention wanting to take him up on his offer of him paying for your visit. If you put it nicely, and he is terribly offended, then you might want to reconsider your future hopes for building a stable relationship with him.

Thank you Katerinrin!
I will have this in mind.
Have a good day :)

How can someone claim to have a boyfriend, if they never met in reality ?
Where is this world going ?
I would understand a girl, like me, in her twenties, having a big crush on someone..
You don`t have a job, with a master degree.

If I were you I would ask I myself If there is something to fix about myself. Later I would look for boyfriend in real life, close to me, where I can afford to be a woman in 30s, not having to depend on a Japanese guy overseas.

How can someone claim to have a boyfriend, if they never met in reality ?
Where is this world going ?
I would understand a girl, like me, in her twenties, having a big crush on someone..
You don`t have a job, with a master degree.
If I were you I would ask I myself If there is something to fix about myself. Later I would look for boyfriend in real life, close to me, where I can afford to be a woman in 30s, not having to depend on a Japanese guy overseas.

This is a typical juvenile response by someone who knows nothing about someone, hence the judgmental tone.

How can someone claim to have a boyfriend, if they never met in reality ?
Where is this world going ?
I would understand a girl, like me, in her twenties, having a big crush on someone..
You don`t have a job, with a master degree.
If I were you I would ask I myself If there is something to fix about myself. Later I would look for boyfriend in real life, close to me, where I can afford to be a woman in 30s, not having to depend on a Japanese guy overseas.

This is a typical juvenile response by someone who knows nothing about someone, hence the judgmental tone.

I agree completely. It is very easy to point and wave the judgmental finger at the comfort of our own cozy job and relationship, to people who lack them. Such is the reality of life.
Well, I guess it can't be helped.

If I were to be her friend, and heard this story I would express doubts about such situation.
Thoughts about her age, her financial situation and this online friend, whom she has never met before.
Some time ago, there was a young lovely girl who posted a similar question and was attacked for her naive attitude in trusting a sort of wealthy online Japanse boy-friend.
I felt sorry for her, eventually we became friends and I devoted some time listening to her relationship with this man.
You know what happepend?

He paid for her ticket and hotel expenses very willingly as he could afford it. Once in Japan he turned out to be a total jerk.
He didn`t show up and besides that showed a very confused behaviour.
and prior to her trip to japan, he visited her in her country of origin, behaving as gentleman.
How could she predict that this man was just a tormented soul?

The girl, in this case, was much younger and somehow had the naive right to believe that things would turn fine in some way or the other. ..

This is to say, that fairy tales belong to Disney this is why people, young children love to watch them. Right?
According to my point of view, the original OP, a lady aged 35 with a master degree sounds just nothing but naive and ridicolous.
If I were to be her, I would save enough money to be totally indipendent enjoying a trip to Japan. Stay there long enough to understand him, even if life shows that sometimes years are not enough..
Its incredibly easy to prented being someone else behind a screen of a computer.
In short, knowing someone local its a much better choice and if he is so into her, I would expect him not offering a trip but coming to visit her first, which I suppose he will never do as its easy to blab offering a trip.

According to my point of view, the original OP, a lady aged 35 with a master degree sounds just nothing but naive and ridicolous.

@My opinion,

The story you shared is interesting.
However, your assumption about me is wrong. You compare me to a much younger younger girl who is probably a teenager with little to no life experience.
My situation is quite different from that of the girl you mentioned.
I have had guys who declared their "love" for me and even suggested that we get married, all to turn out that it is not what they wanted to begin with. I have experienced my fair share of disappointment and heartbreak. And not just in the romantic department. My point is, I do have some life experience.
However, the man I met seems to be different.
He is frequently expressing his desire to marry me, says how special I am and that I'm the best for him. This coming from a middle aged man. According to your logic, he must also be immature.
To be honest, even though I wish he would help finance my trip, so that we finally see each other personally,without wasting any more time, I'm also glad that he didn't do it, because of the possible ramifications that would happen, in the event that things might not turn as we wished them to.
I would strongly prefer to save that money myself and go visit him on my own accord.
However, the employment problem is so severe in my country, that I'm still unemployed and got worried that so much time has passed and we have yet to see each other.
My online friend/boyfriend/whatever, is not wealthy at all, actually.
You see, he was honest enough to tell me the truth about his financial situation.
A guy who tries hard to impress a young naive girl online, would have used a different tactic and would have lied about his financial status big time, right?
My friend has never tried to impress me, neither with sweet sugar coated promises, nor with expensive presents.
I believe that we are two adults who happened to be lonely, looking for companionship. Our biggest issue currently, is the lack of funds to materialize a meeting in real life, that's it.
I'm by no means holding my hopes high and neither is he. However, we showed each other that in the event we might indeed like each other in real life, a marriage is a high possibility.
I'm sorry for your friend's experience. I hope she finds someone better who will appreciate her.

@Is it really the case?

Even though the things you said do make sense in theory, reality can be very different.

Oh sakura,

Her story is something to think about. I've heard and seen many case like that of all age. Even at your age. Just be careful of because people can be different from being online, even though you've talked and camera everyday, you don't get to see what they are like in person. You just got to know them in person before going an extreme as marriage with someone you haven't known that long in person. If I were you, I rather work hard and save up to travel then having him pay for my ticket. Even if it takes a while. Why because as some people mention, it might not turn out the way you want. If something goes wrong, you owe this man. You know if someone is serious about you, they are willing to wait. Hopefully, he isn't the Jerk type. Good Luck :)

Thank you everyone for the replies and tips you offered so far.
Recently, he seems to have become more distant than before.
Whenever I talk to him, he replies to me with things like: "はい", "そうだね","そうですよ", "そうだといい" and "そのとうり".
Even though he is short-spoken usually, he was never that laconic with me before.
I don't know what is going on. I have read somewhere that the moment a Japanese man begins to not talk much, is the moment when he has become serious, while other sources claim that it is the opposite and that when a Japanese man appears to be more distant, then he is more likely losing interest. I don't know what to believe.
I asked him: "What is going on recently? You seem different. Please tell me"
I'm going to give him some time on that one.
I will update on his response (if I get one).
By the way, I didn't even bring up the topic about the trip and how am I supposed to get there. If he really wants me there, then he will offer it himself and insist on it.
I'm in no place to tell a grown up man how he should behave with a woman.