Can I be close to my Japanese Girlfriend

First I need to Thank You for this story of your life ^_^ I know I have gotten a lot of advice..but it's hard for others to really get into my head..and understand how my feelings are for this girl. There are a million people who say it won't work..and only a few who think it wil. Some times I can feel like I am trying to run up a hill..but the ground is just slipping beneath my feet and I can't get any head way.

But if anyone was close to what I feel and whats going on you are definitly right on the money ^_^ I apprecaite the reply and all the good advice ^_^

I would give anything to have been able to have your experince...since..you could fall in Love in person seeing her and having her with you for a while so you could get engaged ^_^

I know exactly how you feel about the distance..I agree 100%..God it's really hard..every day it feels like my heart is being twisted because of the longing and lose. Count your lucky stars that you could be with her..I haven't even seen my Special Girl...that hurts more than anything..having fallen in Love..and never seeing your loves face...sometimes it gets tough as heck...but..I don't know how she does it..but she always mangages to make me feel better ^_^ I can't describe how she does it..but my heart always feels better after talking with her ^_^

Yeah I would really like to get a web cam..she has a fast internet connection..but mine is as slow as syrup haha. So I don't know if I can. I mean..we can only talk on the phone for an hour a month..but..were the same as you and your fiance..we talk every single day ^_^ Usually about 10 emails a day ^_^ and we have kept this pace for over a year now..I can't go a day withou talking with her.

But..as far as kissing goes your fiance said the same thing about not trying any kissing or holding hands while in front of her parents..yeah I think letting her lead is a good idea ^_^ To be honest she said I could do what ever I like..but it would be better to not kiss or anything..I have no problem not doing that..but it still kill's me not to be able to..she is So Cute and Pretty ^_^ But if it helps I don't mind.

I tried my best to describe how much I Love there daughter..I sent a letter to her mother..and then she translated it for me. I'm still waiting for the response..hopefully it's a good one. I pored my heart out in it try to let her know..but of course seeing them in person would be best.

I am desperete to let her parents understand me..I guess she is really worried about her visting me...since I'm a guy and she belives all I want to do is have sexual relations with her. It makes me a little upset that she asumes that..I'm an honorable guy. I would never force anything like that apon her..I Love her ^_^ But I don't know of any way to make her parents understand me..without actually going over there. So I do wish I could visit her first so they could meet me..thenk know how much I Love there daugter..I think ^_^

But yeah..I know every single second I can spend with her is so presisios..since..we can only be together for a week or two..=( As soon as she steps off that plane I will not let go..even for a second..I want to remeber her touch in my mind..since I will have to wait so long to have it again. I want to spend sometime with just her and me alone..but..I live with my family so I can't think of any way I can just be with her..theres always some one in my house..always..I can't just be alone with her..so I need to spend every second I can..if anything..just holding her hand ^_^ I still have to wait to kiss her..I mean...a peck on the cheeck is no big deal over here..but a real kiss..that needs to be done in private. She says I can be tender with her. She would like it and so would I ^_^ I will do what I have to to be with her..I don't care who I have to fight or what I have to do..as long as I feel her Love for me..and have the same feelings for her we can wait a year or two..and then stay together in the U.S.A.

Sorry if I rambeld to much..I've got a lot on my mind. You can understand how strong that Love can be..even thought there is such a great distance between the two of us. The feelings are just as strong as ones I would have for anyone else in this world.

Thanks again,
Dave

some pointers.
1) if you're a native speaker of english, speak/type it properly (whole, not hole etc), if not no worries, its pretty good!

don't expect too much to happen when you get to japan. i wouldn't be 'overly' cute towards her (you might need to grow-up/mature a little first).
You sound kinda obsessed with her; but remember, you've only talked over the net in her other language, so . . . think how you would talk to her if she wasn't "kawaii / japanese" & treat her like a normal person, not some prize object.

Be realistic, respect her culture and parents, and at least make the effort to learn some japanese.

An skype is fine on dialup, i use it all over the world and it really is ok; talking once a month is less than i talk to my bank manager!

As far as being overly cute goes..in person I am a very reserved kind of guy. Just causing a scene makes me feel really nervous. Especilly when I am around someone who means so much to me.

I know what you are saying..but it ticks me off when guys treat girls as objecst. I really hate that. You have to understand. She was my Friend first. When ever we talk I talk with her as I would a normal good friend who I trust and enjoy being around. Of course there is a lot more now because we Love one another.

As far as respecting her culture goes I have a lot of respect for it..and..when I am with her parents i'll be affraid to even breath wrong around them haha. So just bieng able to relax and show my respect for them and there daughter should be OK when I see them.

But skype is OK on dialup, sweet ^_^ I'll definitly have to give it a shot.

Thanks Jamese
Dave

by Jamese

I'm a 22 old years french man , my girlfriend is japanese and she got 19.
She was in France last year and i meet her and, we fall in love bothly (my english suck a little...)
When she return to Japan, i couldn't forget her, so i go to his parents home and meet them, also we made trip in the Big city.
Her parents lives in country side (Akita)and it was a good thing( country/city) to discover the land.
I just would to say to you for me, i was like in a dream , and for her family, i feel like i was their son, so , don't stress and think about all the good times you will take .
You can also make a training for sitting like Buddha.(In my girlfriend's family, there was no chair )And we joke a lot on this subject because when people are standing again, they got a strange walk (not only gaijin).
If the father wants to go to the onsen with you, accept , it's a great experience.
Every body welcome me greatfully .I hope it will be the same for you.
Plus the culture and the cooking are very fresh and delicious, i was in paradise !!Nowadays , i 'm in France, but i continue to learn japanez and i want to live in Japan in a nearly
future.

That's all, enjoy !!!
PS:I hope your girl is not the same of me, where she studying ?

Don't worry we have diffrent girls ^_^ She lives in Fukushima prefectur north of Tokyo and she's still in high school so no worry's there haha ^_^

I would give anything to have the experinces almost everyone else here has had...every one I know who has fallen in Love with a Japanese girl or boy has met them and spent time with them..even if it was just for a little while. As for me..I am So Much in Love with her ^_^ But I havn't even been able to touch her yet..that drives you crazy..being so close..yet so far away...but heck..she's worth every mintue of it ^_^

I am Glad that her family welcomed you so openly ^_^ To be honest I think if I did visit that her family would be the same and welcome me into there home..even if they were't to thriled about my visit haha.

Yeah I can sit like Buddha..but..thank goodness there family does have a chairs haha.

But if her father ask me to go to a onsen I should go..can I ask what that is specificly..I mean..I can ask my girlfriend just thought I would ask if anyone here knew.

Yeah I Love her cultur..not sure about the food thought I have a sensitvie stomach..but I like seafood so it should be all good ^_^

Thanks again,
Dave

Well I havn't said anything here for a while so I figured what the heck haha.

Well I am still with my Lovely Lady and am Very Happy being here with her ^_^

However things with her parents are not going so good..I was supposed to visit her this summer but her mother nixed that idea saying she needed to study wich is very understandable.

Then we made plans for her to visit me in American this Christmas ^_^ That got canceled because her mother didn't think she could afford flying over here twice. Wich once again is understandable so I said "No problem ^_^ I will fly to you instead" She asked her mother a few days ago and the answer was.."NO"..I am really ticked off right now..I said "Can you ask one more time for me..just ask if I can stay for three or four days..once again "NO" and she got mad at her for asking again.

I asked why her mother said that..her reasons were that #1 Her father will be very busy working #2 Her mother will be getting ready for New Years #3 Her mother wants her to work at a part time job..now..all the other things we can work around..except the part time job...

OK..does anyone else think it is stupid to work a part time job for only two weeks!? I understand money is good but..have a little heart..she would probaly only earn about $150 for working and thats talking on the high side..I would give her that money if her mom would let me visit her.

I mean just for a few days would be wonderful the rest I would stay in a hotel..but her mother will not budge..she says her mother likes me..I have a hard time beleving that..if she did she might make a tiny exception..and let me come for just a few days in there house.

Feel free to speak your opinion but I just think it's redicules to work for two measily weeks..we both miss each other deeply..she cried for over an hour apologizing to me for this..I told her it's not her fault at all and I know it's not ^_^ At the moment..I am pretty ticked off at her mother..god she is cold..I was hopeing for a little heart from her at least at this time of year..but I guess not..now I have to wait until Summer to see her..I could see her in March she says..but I asked her "Do you think your mom will let me come or will she make you work?' She said "Yeah..she will probably have me work..so we can't meet until the summer when I come over there (U.S.)"

Anyways that's my story so far..I even bought her a couple ring that I wanted to give to her at her house..putting it on her little finger..now I have to send it in a package nad have her open it alone..

Thanks for your time everyone.

Dave.

Hey Dave, my honest opinion. If I were her parents, I would rather have my daughter dating real, live guys instead of someone on the other side of the world who she has never met, especially at her age. At that age, she should be meeting friends, having casual relationships and having a good time instead of chatting on the web talking about marriage. And you should not obsess over a girl you have been unable to meet for a year. Go out and sow your wild oats locally.

OK, that is my real opinion. Now for a specific opinion to this case:

Both you and her are consenting adults, screw the parents. Just come over without telling them, book yourself a hotel, and meet her during the day. She doesn't have to listen to every word mommy is telling her, she should learn to express what she wants. Don't stay at her parent's house, dude! Put yourself in their shoes. Its one thing to have the boyfriend of your daughter who has been at her side (PHYSICALLY and EMOTIONALLY) come and stay, but to have a guy she only knows through the internet stay over? If you had a daughter, would you let this guy spend a night in your house?

So just come over, stay in a hotel, and spend regular hang out time with this girl. Screw the parents. Be respectful to her and don't bad mouth her parents or anything. But still keep the parents out of the equation this time around.

Dear J Grad.

Thank you for your opinion it was..interesting to say the least.

Yes I am absolutly sure her parents are not thrilled about there only daughter going out with a guy she only knows from the web. Actually I think a part of them has gotten used to it. We have been together for nearly 2 years so I guess they just don't care. As far as having a flesh and blood guy over there goes that is very true. Her mom wants her to find a guy over there but considering the fact that she will be coming here to stay for 5 years I'm well seated in the loop. As far as sowing my own or her own oats. Sorry..I really suck with women, and I enjoy being with her far more then anyone else. Yeah yeah it's on the web but talking on the phone for at least an hour everyday is great ^_^ She does sociolize a lot with her friends and so do I. She has them over goes out shopping it's all good. Personally wandering around looking at others is something I never feel the need to do. We quite the marriage talk (that's something to discuse at a later date once she is here) but for right now we are happy as heck together ^_^

Yeah..I have definitly considered just flying over there and seeing her..there are a lot of problems with that though..her mom is strickt as hell!! She lives in the country side and is far from town. If she leaves with out mothers say so there will be hell to pay. I talked about getting a hotel for myself..the only problem is I don't have enough money and don't know how to get there on my own. I need to go from Tokyo to around Iwaki (sorry I can't get more detalied then that) and then get nearer her house. I am still trying to learn Japanese but it's slow going..

But yeah..I do see your point about letting a strange guy come into there home..hmm..I mean there is only one way to meet them and make them feel better about me but that was what I was trying to do!

I don't know..I don't want to make things worse by going there..I'll probably ask her about this tonight..see how she would feel about me just staying in the hotel and seeing if she could come meet me. I am pretty concerned about making it up there..it's 4 hours by train to get from Tokyo to Iwaki I think and Tokyo is a mad house for trying to get on trains (or so I have been told) so it would be hard to get around.

Yeah I know some people are only hearing me go wa wa wa complaining..but I will try to figure this out.

But thank you for the frank and real opinion ^_^

Dave

Christmas time exactly might be a bit expensive, but if you're really serious about this girl, don't make excuses (too expensive?! many ways to lower your expenses), just come over. Don't meet the parents, not now anyways. You need to find out soon, to see if this is something that is worth you and her putting your love lives on hold for.

Get yourself a Seishun 18 ticket (11500 yen for 5 days unlimited travel during the holidays), give yourself a tour around Iwaki (where ever that is) and Tokyo. You can rent yourself a bicycle and go ride off together near rice paddies. Come here for her and for yourself to learn about Japanese culture. If you guys decide that what you have is worth it, then maybe next time around you can meet the 'rents. And I'm sure her mom and pop will take you a lot more seriously once they see that a) you two have met in person, and b) she still is crazy about you.

Good luck dude!

Hey again J-Grad

Yeah expensise aren't exactly a big deal for me. I mean cost is a big problem but the bigger one is actually getting to see her. She does live in that city but she lives in the country side so it is harder to get to where the hotels might be. But still it shouldn't be a problem.

The biggest problem is that she is like me..she dosn't go out very often and when she does her mother almost always drives her to where ever she needs to go. I asked last night if her mom would not exactly be thrilled about her just leaving on the bus and she said that she'ed be kind of ticked about it wanting to know what she was doing. Lying to her mother is an extreme "no,no" I actually figured out a cheap way to get there to her but once I get there there isn't any real way for me to see her except maybe once. you are very correct we both want to see if our love is worth fighting for. I think it is ^_^ and so does she ^_^

Aparently her mother does like me even thought she dosn't want me there. So as a person I am welcome but she still won't welcome me.

Anyways I'll try to figure something out with her so I can go. That is good advice about how her parents would see after me meeting her that I am crazy about her and that she feels the same ^_^

Thanks again,
Dave

Well everyone I am heading on out. I'll be leaving for Japan in a few weeks. I think I will stay for about a week and finally get to meet the girl I Love ^_^ It will be great ^_^ Wish me luck,

Dave

I am certainly looking forward to your report on your trip, Dave.

I'd be surprised if this ends well. Don't assume that a girl really wants a boy as totally devoted as you seem to be. Sometimes they want more of a challenge.

As for your own feelings, I suggest you read the book:

"I Need Your Love - Is That True?"
by Byron Katie.

Emery, life is sadly not built on the books.
Sometimes it ends allwell without reading books, sometimesthere is no ''they lived happily ever after''

Dave, I cross fingers for you and wish that your love ends happily!!!
Good luck.

Thank You Yummi ^_^

Dave,
This your girlfriend who you planning to visit.
I cannot wait to see you.
By the way, i have a 6inch surprise for you. I look forward to MEATING you in the back(yard) of my house.
HAH HAH(i mean)he he he he he!

Dude that's not very funny what you wrote down there.

I hope you ejoy there...


MMmgrrr!!! I also want to visit Japan... :(

Watashiwa Nihon o ai shimasu.

Tell me why (Anime Intro)

Feel no shame about shape
weather changes their phrase
even mother will show you another way

So put your glasses on
nothing will be wrong
there's no blame,there's no fame,it's up to you

The first words should be found
whatever holds you back
I can get it off

Tell me what you want
I don't know why are you afraid
Tell me what you wanna say
I don't know why,but it's too late

Have no fear for real
it's just like a turning wheel
once you start up,there's no other way

Don't put your eyes on boots
Take a step forward your roots
there's no aid,there's no trade,it belongs to you

Before you miss something given
you should know what is the truth
I can make it out

Tell me what you want
I don't know why are you afraid
Tell me what you wanna say
I don't know why,but it's too late, it's too late

Hey Sakura,
Great theme ^_^ I know it very well..I've watched "Berserk" a lot myself haha.

Yeah I know how you feel wanting to go to Japan..I've been wanting to go for well..my whole life ^_^ But a lot more since I met my Girlfriend..^_^

If you want to go try your best and give it your all ^_^ I mean..I'm not welcome over there so I'll be staying at a hotel but I'll love being able to see the country and..my girlfriend ^_^

Talk to yah later,
Dave